It's A Doggy Dog World

I got an sms from a fren of mine a couple of hours ago. I got to know her during the AA interview. We've been calling and sms-ing each other often. A pretty gal. We got along well. So, I saw her name and thot she must've wanted to know whether I'm joining her this Friday at Passion but what she wrote shocked me. Her fiancee broke off their engagement. I sms-ed her and asked if she wanted me to call her. Now, I wouldn't wanna call her without asking becoz she might not want to talk to anyone but she said yes and that she really needed someone to talk to. So I called her up and she was, of coz crying. It's not the typical drama secne where a pretty gal is at the beach with the wind blowing in her hair and tears rolling down her cheeks with a soft ballad playing at the back... no.. it was a high pitched kinda cry... some sort of what I did when he broke up with me. Except I swear I sounded much better.. I mean, my crying altho that is so not the point I'm trying to make here. I told her to calm down and she told me that... he broke it off on the Net. I was dumbfounded! ON THE FREAKING NET!! What is up with you guys?! Aren't you man enough to break it off on the phone? In fact, I think it's a coward way to break it off on the phone.. don't you have the balls to go over to her place and break it off there and then? You're hurting her anyway so why not just stab her in the chest and tell her straight in the face?!?! Men! They're all the same. Really. She said he gave her this reason.. "I love you but I don't have feelings for you.." What in the freaking world is that suppose to mean?? OMG... why are all guys using that excuse to break up a r/ship? If you meet someone new... just tell her that you met someone new. You're bored with her.. tell her that. Don't give some lame stupid pathetic excuse!

I know exactly how she feels ryte now. I wish I can go over and hug her but of coz when something like this happens, it's best to be left alone. I told her to go get some ice-cream but she said, that will only remind her of her ex-fiancee. It's not easy to get over this. It's ex-fiancee... not ex-bf. Even some of my frens are having a hard time getting over a break up with their bfs and here she is being left by her ex-fiancee. The thing is, she's lucky becoz she's only 19. She's pretty and has a lot of things to look forward to. A lot of potential bfs out there for her. Altho I wouldn't recommend her to date anyone so soon becoz then it will be a rebound kinda thing. Speak for yourself, hehe. I promised her I'd take her out when she's ready to. She said for now.. she just wants to stay home. Maybe for a month. Hehe.. she sounds just like me. She said she felt much better after talking to me and I did make her laugh but I still feel kinda useless. It's like I could have done more but it's just not the ryte time. I joked about both of us should transform ourselves into lesbians... which she totally agreed and said we should date each other. Not a bad idea... actually. ;)

Missing you...

I'm at home. I got up thinking about him. Every morning when I wake up, I think of him. The last thing I think of before I go to bed is him. We haven't spoken to each other since a week ago. Now, if he's in Canada then that's alryte with me but he's not. I miss his voice. I miss everything about him. The first time he broke up with me.. which at that time, I wasn't so sure the basis of our r/ship... but he begged... well, he wasn't on his knees or anything like that but he wanted so much for us to be frens. I wasn't okay with that but bcoz he was important to me as much as he is ryte now, I gave in. And I don't regret doing so... not even a bit. Now, he broke up with me.. again but he just sort of left me hanging. He wanted to be frens but he's ignoring me. So.. which is it now? Are we suppose to be frens.. or not? I have set in my mind that we shall remain frens but with this silent treatment that he's giving me, it's clear to me that.. that's the last thing he wants.

Razlan's back from New Zealand. For good. Good news for a lot of gals out there. Hahaa. Nick just called again. I have to decide soon. At a time like this, I wish I have him to talk to. :P Arrrghhh! I miss him..

Libra & Capricorn

Both of you have a certain appreciation for protocol, etiquette, and appropriate social behavior, and you may dislike and avoid people who are very impulsive, egocentric, or undisciplined. You are both more comfortable with rationality and order than with emotions.

You can get along quite well together. Libra, however, is more aware of aesthetics, and needs comfort, beauty, and pleasantries more than Capricorn. Libra meets others halfway, whereas Capricorn is more self-contained. Libra is less serious and can help Capricorn relax.

Hehehe...

I do remember helping him to relax. I always see him as a serious person altho he has a great sense of humour.. never fails to crack me up. On the facade, he looks serious and snobbish.. khekhe.. but he's really not that underneath it all. :)

Chutzpah!

Well well well, Nick's getting married. Congratulations, buddy! I dunno what took him so long to tell me (since he said they've been thinking about it 2 months ago) but he told me anyway and I'm happy for him. *Am I really happy?* It's not like he's the love of my life or anything close to that but I thot marriage is the last thing on his mind. I thot wrong. As usual. Ppl can really surprise you. I'm not judging him by thinking that he's rushing into this bcoz he's not. At least, that's what he told me. I don't think he is. He gave me a metaphor about his decision, it was hilarious but I can't remember what it was. It was funny. Hilarious. *Laughs*

Elisha, the gal he's marrying is a wonderful person. I've known her since I started modelling which was in 1997. We were good buddies but shit happens and we went about doing our own things. I have no hard feelings against her and I hope she doesn't too. It makes me happy knowing that he's getting married to Elisha and not anyone else. Reason being, I have always thot that they'd make a great couple eventho they're pretty much different from each other. I think they tried hard making the relationship work. Especially Elisha. Knowing that she has never kept her eyes off him. I know that from a fren and yes, we were buddies and we shared a lot of things together. In fact, I dated Nick after they broke up back then. And no, they didn't call it off bcoz of me. Most of our frens thot that Nick and I would end up together. Funny of them to think so bcoz it never crossed my mind. What we had was great but we can't help but make mistakes in life. He made a huge mistake and it took me years to forgive and forget him. Forget about what we had. I hated him. So much. He did everything possible so that I'd forgive him. At times, he failed. Me being a female, I succumbed to it at last. He knows I'm over him and that I wouldn't take him back but my frenship as he puts it, "meant more than anything in the world" so we became frens again. I'm glad we did. The wound is still there. To top it off, someone else had to break my heart. Anyway, the news of Nick becoming a husband have made me wondered about a lot of things. Mostly things connected to marriages and how ppl nowadays rush into it and getting a divorce the next yr or at least.. 5 yrs later.

I just hope Nick has learnt his lessons and will avoid repeating it bcoz getting married is not something you can take lightly. It's an investment. A big one at that. It's a huge decision and something you might want to take a long time to think about before getting into it. It's not just about you, it's about the 2 of you. It's being able to wake up in the morning and see the same face for the next 60 yrs or so without feeling or thinking "Owh mann.. it's the same person again!". I live in a world of my own. I have my own idea of a marriage and this is what marriage is to me, it's about 2 different ppl living the rest of their lives together thru thick and thin and dying together. Okay, maybe not that but grow old together unless you're both in an accident and die together than yeah, that's possible but you might die first, let's say.. of a heart attack, then your partner will be left alone and then she dies of.. old age or cancer.. it doesn't have to be the husband first, the wife could die first. Whichever God wants it to be. Anyway, I know there is no such thing as Mr/Ms Right or Mr/Ms Perfect. If there is, pls let me know. I'd love to meet them. If something makes you unhappy, do something about it. Talk it thru. Make it work. Don't just shut it off. Yes, there are times when you just don't want it anymore but remember, you chose to live with that person for the rest of your live so make it work. Don't be selfish. Selfish is something you should avoid when you're married. I don't think I can marry someone who thinks of himself most of the time. And yes, there is such person. My brother is married to one.

I want to be with someone who can make me a better person and I can make him a better person. I'm the type who is willing to go thru thick and thin. It doesn't matter if I have to sacrifice myself bcoz that's what marriage is about. If he's sick, I want to and would be the one to take care of him and I expect him to do the same. It's about compromising and willing to be open to every idea we both have to make our marriage happier and better. I want to be someone who is not going to get bored of me bcoz I don't believe that when you're in love, you'll get bored of that person. I just don't. It happened to me. I guess I'm a boring person, I dunno but I think a person who gets bored easily is someone who is not matured and isn't sure of what he/she wants but has to have someone with him/her so that he/she feels good.

Then again, I don't think I'm gonna get married. I don't want to. Maybe I will but I don't wanna get into something and end up getting hurt. Again. and Again.

Happy Father's Day!

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all fathers around the world Happy Father's Day! To my dad, I love you and I'd be lost without you!

I went out with Khalil yesterday. We watched 'The Punisher'.. can't say it was punishing watching it.. it was okay. had a good time with Khalil. We talked a lot! About our memories in SSP. Him being my junior and we talked about what he looks for in a gal. Hehe.. I'll look for one that will suit your criterias, yah? I'll make sure she can speak Malay! Khekhe. That's a first. Guys usually look for a gal that speaks English anyway, Khalil is such a sweetheart. One of my best petbros. I can't believe how matured he is. I've known him since he was 12 and I always look at him in that way.. somehow. So, yesterday when we talked and discussed about life and careers, I see a different side of him. He seems like the quiet type but it's amazing how he can talk like a 30 yr old. Mind you, he's only 23. I would really like to see him with a really fine looking lady! So, Khalil, if you're reading this, thanks for the company. We definitely should do it again. Hehe.. btw, Diana called last nyte.. hehe.

Khalil sent me home about 7-ish and my bro said he wouldn't be in for dinner so I should get my own dinner. My parents were in Melaka and were staying overnyte. Dezmark had just finished his exams so I decided to call him. Picked me up about 9-ish and we had drinks at one of the mamak restaurants nearby my place since traffic was really bad. He was so happy bcoz his exams are over. It was a bit freaky to see him in that state. He's so serious most of the time I see him and to see him smile and giggling... it was freeaakky! Anyway, we talked and talked. Mostly about LOTR. Funny.. Khalil and I talked about LOTR too. I can't wait for the extended version of Return of The King. We went back to my place and played a couple of games of Solitaire. Abg El said he went to catch 'Chronicles of Riddick' (something like that..)n and he said it was Riddick-ulous! Hahaa. Good one. I'm not really bothered to catch that coz I'm not a big fan of Van Diesel and I don't think it's worth watching it at the cinema. I can't wait for Spiderman 2! White Chicks too.. hehe. Wayans.. they always crack me up.

I'm suppose to watch a movie with Izzat but I have plans with my family today. I'll make it up to him one of these days. Farrah wants to see me.. I seriously have to re-schedule all my appointments. I haven't chatted with Rangga for a while now. Hope he's spending a lot of time with his gf. She'll be leaving soon for UK and well, I hope the LDR will work out for the both of them. It doesn't usually work out.. but I'm praying for him. Hope I'll see him online soon. Have a lot to tell him. Rangga! Get your ass online soon, will ya??

A Letter..

Dear Liz,

Hello there. I don’t usually do this, in fact I don’t do this sort of thing at all but the situation calls for it. I have no absolute idea on who you are. I don’t remember having a friend by the name of Liz or Liza or Elizabeth or anything that comes close to Liz. You’re probably one of the many girls that envy with what I have. Btw, could you tell me what it is? I have no idea at all. I’m not a millionaire (not yet, hehehe), I don’t have many friends tho the ones I have are enough for me to say I have many wonderful friends. I don’t know what I did to deserve all the things you said about me but I’m pretty sure you’re gonna say that I went out with your bf or am going out with your bf (that’s not the case here, I’m very sure!) or I took whatever modeling job that you were supposed to get but didn’t becuz you were busy having a hangover or God knows what else. Look lady, I don’t care. You have something to say about me, say it to my face. Don’t be a damn coward and send me nasty emails. I’m not mad, I just don’t understand people like you. Such bloody cowards. Come over and spit it on my face, babe. You struck me as the sort of person who’s not scared of anything, mcm berani gila, well, this is your chance to prove to yourself and your friends (and me) on how fucking brave you are. According to you, I’m a slut, sorry, let me get it right, a pussy bitch-ass AND a slut, well, even if I am, what is it to you?? I know you wanna be like me but you just can’t. I’m one in a million, honey. You gotta face the fact that you can never be like me or anyone as slutty as I am. Slutty girls rock, numsayin? Well, you ain’t rocking, girl. I don’t have to fuck any of the guys that work in that agency to get that job. I got it with my own hard work. Unlike some girls I know. =).

So that’s about it. I hope you’ll have a nice day after reading this. If you’re a Muslim, sembahyang-lah, it would really help. If you don’t know how to, there are many books on how-to-pray. Get one, read it and practice it, honey..

Undecided

I didn't sleep till about 5am. I couldn't sleep. Tried but failed. So what did I do? I ended up thinking about him and cried myself to sleep. I'm so emotional and I sooo hate that! I miss everything about him and what's bugging me is that I know he doesn't. I don't actually know that but from the looks of it, he doesn't give a shit anymore about me. Me? Well, me being me.. I still care. Why? Don't ask. That's just me. Maybe the fact that he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yeah, that's it. I'm so mad ryte now. At him. Mostly at myself for being so weak. I'm totally fine with his decision but I'm not used to not having him around. I have to get use to that but geez, it's so fucking frustrating. Arrgghh! I don't swear but I just.. arrghh!! F***!!!!

I've been thinking about what I'm going to do.. I have not come to a decision yet bcoz I'm still weighing the pros and cons of it. 'It' being whether should I stay or should I go. I wish there is an easy way out of life... but then, if there is.. life wouldn't be much of a challenge, would it?

Crestfallen

I feel numb. I have a lot of things I would like to write about but I dunno where to start and like I said, I feel numb. My brain feels like it has stopped functioning. Well, feels like it.. I didn't say it did. I'm heartbroken. I dunno if it'll heal. I don't think it will. I don't even think I want it to. Every day, life gets more depressed. Everything means nothing anymore. Not even a bit. I don't even feel anything when my mum tells me something. Recently, she told me that Abg El might take the job in Dubai and I was like.. yeah whatever. My niece called my name in full and again I was like, yeah cool. Today, I feel like I want to end everything. Everything. I just don't want anyone in my life. If I go, who will be there for my mum? Who will be there to listen to her complaints? Who would help my dad with his garden? I would be damn selfish if I were to leave them behind altho I am sometimes useless, they depend on me. I wish that I was the one offered a job overseas. I have nothing left here so why the need to stay? Think I'm gonna have a breakdown. A lot of things is happening to me and it's not good things. From one bad thing to another. Why is it that I always think about other ppl but it's never the other way around? I always give in to ppl. I know I shouldn't but if I don't, I'd feel bad. Like what if he/she really needed me at that time and I just shut them off? I always try to make time for everyone bcoz I feel like if I don't.. I don't know when I'll see that person again. Maybe I won't get to see them again bcoz I don't know what lies ahead of me. When it concerns me, why can't ppl do the same? At least once. I have a lot of things on my mind but I don't shut ppl off. I don't stop sms-ing them or call them. Yes, I do need some time alone too but that does not mean I'd stop being a fren but u know what, I think it's about time I do that. I can't forever think about other ppl esp those who don't think about how I feel. Treat ppl the way u want to be treated. That's fucking bullshit. I've been doing that all my life and I don't get treated the same way. I treat ppl well, I do esp those who deserve it but do I get the same treatment? Guess what? NO! Yeah, maybe for a couple of months and then, it's bye-bye. Why do ppl need to be so fucking selfish? I only have one thing to say.. FUCK YOU!

Madness!

This week has been crazy! Weekend too. I'm fully-booked! First news, I am being stalked. I thot it was just an infatuation that person has for me but it has gone overboard. Not only has that person been harrasing me thru emails and phone calls. Flowers have been sent to MY house and that totally freaked me out bcoz I have no idea where she got my home address and not only that, I was on my way to meet the director of the movie and Nick, as I got into the cab, she messaged me and said how gorgeous I looked in the dress.. and I was like.. "Where the hell are you?". She knows every single thing I'm doing whenever I'm out.. is that freaky or IS THAT FREAKY?? I told Azmir about it, he said oh it's nothing. Yeah, I bet u it's nothing!! It's a gal, that's one thing and I totally don't like the idea of her following me around. I went to the police which of course there isn't anything they can do bcoz she hasn't done anything. Hello! She is harrasing me! So, I gotta wait till she touches me then u're gonna do something about it?? Thanks but I'll do it my way since there's ISN'T anything u guys can do.

Other than that, I'm busy preparing myself for a shoot. A Filipino hiphop group is shooting a videoclip here and I was chosen as one of the dancers. So it has been training and practising since Wednesday. Haven't had a decent sleep in days. Today is the only day I'm free to blog and check my email account. Actually, I only have till 3.30pm then I'm off for training and the shoot will be done tomorrow. Wish me luck everybody! Will keep posting.. well, when I have the free time!

Take care and God Bless!!

The Result

In case u're wondering, since I have gotten emails asking about AA, no I didn't get the post. They said I was.. above the post I wanted. Whatever that means. I mean, what they said really made me feel good but what exactly do airlines look for? Airheads? I guess I'm kinda relieved that I didn't get in bcoz at least, I know I'm better off doing something else but seriously, what exactly makes a stewardess? Do u actually have to be stupid to be one? I just need something to do at the moment bcoz I don't wanna be around married or soon to be married couples. I'm too superior?? Hello! U ppl don't even know me that well.. u only judged me by that 10 mins interview? :P

Well, I got an offer from a fren to act with him. Yeah but I'm not sure whether I'm taking it. I have to talk to my parents about it first. Azmir thinks it's a good idea. I dunno. It's not easy to act. I mean, yeah.. I've been doing a lil bit of modeling but that's different. U're only in front of the camera for 2 mins tops but a movie.. that's like.. 2 hours or so.. and u're on more than a week of shoots. So, I dunno. It's actually a joint-venture between Malaysia and Thailand. It's like that Ada Apa Dgn Cinta kinda storyline altho not exactly the same.

I think I'm gonna go now...

Plausible Denialbility

I was forced to go to my cousin's engagement today. I dreaded going bcoz I know what's gonna come out of my aunts' mouths. "So, when is ur turn, honey?". I don't go to my cousins' weddings for that very reason! I hate it when ppl ask me that question. I'm only freaking 23 yrs old. Back then, at this age, I would have probably gotten married with children but I wasn't born back then. I'm the new generation and the new generation gets married at the age of 26 above or don't get married at all. In my case, the latter.

Anyway, the engagement went well and the hantaran(s) were lovely! The decoration was really nice and wasn't 'kampung-ish' at all. Surprisingly. Haha. Oh yeah, one more reason why I hate engagement ceremonies is that u have strangers sitting beside u and they'd step on ur kain or whatever that u are wearing and don't have the bloody decency to apologise. Maybe bcoz they're not brought up to apologise, I dunno but it happened to me just now and I honestly almost snapped at that lady. "You're bloody stepping on my kain! MOVE!!".. but of coz me being me, I just smiled and said, excuse me. Did she apologise? Of coz not! What amazes me the most is that, she's older than me and u know what they always say about org tua.. they're well-behaved and polite. Polite my ass! She's not tua-tua laa.. she's probably 30ish but for heaven's sakes, have u ever heard of the word "SORRY"?? I have one more reason why I hate family gatherings/reunions. My dad's side especially. IT TAKES FOREVER TO GET MY DAD TO GO HOME!!! OMG! I think just now, I stood about.. 4 times thinking it was time to go home bcoz my dad kept on saying, "okay, we're leaving now.. go salam everyone". I think I salam-ed everyone about 4 times.. and imagine about 50+ ppl were there.. my hands hurt laa! Such a spoilt brat.. I KNOW! It is such a drag being the youngest coz u're always forced to go to this sort of thing. Even if I'm not forced or dragged to go, my parents would use an ultimatum sort of thing or would say something sikit just to make me feel bloody guilty! I sure hope this is it for this year. No more engagements or gatherings. I like weddings.. I love them but engagements.. it's different. Weddings in hotel are my favourite bcoz u have to leave no matter what by 10 or 11 the most. If it's at my relative's house, I would have to stay till late bcoz my parents and uncles and aunts would talk forever like they're not gonna see each other in 12 years to come! Hang out with my cousins? From my dad's side? FORGET IT! I'd rather stick my head in the washing machine.

It's 2041hrs and I'm hungry. After all this rambling, who wouldn't be..

he is a HOTTIE! 

One more day to go..

It's Thursday. I still have to wait till Friday comes and for that day to end. I have not received any calls from AA, so haven't my frens. I have mixed emotions ryte now. Restless, excited, nervous.. u name it! I have to do something to keep my mind of thinking about it. Give me some ideas, ppl!!

A long lost fren of mine (as she herself puts it!), Elsa has her own blog now. Hehe. I actually forced her into signing up for one. I think blogging is really one of the good ways to destress urself. At times, I do wonder if it really helps, which it does but sometimes, I stopped myself from writing things I really wanna let out. One of the reasons why I can't write is bcoz ppl might think that I'm racist which I am so not but there are so many of them around.. and them; meaning that one particular race. I feel like I'm in that country where they originated from. REALLY!! I can't stand them! They talk so loud and they're sooo rude!! Yes, my own race can be rude too but we're not as bad as those ppl!!! OMG! I should stop writing about this!

Anyway, last nyte, Azmir called up and we went out for coffee, well he did. I had PC.. as in Pure Chocolate.. not that thing where u type, surf and do ur work with. We both haven't been going out for quite some time. According to Azmir, last nyte was his first nyte out after I dunno how many days. We saw new billboards along TTDI towards Hartamas link. Oh and he actually took the other way back to my place instead of the usual way. He said that happened bcoz dah lama tak kluar. Okay. Khekhe. So cute.

It's 1620hrs. I don't think they're gonna call me. I don't think I'm in. Arrghh! The frustration I'm feeling ryte now... no one will ever feel it! I'm gonna go drown myself if I don't get the job. Hang myself maybe. Arrgh! I'm such a drama queen! Stop smiling, Elsa! U're one too!! Hah-ha.

Friday.. Geezz.. Lamenye!!!

Alhamdullillah.. the interview went well. My interview was at 12noon but I was late due to the speed trap along the Cyberjaya link. I was praying HARD as not to get summoned! Nasib baik tak. Arrived there at about 12.30pm, went straight to the Corporate Office altho I needed to pee badly (yeah, u don't need to know that.. hehe) and they said I was late.. (tell me something I don't already know!) so I should wait while they interview those who arrived first. Too many things to tell but I think over all I did pretty good. I just have to wait till Friday to know if I nailed it or not. Friday!! That's like.. 4 days more to go! Oh and after all the studying I did on Air Asia and the Asia region, not even one of them asked me anything on that!! I could tell anyone of u anything on Air Asia ryte now! Not that it was a waste of reading, at least I know things most.. well, some of the ppl out there don't know. Hehe. Like u would really wanna know about Air Asia.

I haven't read the papers yet. Not even yesterday's. That is so unlike me. I think I was preparing for the interview and I had a really bad day yesterday. I have to catch up on my reading soon.

Nick called to wish me good luck. Oh and those who I didn't expect to call me up and wish me, actually did!! Okay, not call but at least they sms-ed me. It's so sweet of u guys. Elsa, Azmir, Nick and Abg El. Roselyn wished me good luck as well. Hehe.. thanks ppl! Really appreciate it! Azmir especially. He doesn't really remember all this stuff but surprisingly he did. I actually almost fell off the bed when I received his sms. Hmmm.. he actually remembered.. WOW! That was nice.

So.. Friday huh? What am I going to do till Friday so that I won't think.. "Oh man.. it's only Tuesday!".. "Geez.. Today is Wednesday??".. u catch the drift?

Not a bad hair day.. Just a BAD day!

I think today is officially the worst day of May! Okay, no.. May 9th was the worst day, no.. that was the worst day of my life! But today is the worst day of May! I'm having a bad day and I wish I had someone I could talk to. Someone who can make me smile.. even for a second...

Dinner was yummy!

Had a delicious dinner! It was a feast! I haven't been eating well lately but tonyte, when I looked at the dishes, I just had to! Y-u-m-m-y!

I don't watch malay movies nor do I watch telemovies. But after I know who Ako Mustapha is, well, after I saw how he looked like (that was a yr ago or maybe more) I started watching. Only if the main male character is played by Ako Mustapha. This year especially, there is a lot of telemovies starring Ako. He is just so adorable. His acting, well... I don't really know how to judge Malaysian acting but I guess he's good at what he's doing. Oh well, he's so comel so that should be enough. Hehe. Too bad he has a gf... Darn!

The Reason..

I've found a reason for me,
To change who i used to be..
A reason to start over new,
And the reason is you...
I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know...
A reason for all that i do
And the reason is you...

An exciting week!

Okay, it wasn't all that exciting but pretty exciting enough for me. First of all, I had an interview with Air Asia. Passed the first and second interview. The second interview was pretty hard for I had to stand in front of 20 pretty ladies and explain to them on how to save someone. The thing is, I would have probably fainted if it were in front of 20 gorgeous guys but standing before 20 pretty ladies were hard enough. Some of them looked like they were undressing me with their eyes... pretty scary. So, I went home after the 2nd interview and told my parents that I screwed it up by answering one question wrong. Yeah, one question! Actually, i answered it correctly, it's just that I added another destination. Hello! It's Air Asia not Air Istella.. if it's my airline, I would probably fly to that mentioned destination but noo, it's not my airline! Well, just when I thot I failed, I received a call 2 days after that from Air Asia. Congratulated me on passing the 2nd interview.. *phheeww* and told me to come for the 3rd and last interview on Monday. Now, I'm restless. I am! I dunno why!! If I get the job, fine. If I don't, fine with me. It's just that... I have this feeling they're gonna ask me some stupid questions that a 10 yr old kid could answer and I'm gonna screw it up bcoz I'm bloody nervous! Rangga! If u're reading this, they fly to Jakarta. Hehe. I got that ryte! So, let's just hope I get the job so that u can take me to whatever Square u call it. Told my frens and they want u to take them clubbing. Hehehe. So, u're like our tour guide.

That aside, another exciting thing about this week was the American Idol results. I dunno about some of u guys but I like Diana Degarmo. Fantasia Barrino can sing, no doubt there but I just don't really like her voice. She's a great entertainer tho, better than Diana but I think Diana sings much better. And again, that's my opinion. I'm not saying I know better but when she sang 'I Believe'... she made me cry. I love that song.

Other than that.. my third brother was offered a job in Dubai. So if he decides to go, I'll be left alone. With my parents. I'm really close with my third brother altho we argue every single day... actually, that was last year or so but we've been really nice to each other lately and been going out a lot together which is very rare. He's a bit of a loner. Pathetice loser. Hahaha... well, so am I! Anyway, I didn't cry when Ezy left but if El leaves for Dubai, I think I'll cry. No.. I am gonna cry. The night I got the news from him, I thot about it. If he leaves, I have no one to turn to. I do tell my mum everything but there are things that we siblings tell only each other. He's very protective of me. He doesn't show it but he was really upset when I told him what happened. He saw me crying a couple of weeks back and I told him why. He told my mum he's hurt as well. That's the sweetest thing I have ever heard from him. Not straight from his mouth but to know that he's hurt coz I am from my mum, that was good enough. So that nyte, just thinking about it, made me cry. I'm pretty sure when the day comes for us to send him off to the airport.. I'll cry. I'll cry a river. Hehehe. Gile.

I knew it!

You Are Flirt-able!

You are the best of both worlds - sexy and friendly, but not in either box.

Your charm is addicting, and you always have plenty of people flirting with you.

And if you want to turn things up, that's always an option for you.

You have plenty of options - without being the person everyone has already done :-)



Are You F***able?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

A lil something..

I wrote your name in the sky
but the wind blew it away.

I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.

I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay..

Sex in the City of KL

I have been following the case of Norrita S. in the newspaper and on tv. I read about it now and then. I read just a couple of hours ago on her case. I'm not going to write anything or give my opinion on the case bcoz I do not know her and I'm the last person who should judge her altho a lot of ppl are giving their own opinions of what sort of a person Norrita is.

The thing is with some ppl, they like to talk about what's happening in other ppl's lives. They like it when bad things are happening to other ppl. I can't imagine the pain her parents are goin thru ryte now. It must be hell for them and I pity them. How in the world would they know their daughter would turn out like that? Whatever it is that she supposedly did...

Anyway, there is so much that is goin on in KL that doesn't surprised me when the news of Norrita came out. Altho we're a Muslim country and we uphold our Asian values, KL is very much a sexual town. I know of a gal who sleeps with at least 3 guys in a week and she has more to come. She's even proud of doing so. There is even news going around about men who are high fliers in the corporate world and are lovers of women, but when the sun sets, they go out looking for young men. My point is KL is not as old-fashioned as we would like to think so. It's way advanced than any other cities. Homosexuals (in Malaysia) are slowly coming out of the closet, or maybe they already have. I'm not against it, in fact I respect those who come out publicly admitting the fact that they're happy being gay (somehow that sounds a bit redundant). Ppl here are no longer afraid to show their sexual preferences. It scares me, really but I guess there isn't anything anyone of us can do about it. It's want they chose and that's the way they want to live their lives. It will definitely scare the hell out of me if my daughter/son comes up to me and say "hey mum, i'm dating a gal/guy".. who wouldn't? I'm speaking for those who are straight. I'm sure you would freak out too but really, is there anything we can do about it? I don't think locking up gays are the answer to it. That's just so wrong.

So, the thing is... no matter how much u hate to admit it, sex is everywhere, honey. It's either u're apart of it or u're not. That's ur choice...

Libra Woman

Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin and a good figure. She will spent so much efforts to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tend to look younger than her age. She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She looks nice in either jeans or night gown. She thinks woman is equal to man. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even she is winning.

She is a little flirt even she has no idea what she wants. She cannot decide what to do, and what not to do, so she cannot set her schedule very well in all cases. She is gifted with how to dress, and how to match her dress. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes a mild flowery scent.

In any argument, she can really argue. She can argue for hours, and mostly win the argument. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and once a while give you a smile also. She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election.

She always has a good reason, even she likes to contradict herself. She cannot decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Woman in other Zodiac might not care what other people think, but Libra woman care what other people, or what you feel as much as her own feeling. She can adjust to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the ladder up. She likes team work in doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you except if she does not like your guts. She can change you and make you think you change by yourself without her influence.

Good side of being with Libra woman is she never interfere with your privacy. She will not make you loose face in front of your friends. Even she cares about how much money she has left his her bank account, she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you.

She thinks taking care of the house is a woman job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even she looks at you with that sweet innocent pairs of baby's looks and may lose you (let you win) in a few poker games.

If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends introducing you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like a bubble head. You have to move forward toward her with confident and secure. Show her that you are a kind, polite and a real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smack!


I got this from Azmir (he got it from a fren). He said it's all true about me. Hehehe.. I think so too. Except the part which it says i spent a lot of efforts to keep my skin clean and pretty.. I don't. A flirt.. maybe I am..

It's not goodbye, it's hello.. in reverse!

I took this personality shit test... yes, I was bored and i got this...

-You are very respectful of the needs and wants of other people.
-You generally take pride in being a strong community member.
-You tend to have very high values.
-You like to gather facts and think things over before offering a strong opinion.
-You are skilled at being diplomatic with people in all settings.
-You are generally good at cooling down tense situations in a relationship.
-You tend to be an objective, careful evaluator of situations.
-You tend to set and maintain very high standards for yourself.
-You tend to bring feelings of security and stability to a relationship.
-You are excellent at listening to your partner.

Hmmm... so wat say you?

"But.. I'm not anorexic.."

So I went to see the doctor yesterday. Everyone is making a big fuss about my not eating and after each meal, I'm off to the ladies. I'm not anorexic. I wouldn't want to be even if I'm unhappy with my body which I am, btw. Maybe a lil more weight would be better but I love my body and wouldn't do anything to it.

Besides my losing appetite, I have gotten back my chest pains. I was doing good before, a couple of weeks back but now, it's getting worst and sometimes, I can't sleep at nyte and when I do get some sleep, I would wake up in the middle of the nyte becoz I would get this aching feeling on my chest.. like someone's stabbing me, but this time from the front. It hurts like hell and it gets to the point where I would cry myself to sleep.

So, how's the new look? I love it and thanks to Chocolaty for making it happen. Thank u so much!

Would u like to give it a whirl? Yes pls...

It's 2.30pm and I haven't eaten. Why? I dunno. I still haven't the appetite. I'm having gastric and it is sooo painful. Yeah, my fault I know but I don't wanna force myself to eat. I would probably just throw up after eating. That's gross and I don't wanna throw up.

I just got back from an appointment. She has finally decided on her wedding gown. Thank God! Now, I have to check on other stuff and hopefully by Sunday, everything will be all good to pass it over to my partner. Starting Monday, I'm a part-time WP. It's not that I'm not doing good, I just need some time to think. To think about what I want and what to do about it.

Am I doing better today? Nope. I dunno when I will be. I'm not asking for anybody's sympathy. I don't need it. I just need someone to talk to. Not about him. I just wanna get whatever that is bottled up inside me out. Okay, maybe a bit on him but not entirely. I do have some other problems. I know I can talk to Nick but he's not here and god knows when he'll be back. He said soon but soon could be next 2 weeks or so. I miss having someone to talk to. I guess Azmir was really the only one I talked to if I have anything on my mind. Now... I don't wanna burden him with my problems. I don't wanna get used to that bcoz when he finds someone new, I'm sure she wouldn't like the idea of me calling him up now and then to talk. I miss him..

Help..

Oh God... please please please take this sadness out of me... please take it away.. someone.. anyone.. please....

5 reasons why my life suck at this moment...

1 - The shoutbox is facing some problems and it looks sucky on my page ryte now!

2 - My room looks as if a tornado just hit it and I'm in no mood to clean it up.

3 - Am no longer organising St. John's event due to my over-the-top charges.. what over-the-top!?! It's freaking CHEAP, u doofus!

4 - I am losing appetite to eat.. 'nuff said.

5 - I miss him and he doesn't care!

F*** Off with your Attitude!

A bunch of frens came over to see me. Went to have dinner with them at Gazebo. I dropped by at Starbucks to say hi to Mokh. Asked him how he's doing and he said fine. Been busy. Asked him how come no phone calls/smses (I asked as a good fren of his and in my sweetest voice) and know what he said? "Ohh.. I have a gf now, so been spending time with her".. okay, I'm cool with that. It's great that he has a gf.. finally! Then, I asked hm how long has it been.. and he answered in a f***ing rude way.. "so sibuk!".. hello! I'm a fren of urs, if u have forgotten. I'm sorry I hurt ur feelings for having a bf but u don't have to give me an attitude for asking how u've f***ing been for the past few months. It was so uncalled for, buddy! U wanna be rude to me.. fine but u don't bloody have to do it in public. How would u f***ing feel if I do that to u?? Geez.. for all u know, ur relationship wouldn't last and u're acting all snooty! F*** u! That's all I have to say. F*** to all the guys out there! U're all f***ed up!!! I was being concerned about u not keeping in touch, and this is the treatment I get. U guys are all the same.. be it guyfrens or boyfren. U know, from now on.. don't give a f***ing care about me.. coz I don't f***ing care no more!! Okay, this is me when I'm angry... I probably read this back tomorrow morning and laugh my head off but for now, I'm so bloody upset. Everything is just soooooo wrong for me at the moment. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

Breakaway Pangkor

Hey.. anyone wants to go for a holiday? There'll be 9 DJs and partying all nyte long.. so if any one of u is interested, check this out Breakaway. It's cheap... get ur frens to come along and u'll get to split the cash, so u don't have to spend so much.. yada yada yada.

New..

Okay.. I'm taking out the guestbook out of my site... so that anyone who wants to say something can do so either on the comment box or shoutbox (on the right, the box in pink!). It's easy. So, just write whatever u want like hello.. how r u? If u have comments on my entries, then click at the comment and fill it up. It's easy. Even a 10 yr-old can do it. Aight? Aightt..

Hey Rangga, where have u been? Spending time with ur boo, ay? Hehe.. have fun!

It's a hot sunny day and I'm sweating like a pig!

There was a power failure in my area a couple of hours ago. It's back on and THANK GOD! I was bored to death with nothing to do or to watch. I'm glad the power came back on before the sun goes down.

Nick is such a loser! Haha. I know u're gonna read this later. I'm chatting with him while I'm blogging. Yeah, I know I don't bloody have to tell the whole world but it's my bloody blog and I'll bloody write what I bloody want! Wooohooo!! Told u, Nick.. I can write the word bloody 4 times in a sentence. Hah! U owe me another pine of B&J! Sigh... it's not like I can eat it with u-know-who. U're busy with that... what's her name.. that french chick... femmefatale.. to eat share with me... but u know I'd rather share with him or Brandon Boyd. Sigh.... ice-cream & BB.... is that hell or heaven, mann?!?! I dunno, u tell me! Sooo... now u have to go off! Geeez...

I dunno how I'm feeling ryte now, Nick. I'm hurt. Sad. Weak. Sick. Exhausted. Angry. Confused. But I can still put a smile on my face. I guess I just don't want anyone else to know. Most of my frens still don't know and they don't read my blog, so none of them know. I'm such a failure when it comes to r/ships. Everybody leaves me at the end. It is never the other way around. Okay, I left Y but only after I found out he was cheating on me.. but that shows what a failure I am as a gf. Shuq left me. Rofhan hurt me badly. Nick.. only we both know what he did to hurt me. Yeah, Nick's my bestfren after we dated each other and I caught him with another gal playing trains and tunnels. Which took me years to accept him as a fren. Now, it's him. I'm not mad at Azmir. I'm not. Maybe I am but not angry enough to strangle him or pull his hair out! I'm just hurt...

*Shakes head* I gotta talk about something else. I was thinking just now while I was sweating due to the power failure.. no one is perfect. A person can't have everything. It's either u have the looks with no brain or a brainy that looks... I'm thinking ugly coz I can't seem to think of a more gentle word to replace it with. So, yeah.. u can't have it all... even if u're gorgeous and intelligent, u bound to have something negative about u. It could be ur BO or u're not good with older ppl/kids/society or something like that but let's say, someone u know.. is intelligent, has a social skill of Oprah Winfrey and smells good all the time but, yes there is a BUT, he/she looks like one of the guys/gals u wouldn't be caught dead with, now he/she wouldn't be considered perfect ryte? What if he/she undergoes a plastic surgery to make him/herself look good-looking.. now, he/she has ALL THAT.. so does that make he/she perfect? Do u get what I'm trying to say here? U can't seem to find anything negative about him/her. So, he/she is perfect ryte? But what about the plastic surgery? He/she is not perfect after all but he/she has the looks, attitude and everything u could only possibly dream about. DOES THAT MAKE HIM/HER PERFECT?!?!?! I'm getting a headache just trying to figure out how to put this out in words...

Okay.. so I lied..

About wanting to go to bed or lock myself up. I'm still online bcoz I know if I were to go into my room, I would start thinking about things that would upset me and eventually cry myself to sleep... no, have been doing that for the past couple of days.. make it 7 days.. so.. yeah, need to take my mind off it.

I wish I had gone out today. Catch a movie. Alone. Hehe. I have never done that in my entire 23 and a half yrs of living in this beautiful country. I love Malaysia. It's soooo beautiful!! So many things for foreigners to look forward to here.. and.. okay, let's get back to what I was saying.. yeah, I have never. Have u? I don't think I can watch a movie alone at the cinema, mind u.. if it were at home, yeah.. I've done that a million times! I can't. I would probably sit for.. let's say.. 10 mins.. and BYE! I don't know how the hell my bros can do that. I've told my frens.. a million times that I'm gonna give that a try.. yeah, maybe we'll get tickets of the same movie but different seats.. and u're all thinking.. "WTF?? That's pretty much like watching it with the whole gang!" ... I KNOW!!!! But I just can't see myself seating alone with a couple next to me.. both sides.. so weird! I'm not saying those who had watched a movie alone or the ones who have been doing that all this while are pathetic losers.. NO, sir.. u're not! I respect those lonerangers.. hehe.. I always giggle when I use that word.. lonerangers... khekhekhe...

Okay.. my dad wants to go eat mee goreng mamak now.. gotta teman him. Will write back later.. or whenever I'm in the mood..

God bless!

Another one and then I'll go to bed..

1 When you get upset, you:
lock myself up in my room, music full blast, cry or take a cold shower

2 If someone has taken interest in you at a party or other social gathering, you:
yeah ryte... someone's interested in me?! OH YEAH RYTE!!!

3 If you are arguing about an issue and know you are correct, you:
argue till the other party shuts up and get the hell out of my face! i hate ppl who wants to win an argument but have no idea on what they're arguing about! bodoh! if u know nothing.. just shut the hell up!

4 Your friends are usually:
everything i am not.. that would be.. fun, crazy, good-looking, awesome bunch!

5 When you wake up in the morning, you:
think of him.. hmmm.. is he awake? should i go back to sleep? hmm.. coffee.. yummyy..

6 When you are interested in someone, you:
go up to that someone and give him a passionate kiss! NOT! keep it to myself.. d-uh!

7 You are at the toilet when you overhear two of your friends talking about how horrible your new haircut is. You:
"I KNOW!!!!"

8 If your life were to be made into a movie -- and you were to star as yourself -- who would you cast to play your leading man/woman?:
hehehe... Azmir... no.. Brandon Boyd.. NO! Orlando Bloom!!.. no wait.. Hugh Jackman.. no no.. wait.. I DUNNO!!!! All of them?? Pleaseeeee??

9 How do you like your kisses to be?:
depends.. if it's from my bf... hehee.. my niece.. a smack on my lip! she's sooo cute!

10 When your lover leans in for a kiss in public, what do you do?:
hit him on the head! what the hell do u think?!? KISS HIM BACK! stupid Q!!

Aahh.. okay, now i'm really bored.. so gonna go read or watch tv.. or maybe just lock myself up in my room..

God bless and have a nice day!

I'm bored...

Name one person who comes to mind in each question

1. Always make you laugh.
Wafi

2. Always make you angry
Wafi

3. Always irritates of you
Wafi

4. Always be there for you
Azmir

5. Always buy present for you
Isma Edli

6. Always hangout with you
Wafi

7. Always smile at you
Wafi

8. Always pay for you
Hmmm.. my dad? Azmir? My bros? My mum?? ME?!?

9. Always drive you around
My bros! Azmir! Sorry had to break the rule!

10. Always ask homework question
When I was in skool... Linda

11. Always need your help
Nick!!! Hehehe...

12. Always make you wait
A lot of ppl!! Punctuality is the key, ppl!!

13. Always sleep in class
I can't remember.. it was ages ago..

14. Always cannot make up his/her mind
Hahaha... u know who u are....

15. Always late for class
Maz.. my bestfren in high skool

16. Never take a bus/train/aeroplane
Hmmm... I don't know any..

17. Has messy hair
Mokh

18. Untidy
Mokh

19. Someone you love?
*Sigh..*

20. Last but not the least... any idol?
Deanna Yusoff.. she's hot, she rawks!

Hehe..

I kinda like that song.. F.U.R.B. - Frankee.. now.. Eamon wouldn't think she would hit him back with that song.. hehehehe.. u go gal!

Just another Sunday

Didn't do anything much today. Went to check on the tenants at Setiawangsa. Came back and had dinner with my family. Having a splitting headache. I had mistakenly took my medicine with Coke. Damn, it was so funny. I was talking crap a couple of hours after that and later had a bad tummy ache. I swore I poured warm water to take with my medicine. You're probably thinking.. "Gee.. she's such an idiot!" but if u were in my situation (which is having a lot of things going on in my life at the moment), u wouldn't think so. Anyway, I hope this headache will go off soon! REAL SOON!

I met Nora online last nyte but I was not really in the mood to chat. I haven't had the mood lately. Go figure. I don't even have the mood to leave my room but if I don't, I won't get any work done and that means no income. I just applied for a job overseas. I'm not telling which company bcoz I'm so sure I'm gonna jinx it! Hopefully I will get the job so that I can get the hell out of here. It's not that I don't love my country, oh god I DO so MUCH but at this moment, I just want to be elsewhere. I just want to go somewhere where I know no one.

At a time like this, I wish he would call me. It would make me feel so much better to hear his voice but I know I'm the last person he wants to talk to. The last person he wants to see. He's moving on and I suppose I should to. I'm not gonna move on by meeting new guys.. no. I don't wanna do that. I'm not ready to date and I don't think I want to. Honestly speaking, I don't want to. He would still be my first choice to go watch a movie with, to have dinner or ice-cream.. bcoz he's a fun guy to be with altho he has this serious look on his face at all times but he's fun. I miss our bitching sessions. *Sigh*..

I have been following America's Next Top Model from season I to season II. The first season, I rooted for Adrienne and I just knew she'd be the one and what do u know.. she became ANTM. In season II, it was pretty hard for me bcoz I liked Sara, Jenascia, Yoanna and April. After watching the 4th episode, I came to like Yoanna the best and figured okay, this gal is gonna be the next ANTM. Oh my god!! I was SOOO ryte!!! I think I should be one of the judges. I have been writing down what I think of each contestants (sad I know..) and they're exactly what most of the judges said of them. I'm so happy that Yoanna won bcoz she is sooo hot and after all the negative things that was said of her, she proved to each and everyone of them that they're wrong and that one can achieve whatever one wants just as long as u put ur heart and soul into it. Way to go, gal! She's just so sweet and .. HOT! Oh and just a couple of days ago, I watched one of the episodes where Shandi cheated on her bf. Damn, that was sooo wrong but she's so lucky that after all that, her bf still wants her. Damn.. lucky woman!..

I can't wait for the next season of ANTM. By watching ANTM, it actually made me realise how one can be stressful by being a model. I'm soooo thankful that I'm doing a part-time job at it. If I were to be a full-time model, I don't think I could go thru the day! But if there is such contest here, I would go for it.. just for the fun of it.. u know, see how reality TV shows are really like.. hahah..

Movies, movies and more movies!

So many new movies are out.. and I still haven't seen any of it! I miss watching movies.. at the cinema, I mean. Oh well.. I'll wait for the dvds..

If I Ain't Got You

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

And in a world on a silver platter
And wondering what it means
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby


Not that it means anything... ;).. I just like this song... and well, it may represent my feelings. Whatever.

Another emotional day

I hate my days lately. I don't have the appetite to eat altho I am hungry. Everyone is forcing me to eat bcoz I have to take my medicine. F**k the medicine. It's not like I'm gonna die if I don't take it. I'll live, u know. D-uh!

I went out yesterday. First had to meet a client then I met Tina. I just had to get out of the house. Everything is just so weird at the moment. So, now she's thinking of the lilac gown instead of the cream coloured gown. I prefer the cream gown but then, it's not my wedding. She looks absolutely gorgeous in the cream gown but she prefers the lilac bcoz it doesn't make her look fat... hello, u're as thin as I am. What fat are u talking about? I told her to go home and think about it. Again. Yes, this is the second time she has decided to change her gown and I told her, look since the wedding is not till next year.. u have all the time to think about it. Just make sure u'll decide on one before it's too late. She has all the time, yeah but I don't want to dissapoint her by saying.. "Ooops, sorry.. ur wedding gown won't be ready till after ur wedding day". Get what I mean? No? Good.

So after that, met up with Tina. My my.. she has lost weight! She looks good. We were so bising. At least I got some stuff off my mind. Okay, I'm lying. It didn't but well, I dunno. Oh and she invited me to her fren's farewell dinner on Friday nyte. I still haven't decided on going. Should I? I don't know any of her frens. Not those ppl, at least. Well, I think I'd rather stay home and watch TV. Wow.. stay home on a Friday nyte.. sad huh? Well... believe it or not.. I'm used to it and it doesn't kill to stay home on a Friday nyte. Not for me, that is.. I dunno about other ppl and truth to be told, I don't care.

Nick called this morning. Thanks for waking me up, dude! Yeah, sorry for not replying. Been sick as u know and I just don't feel like writing much. I just needed some time alone. Glad to know that u're finally flying back home. If u can call Malaysia ur home.. hehe. We'll meet up soon, yah? Gimme a call as soon as u get ur white ass home.

Ryte at this moment, I'm feeling a bit sad. I just miss him, I guess. I know i know.. he doesn't care but let him be. I can't afford to think about other ppl anymore. If everyone can be selfish, so can I. Not that I want to be one. Selfishness is not in me but I think sometimes being selfish makes u happy. Maybe I should move on but maybe I don't want to. Maybe I'm just tired with everything. Yeah, that could be it. I'm so out of love. I don't want to be in love. I may sound dramatic but those who know me well, they know when I say black.. it's black. Love is a wonderful thing, no doubt in that but it is also painful. What in the world does it mean that if u're such a great gf but that person doesn't deserve u bcoz u're too good for him? I just don't get that. I thot everyone wants just that for them.. and here I am being left bcoz I'm the best gf ever. If that is the case, then I might as well just forget about falling in love. I've had enough. Enough pain to last me thruout my whole life. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me (which I haven't said this of my ex-bfs) and he is irreplaceable. He may have found someone else... maybe not but if he does, that's his life. As for me, I don't want to. I'm just out of love.

He's the sweetest guy, the most intelligent and such a good-hearted person. He's just amazing and I want him to be happy. It if means happiness to him to have someone better than I am, so be it. I may not be able to swallow it but it's his life. As always, as before.. I just have to love him from afar...

Feeling much better..

My flu is gone. Not fully gone but gone. Hehe. I'm feeling much better today. Thanks to my frens. He sms-ed me yesterday evening. It was nothing much but I felt better in a way when I received the sms.

When u go abroad to futher ur studies.. u realise that there are bigger opportunities out there for u. What u have, doesn't seem to be enough. U know u can get something much better. I guess that's what he's going thru. I'm not all that (altho he said I am) so I'm pretty sure he'd want someone better. I think I can go thru this. It will take me some time... but I will heal. Maybe I won't. Who knows. I just hope he's happy with his decision. I respect what he wants. I can't force him, can I? I was never in his league anyway. He's above me. I'm just not his type after all, I guess. Hope all's well on ur side, greekGod.

Sick as a dog

I'm so sick. I'm so tired. I hope I'll get better soon. I don't think I'll be blogging for the next few days. Even if I feel much better tomorrow, I don't feel like blogging for now. We'll see.

He hasn't messaged since yesterday. I guess he's busy. I hope nothing's wrong with him. He's probably busy messaging other gals. Yeah. That must be it. Hope all's well on his side. I think it is. He got bored... so he must be okay.

Make Me Whole

I didn't do anything today. Woke up at about 11 and watched tv. Nothing was on so I went into my room and stayed in there the whole day. I don't know how I feel at this moment. Am I angry? Am I sad? Yes. I feel like whatever it is that I do in life, is never enough for anyone else that matters to me. I'm such a failure in every sense. In my family, in my r/ship.. everything and yet, he said I'm the best ever. If that is the case, then why leave? I can't talk to anyone about this bcoz everyone thinks I've got it. I've got everything figured out but the matter of the fact is that I have not. I don't even know what to do next. I don't even want to do anything. I'm sick and tired. I don't think I can ever feel the same way for anyone else and I don't think I ever want to. I'm not mad at anyone, especially him. I can't force him but I just don't understand what's going on. I really don't. I'm so messed up ryte now I don't even know what I'm writing, I don't even think any of this makes sense.

It's over...

My life is officially over.

Indecisive

I didn't sleep well last nyte. Most of the time, I was tossing and turning. My niece woke me up at 10am. Banging on my door and calling out my name. It's so nice to have her wake me up in the morning. As I have much expected, the only reason why she wanted to come into my room was to play with my Stitch. Cuddle up with it and me. She's so adorable and I can't wait for to start talking in full sentences. She just lost one of her grandpa and it has left me with awed with the way she's taking it. She's much too young to understand but from her facial expressions, I know she feels the loss. She sat quietly at one corner last nyte, as if she's thinking about her late grandfather and when her mum came home (my sister-in-law), my niece went up to her, hugged and was comforting her mother. She's only 1 yr 10 months. So cute!

I had no appointments today. Wished I had made some for today. Am bored to death. Too messed-up to go out. I'm just having this mixed feelings inside of me at the moment. There's so much to do but so little time or maybe I'm just lazy. I know I should start doing some of the work that I have put off since last week (which is not in a hurry anyway) but I'm just too... lazy. I'm not a lazy-bum but I'm just not in the ryte mood. Yeah, that is it. I'm not in the mood. What I'm in the mood for is sushi! Sad thing is, no one to go to have some with. Everybody's at work. Tisha has started her new job at Astro. Haven't been talking to her for almost 3 weeks now. Irina is at work and she only finishes at 10pm and by that time, sushi place would be closed. Maybe I should get my bro to take me. My bf? Well, he's pretty busy at the moment...

Ezy hasn't called since he left for Dubai. I hope he's doing well. I have so many things on my mind that I have been wanting to post on the blog but there's just too many and maybe one day, when I'm in the ryte mind and mood, I'll post them. It's my everyday thots of the way other ppl living their lives. I realised that there is a lot of ppl out there who couldn't care less about other ppl. Some of them as young as 12 yrs old! I guess that's bcoz their parents are not bringing them up that well.. huh? I dunno.. I could be wrong. Anyway, it's lunch time and I think I better get going.

What is it?

Are u appreciative of me? Am I doing a good job here? Why is it so hard for u to talk to me? U want me to talk to u if there is anything wrong but u don't do the same? Why is that? Am I not worth ur time?

I haven't been blogging bcoz of the stupid server. Not blogger.com... my area.. the server was down for days! Nothing much happened for the last few days. Except today, my bro's father-in-law passed away. Other than that.... life's been pretty.. shitty. Yeap.

I have to go now. Gonna do some reading...

Love kind

The first stage is to believe that there is only one kind of love. The middle stage is to believe that there are many kinds of love and that the Greeks had a different word for each of them. The last stage is to believe is there is only one kind of love. The unabashed "eros" of lovers, the symphathetic "philia" of friends, agape giving itself away freely no less for the murderer than for his victim (the King James Version translates it as charity) - these are all varied manifestations of a single reality. To lose yourself in another's arms, or in another's company, or in suffering for all who suffer, including the ones who inflict suffering upon you- to lose yourself in such ways is to find yourself. Is what it's all about. Is what love is. Of all powers, love is the most powerful and most powerless... It is the most powerful because it alone can conquer that final and most impregnable stronghold which is the human heart... It is the most powerless because it can do nothing except by consent.

And Ezy has left the building.. well.. actually Malaysia..

So i went to see my bro, Ezy at the airport. All of us, that would be me, Eddie, my eldest bro and El, the youngest of the boys. Still older than I am. Damn it. Wish I was the older one but well, I think it's good enough being the youngest and the only girl in the family. And no, I am not spoiled. I used to get things to go my way. Yeah, notice that i used the term.. 'used'? So, I'm no longer spoiled! Anyhoowee, we had a great laugh at Burger King, KLIA. It was so good to sit and talk about work and well, we mostly bitched about other ppl. Hehe.. not very nice are we? Hmmm.. come on, who doesn't bitch? U don't? Really? Maan... u're soooo good.. such an angel.. =P

Ezy is only going off for a month. He'll be back on the 27th May and will be going back to Dubai for good. That's when I think I'll cry buckets and pails. Wait.. is it pale or pail? Bail? No? Nope.. it's pail. I think. Oh well, I have a dictionary somewhere but too lazy to get my ass up. LOL. Such a lazy bitch sometimes but who cares.. coz I don't! Khalil, I did try to cry... hehe. Takde lah. Tak nangis pun. Like I said, maybe when we send him off again in May. I might probably get Amir to come with me. Hehe.. so that I can wet his shirt... gosh, that sound soo wrong.

We took pictures.. yeah, hehe.. it's so weird. We don't take pictures of all of us together often. In fact, the last time we did was maybe back in the 80s. All four of us.. yeap.. somewhere during the times when I was their pain in the ass! Still am. ;). Always will be. After I saw the photos (which we took using Eddie's phone), I felt kinda sad. Wish I had more photos of us. I think the best moments are always captured in the form of a picture and without us realising that is one of the best moments until we see the photo. I'm very close to my bros. They're afterall, my flesh and blood but I don't think I'm as close to Ezy as I am to my other 2 bros and it saddens me that I'm not. I wish I could turn back the time and make my r/ship with him better. We do talk... about almost everything. But I don't think he loves me as much as Eddie does. Or El. The thing is, I don't think I love him as much as I do both of them. I love Ezy, no doubt there but I wish I could love him more. He's a great person. He's one of the ppl I look up to. With him being away, maybe I will get the chance to think of a way to get closer to him. Who knows, when he comes back.. I'll be the first he'd call (okay, I know for sure that's not gonna happen!! hehe..). Anyway, I'm happy that he's happy. He looked excited and happy to start his new life in Dubai. I wish him all the best and I know.. if he ever need a listening ear.. I'll always be around for him.. any day.. any time.

Abg Ezy, I may not have told u this.. but I love u, bro and I'm proud to have u as my bro and wouldn't trade anyone for u. Maybe if Brandon Boyd.. okay, let's not go there...

Giggle? Google? Gurgle? Shut up!

I am now in charge of organising an event in Sept. It's an annual dinner cum fund-raising event of St. Johns PIBG. Excited! Not because it's an all-boys school but my friends will be performing for the event. Hehe.. well, will only know the answer tomorrow but so far, the manager said he's okay with it and they're willing to perform for free since it's all about fund-raising. I love doing charity work. I don't know about anyone else but I feel so good after doing some. Good because I get to see smiling faces of those ppl I'm helping and u feel all warm fuzzy-wuzzy inside. Sigh. Wish I could do it more often!

Had a couple more meetings after the one in St. Johns. Eddie and I were still full from our breakfast so we had Cinnabon for lunch. I had the chocolate cinnabon... OMG, it tasted sssssoooooooooo good. All the time! Yummy! KLCC had a fashion show goin on while I was there.. some local designers parading their clothes. Must be because of the Fashion Fair.. Week.. whatever. I used to know all about the fashion events but lately, I just don't bother... hehe. I had watch the fashion show just now coz my fren asked me to. It's her first runway.. of sort.. so just giving her my support. She did well. It turned out good and gal, if u're reading this, I'm proud of u! Let me know if u have more. Will be glad to give u all of my support!

Btw, I checked my nedstats and I'm curious of something... my page is always being viewed by someone using Maxis Comm.. and I'm just wondering who he/she is... I mean, it's like everyday... and sometimes more than once... just would like to say thanks.. for taking the time to read my thots.. which is basically nonsense.. ehehe... well, thanks again. Feel free to visit more often... hehe.

Tiring day!

I'm not gonna write a long one today. Reason being, I am so tired! Brought my niece, Wafi to update her photos at the talents agencies.. and she was a bit cranky.. just woke up and stuff. Anyway, had a nice surprise.. bumped into my long-lost petbro, Syed Khalil. Hehe.. so good-looking now. So grown up!

After that, I hung out at Amir's. Played PS2. Had a pretty restless day earlier.. but turned out alryte later. I think I better get some sleep. Goin to KLIA later at about 2am to send off my bro. Will write more tomorrow...

It's amazing how bored one can be...

Yeap, i'm bored. To death! I don't have anything to do at all. My bf's at home playing PS2 and will everyone please stop asking whether I'm seeing him or not today. My bro, sis-in-law and niece dropped by today. Yippee! I just remembered I have to update her photos at the talent agencies. Will probably bring her tomorrow.

I can't believe my bro bought a new cellphone. My dream cellphone. The Nokia 6600. *Screams*. I love that phone. Don't care what all of u think of that phone but I love it! It just feels so right when I hold it in my hand. Darn it! Not gonna get the same phone now. Oh well, when I have the money, I'd probably get the Nokia 7200. Suhh-wweeeettt!

Okay, now back to my boredom. Have u ever felt so bored that u wanna commit suicide? No, not me. Just asking if u have ever felt that way. Owh man. Bored. Yeah. Ain't got a thing to do. I'm thinking maybe I should re-deco my room but when u're bored, u're just too lazy to do anything. Unless if someone asks me out. I'm thinking; maybe I should call up my frens and go out.. but wait, I ain't got no frens. Well, I do but I'm just not in the mood to hang out with that bunch. Why? Coz all we'll be talking about is guys, guys and guys. Tired of that. Yeah. Really.

I wonder where the hell Nick is. He hasn't called. No emails. Am supposed to meet up this week but as usual.. he has gone missing. Yeah, I should have gotten used to it but this is just not Nick.. he would have at least said something about going off somewhere or something. Maybe I should ask Amir if Nick emailed him or something.

I've been receiving a lot of messages in MySpace from a bunch of different guys. It is the typical perverted messages. What's up with males and their hormones? Just because u see a gal's picture lying on her freaking bed does not mean she wants to get laid. How small is ur brain for u to actually think that that is what a gal wants? If u really want a fcuk, go get a whore. Another sad thing about this networking thing is that, ppl actually add u just for the sake of having a list of frens in their space. How sad can one person be? That's so pathetic. I don't add ppl unless I really want to get to know them. Honestly speaking, I only add gals because they're decent and even if they're horny, they write it in a way that would actually make me want to add them. Some gals may like the way some guys write.. but a lot of gals I know, prefer to get to know those that have something intelligent to say. Have a decent conversation on everything. A lot of gals act like they're a bunch of brainless bimbos, but they aren't. So, we may have a typical bimbo-ish profile but ask us anything intelligent, we'll blow ur mind away.

Oh yeah, someone emailed me saying that he got my email add from my blog and he asked me this:
"would u want to have anal sex?" What kind of a stupid question is that? It meant to be oneway, dude, if you don't like nothing near urs, don't ask the girl to take the pain for ur pleasure. And why in the hell would I want to have anal sex with u when I don't bloody know u?? See, somehow this kind ppl never fail to amaze me. Do guys always think with their small head instead of the big one? A guyfren of mine asked me once, why is it that whenever guys look at u when u're at a club, u pay no attention? Wanna know why? Simply because I'm not interested. Even if I did make an eye-contact, that does not mean u're my type. It could be I'm just playing. Well.. as the saying goes.. don't hate the player, hate the game.

A poem

Death, disease, famine
homelessness, abuse
I can't even watch the 8 o'clock news
When did we lose control
and how do we rebel
Take a look around
we're on a rocket ship to hell
There could be an answer
it may not be too late
but it involves a transfer
try love instead of hate
All you can do
is be good to people
and hope that those people
will be good to you too
but good luck
I doubt it!

Intimate insights

Hehe.. yeah ryte, like I'm gonna tell u the intimate stuff. What I'm gonna tell is that my bf, Amir is back! Finally! Not for good but at least, he'll be here for 4 months! Woohoo!! Can't wait to spend more time with him. Gotta catch up on the movies and food!! Damn.. he looks soo good. Yeah yeah, he's my bf and of course he's good-looking but honestly, if he isn't mine, I would still think so and have done anything to get his attention.. hehehe. Okay okay.. goin psycho here.

So, my bro is leaving today for Dubai. Actually he's off to his wife's hometown that is in Sarawak and will be leaving for Dubai from there. I don't think I get to see him before he goes off. It's almost 12noon and he's not here and hasn't called.. so yeah, don't think I'll see him. Am gonna miss him terribly. I don't wanna think too much about this because I don't wanna end up crying. It's hard enough to see my mum and my 3rd bro coping with this news. I don't want to think about not seeing him again because I am sure we will see him again.. soon (somehow, that doesn't sound too convincing!). I wish him all the best and hope he'll be happy with his decision (I know his wife is!! =P).

A crazy week!

I haven't been blogging due to some unforeseen circumstnaces. The TNB power house in my area was down so I couldn't go online. Couldn't do my research on some stuff and was really pissed. Now, everything is back to normal.

Okay, it has been a crazy week because my dad is not speaking to me. yeap, had an argument and he hasn't spoken to me since Monday. I give up. Yes, he's my dad.. I should respect him but in order for me to do so, I have to give up. Really. Ask my mum. She's the one who asked me to just go do my own stuff and wait till he starts talking to me again. So, that's what I have been doing. I'm so excited!! My bf, Amir is coming back on Monday and that is TOMORROW!!!! LOL. I sooo can't wait to see him. See how I can talk about 2 different subjects at one time.. yeah, that's me.

Anyway, went to watch Super Sapiens (HellBoy) with Amir's bro, Azhar, my 2 bros and my sis-in-law. The story.. is CRAP! I may not have read the comic but it's enough for me to say that the movie was a total flop! I mean.. what's with the ending? And the CGI?? OMG! I think whoever is studying CGI ryte now can do a much better outcome. X-Men is excellent. Really. Super Sapiens.. not at all. And again, that's my opinion. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion on anything and everything.. ryte? Ryte!!

Next, my bro, Ezy came over the other day to let us know that he just got a new job. Better pay and a higher position. Good news? Great news. That was great news till he told us that he'd be transferring to Dubai for the job! Dubai! How long will he be there? He's not sure. If he likes the way things go.. he'd probably be there.. FOREVER! Dubai! That's not anywhere near my house! I can't drive up to there, I have to take a bloody plane if I wanna have a talk with him. Not that I talk to him if I have something on my mind but he's my brother.. and I'm losing one because he's transferring to Dubai! I know if I ever need to talk to him, I can always meet up with him.. but now, if I do need to talk to Ezy.. how am I gonna do that? Sad thing is, I haven't shed a tear about his moving to Dubai. It's not that I don't love him, I love my brothers, all 3 of them (altho I don't tell that to their face.. :P) but I just can't seem to cry about it. What's wrong with me? I cried thinking about my bf in Canada and my bro.. MY BRO leaving us for Dubai.. and I did not cry.. nil! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?? Sigh. I think I'd cry when I send him off to the airport. Owh man.. I won't get to see my niece grow up. I won't get to play with her, read her storybooks.. mann... I don't care about his wife.. but their daughter is my niece.. and she is my bro's anak. Owh mann... I'm sooo gonna miss Ezy. Sigh...

Yesterday, I had a manicure at Kuku Bar. Went with Nina. Hehe.. nicceeee. Lovely! Wish I could do that often. Anyway, was supposes to meet up with Dezmark but something came up. Nina and I had lunch at Alexis, Bangsar. The cakes looked soooo yummy but I couldn't have any coz I was so full after I finished up my lasagne. Nina complaint saying that I never finish up my food.. I do so!! Just that, hehe.. I didn't have much appetite lately. Ryte now, I'm having loads of butterflies in my stomach. Hahaha. I'm excited about meeting Amir and am nervous at the same time. Lalala.. I think I better go do something. Maybe work out or something. Hehe.

Later...

BIG fish!

I watched BIG FISH a couple of days ago, it was a very interesting movie. I'm not gonna review the movie, just how i felt after watching it. I was fascinated at how Edward Bloom told his stories. How someone tells a tall tale. An event that happened in his life could have been told in a straight boring manner but instead he translated it into a fascinating and exciting event. The way it is told, it made me want to be in his situation! Which I somehow thot it could be true afterall but of coz it was all a fantasy.

The relationship between Edward Bloom and his son, which I forgot his name in the movie (played by Billy Crudup, who is btw SO HOT!) reminded me of a book I read; Man & Boy by Tony Parsons. A brilliant book. Should read it, ppl. Man & Wife is just as good.

Big Fish to me is excellent. Of course having played by 2 gorgeous men really helped but the storyline itself is amazing. It is very detailed. The graphics, i mean. If you really watch it, it's actually a simple story but I don't know, there's just something about it that makes it an unforgettable movie. Must be becoz of Ewan and Billy.. ;)

Enough already

Will u please stop hurting me? Really. Just go on with ur life. U have all the frens u need. Including mine. U should be happy by now. U left me with none. So, go ahead and get the hell out of my life. Stop telling ppl that I bitched about them, when the actual fact is that u're the one who is bitching about everyone and being a big fcuked up hypocrite. I'm tired of all this. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of expalining and I'm sick and tired of ur digusting behaviour. Just get the hell on, aight? Leave me be...

Early morning

My associate called me up at 8 in the freakin morning. I slept pretty late the nyte before because of work and I really need the sleep as I have an important appointment today. Sigh.. a gal can never have her beauty sleep in peace!

Diana called me from States yesterday morning. It was good to finally catch up on stuff. Too bad we don't get to have coffee since u've migrated there! Come back here... tell ur hubby it's much better to stay in Malaysia. ;)

I think I'm gonna take a nap.. leave my paperwork on the desk and get back to it later. Hehe.

Bite Me!!

I received the most ridiculous call this morning. A gal called me up at 6 in the freaking morning and screamed nuts at me for going out with her bf. Excuse me? First of all, I was at Sports Unlimited in the afternoon. Went shopping later. Alone. Went back and slept. Secondly, even if I did go out with him, he's not UR bf. Lastly, I have my own bf to go out with. Altho at the moment he's in Canada, I would rather much be spending time with my gfs. So, after all the explainations (which I seriously don't owe her any but she insisted that I tell her EVERY DETAIL), I thot I can get back to my sleep... but noooo, again she said "Bitch! U went out with him and watched a movie with him yesterday and u're denying it!! So typical of a bitch like u!".. hmm.. which part of 'I wasn't with him' don't u f***ing understand? Are u that stupid?? Such a retard. For heaven's sakes, u didn't even tell me ur name. Why? Coz u're not so sure that I'm the gal, ryte? Or are u just plain scared? He's single. He's not seeing anyone.. not even u! He doesn't want a relationship, get it? He's just using u. I know him very well. U should be calling him for an explaination, not me. U're older than I am but god, u think like a 17 yr-old gal. He's younger than u are, for crying out loud! Go get someone ur own age! If u can't face the fact that he just wants to have fun, then I'm sorry but u should really move on and u should know better than to date a guy that young. I don't call him. He calls me so if u don't like that, tough! I don't give a shit about how u feel. Did u think about how I would feel to receive a f***ed up phone call early in the morning? No, ryte? So, why should I give two hoots about how u feel after all the nasty things I said? I don't owe u anything, lady. Nil. He f***ed u up, not me. So go call him. Don't call every single female name/number u found in his cell. I'm sorry if u feel threatened or watever shit u just told me.. no, I'm not sorry.. I don't care actually. I really don't. As a matter of fact, I am actually starting to enjoy this sort of attention. I usually get attention from guys, it would be nice to get this sort of attention every now and then. I should really get used to this coz I am very sure this would not be the last time. I bet u, I'll get this sort of calls often... yeah, and I can't wait. It felt good to swear and it's so sad to see a 28 above ladies going nuts over a 22 yr-old guy. I'm actually enjoying this. Call me a bitch.. call me whatever u want.. I don't care. He calls me.. I don't call him. Oh and before u call anyone else, make sure u know wat to say. Gal, u stutter... do something about it.

Not good...

This feeling I'm having ryte now.. it's not good. Not good at all. Why do I have to feel this way?? I'm 23... actually age would 20.8 but yeah, well.. it's not me. I'm not suppose to feel this way. It's weird.. really!

Another day out

I went out with Tisha yesterday to.. where else.. OU. Had waffles and ice-cream. AAhh.. can't get enough of chocolate overload. Had a great time. I should go out with my gfs more often.. hehehe.

Amir called me this morning. Just spoke to him a few days before that but somehow felt like I haven't spoken to him for ages. He'll be back in 9 days.. yeap yeap.. 9 whole days more to go!

I got my comment thingy to work now.. and well, i still can't figure out on how to change the bloody colour of the font and the size. Went thru the settings and all, anyway, if any of u know anything on the 'how-to', pls drop me a line.. thanks.

I think I better get goin now. Getting too many messages and I can't concentrate! Later..

Happiness

I personally discovered that happiness is within our reach if we strive for it. Nothing comes easily in life. As a matter a fact, money can’t buy happiness. We all need to put in some effort and learn to appreciate life. We should be content with what we have. Bear in mind that nobody is perfect; neither is the world. We should therefore learn to accept our limitations, accept ourselves the way we are and go on living life to the fullest. There is more that we can do instead of wasting precious time coping with negativity. By learning to utilize our time in the best way we know, we can do something more meaningful – contribute a little more to society. There is no point hanging on to the past if it brings us agony and suffering. Life has so much more to offer. Learn to let go when it is time to move on. There is always a way; it’s whether we have the will and determination to go for it. But in order to achieve our goals, we have to make sure we take care of our well-being, be health conscious and physically and mentally sound. Happiness comes with a healthy body, mind and soul. We have to work towards happiness instead of waiting for happiness to come to us.

I'm giving up...

Okay.. so now, the comment codes are working.. and now, i'm trying to figure out on how to make it even and look nice.. on my blog.. arrghh!! On the verge of tearing my hair out!!

It's all about you, innit?

A very unproductive day. Wished it had been. I just read a guy's journal just now and what he wrote inspired me in so many ways. He wrote something about being a family. He said a family doesn't always consist of ur blood relatives... something to that effect but family could be the ppl u're very close to.. such as ur frens.. who have been there with u thru thick and thin... everytime u fall down, they're there to pick u up and tell u that things are goin to be alryte eventho u know for a fact, at times that, they won't be alryte. I admire ppl that have that sort of frens. I never have gotten the opportunity to have someone that would go thru a mile, even more for me. It's always the other way around. No, i'm not saying that i want something in return for every lil thing i do becoz i'm not like that but it would be nice to have or at least to know that someone out there would do the same for me. Some ppl, they do things in order to get something in return which to me, is just so wrong. If that's what u want.. then don't do it at all. Really. I had a lot of good frens that are now, some what strangers to me. Just bcoz i didn't have the time to hang out, they dissed me. Look, u may have all the free time in the world not just bcoz ur parents are paying for ur outings but bcoz u're just so free to go out every now and then and whatnot but for some ppl, like me.. working ppl, we don't have the time. Even if we do, honestly speaking, i'd rather spend time with my family bcoz i don't seem to have the time to do so lately. And u know wat, if it's bcoz of my not sharing or spending time with u that is pissing u off, then be it. I don't care anymore bcoz it has always been about u and well, i guess as a fren of mine, u aren't as understanding as i thot u were. This is not for a particular person.. its just my thots and how i'm feeling ryte now. Oh well.. dont think i can write anymore... maybe later...

A day out...

Yesterday, I planned to go out with Tisha. We did. Instead of just Tisha and I, we were joined by her sis, Nisha and hubby, Crin. Later, Dez joined us. I had fun. Although I was hoping it was just Tisha and I bcoz we had a lot of catching up to do but it was fun anyway. I haven't laughed like yesterday for such a long time. In fact, I didn't know they were so cool to hang out with.. hahaha.. if Tisha is reading this, she's goin to kill me!! Oh well, Tisha, I know u love me! Hahaha.

So, we met at OU around 2.30pm. Okay, ppl usually have the main course first or meal and after that the desserts, ryte? Yeah, well in the case of my frens and I, we had desserts first. Weird. Aahh.. chocolate cinnabon has never tasted sooo good! I must have been so hungry. Anyway, we didn't do anything much. A lot talking tho.. everything about us when we were in SSP. It was hilarious.. the things we do at the age of 11.. 12.. geez. Gals back then, whom I thot marriage was the last thing on their mind, are now, MARRIED! I can't believe she's married. This gal, I'm talking about.. well, she's a bitch. She called me one.. hmm.. it takes one to know one, ryte, Nish? Nish, Tish and I, we hated those bunch. Imagine at the age of 12, they think the world belongs to them. I think even now, they seem to think that way. Sad, bcoz it sure isn't theirs alone. Anyway, they're not worth the space of my blog, so after Nisha and Crin left for home (they just arrived from Aust so they were tired), Dez, Tisha and I decided to have something to eat. We ate at News-something, i ate there about 3 times already and yet, I never seem to remember the name of the cafe. Did more talking.. hmm.. bananaberry.. hahaha.. a stupid secret joke between Tish, Dez and I. God! The supervisor is not into me, Tish! Will u and Dez just stop about that the next time we go out! He freaks me out.. REALLY! He was just being nice. Kesian dia.. got the wrong info. At about 7-ish, Tisha went home and I didn't really wanna leave yet, so Dez and I decided to go somewhere we can talk so he chose Gelare. We had waffles, Tish.. I promise u, next time I'll bring u there. I forgot all about it. Sigh.. we had a good talk.. he is full of surprises, that Dez. There are so many things about him that I thot I have known enough, apparently not. He's a good fren. I think the only guy fren (besides my greekGod) that is always there for me, willing to listen to everything I have to say without wanting or expecting anything in return. He's a cool dude. We had to leave at 9-ish coz he had to get some stuff for his parents and later, sent me home. Over all, it was a great day for me. I wish Amir was around with us.

Being with them yesterday, had me thinking about my frens before this. I had fun with them but it's just diff with Tisha and gang. With them, it's like we're uncontrolable yet behaved. I don't know if that makes any sense but it does to me. Some ppl think it's so cool to let out.. just be yourself in public but I don't know.. to me, that's just wrong. U gotta know when to loose urself and when to behave. In public, well for me, I have to behave becoz my father's frens are everywhere. I don't want words to get to my parents that their daughter is out of control or is misbehaving in public. I guess that is why, some of my frens have decided to ditch me. I can't be someone they want me to be. I have changed. I may not changed to a better person in their eye, but I have to say this, I have changed to a better person. I am no longer the loud person I was. I am 24 (sorry, 23.. i'll be 24 in Oct).. so I guess I have to behave like one. Behind closed-doors, I can be 13.. 4.. whatever age but in public, I'm 23. Call me a hypocrite but I think there is a lot of ppl like me out there. I just don't see the point of being urself and complain later that ppl are treating u like a kid or giving u 'my goodness, don't this kid know how to behave' looks. Another thing is, pretentious ppl. I don't see the point of being someone else just to impress ur circle of frens or the gal/guy u just met. Why the need? If u pretend to be someone u're not, u know for a fact that that gal/guy is only falling for the person u pretend to be and not u. Be yourself. U'll be surprise of how much there is in u that can make a gal/guy or even more, like u for u. Think about that.

Feeling rather amorphous

I couldn't sleep the whole nyte. Too many things were on my mind.. in fact, they're still on my mind. Have you ever felt like there are so many things on your mind that you don't exactly know what they are? Even if you do, there maybe a few that you can't figure out what it is. Am I making any sense here? See what I mean? Even I don't know what's on my mind or what the hell i'm writing. The lack of sleep has left me feeling rather weak. I'm suppose to pick up my cheque today but too weak to go out. In fact, I'm so weak I can't even type properly. My mind is just not working.

Okay, well, anyway, I miscalculated. There are 13 days left till Amir comes back. 13 days!! If only time would pass by faster. We have a lot of catching up to do. And a good play is goin to be staged at Bangsar Actors Studio on the 10th April onwards.. and I want to catch that play. It's goin to be a great one. I can just feel it. Ryte.. ;)

Tisha just told me that an old fren of ours is coming back somewhere in June. I bet she can't wait for that. Hehehe. Speaking of Tisha, mann.. we shared so many things back in primary school. We argued a lot too. We went out separate ways after std 6 and weren't as close as back then. About a yr ago, I bumped into her and it was great bcoz it wasn't awkward at all. It's good. We picked up from where we left off and now... it's all good. I don't think everyone else would do the same like what Tisha did. No matter how long ago you parted with your 'used-2-b-bestfrens', you would still hold that grudge against that person. I'm talking about those that parted on bad terms. I can't see myself being good to someone that betrayed me or backstabbed me. I just can't. Maybe it was easy for Tisha and I because the reason why we weren't close after primary school was the fact that we went to different secondary schools but although that may be the main reason, we did have a huge fight before we left SSP. Maybe it was easy for me to start all over is because what happened between us both was way back when we were 12. Now we're both 20-somethings and we have matured since then. I don't even know how I got into writing about this. All I'm saying is that, I miss all my frens. Especially the ones I was very much close to. My bestfrens who were with me when things were not good at home. My bestfrens who were there for me when I found out my ex-bf was cheating on me. My bestfrens who taught me the value of frenship but backstabbed me anyway. Okay, I don't miss them but if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have come acrossed 2-faced bitches like them and wouldn't have known that ppl like that exist in this world. The sad thing is that, ppl like them.. increases everyday...

I'm getting hungry.. mum's calling for lunch. Well, I'll write more later...

15 days left...

Ayu is helping me out with the template. Thank God, she's willing to help me with it. I was quite good at it but after a yr plus of not blogging, I forgot all the codes and stuff. Ayu! Thank you sooo much!!! You're my saviour!

Yeap yeap, 15 days left! Can't wait to see Amir. I'm goin to get back on the template. Write later..

Just another day...

I was called for duty last night. Hehe.. to play 'Call of Duty'. I had a headache and decided to stay home instead. Got bored so I went online. A fren of mine, which her name I shall not mention; is having a hard time with her... ermm.. guyfren. I don't know what to call them actually (coz they aren't exactly in a r/ship), but the point is it hurts to see what she's goin thru. I've been in her situation before and believe me, you wouldn't want to be in our situation. Why is it that it is so hard for guys to understand that that all we need is a little assurance? Maybe not little but for heaven's sakes just give us a bloody assurance! One more thing, what is it with you guys not letting us go out with other guys when it's alryte for YOU GUYS to go out with other gals? You're not even her bf!!! OMG! Please let me (and my fellow ladyfrens) understand men. Guys say gals are hard to understand. Try to understand your gender. It ain't easy, dude.

Anyway, we talked till 3am and from my own understanding, she's goin to give him 'the talk'. Altogether now.. *Oooohhh*. I hope, gal (if you're reading this), things will work out for you. I don't want it to go on like it is. You're not happy and why the need to stay? First of all, you're not his gf. You have a lot goin on for you. You have great guys waiting in line. I know once you set your heart on someone, it's hard to let go but if it ain't working, honey, it ain't worth it. Let me know how it went, k? Call me anytime you need to talk. Whatever your decision may be, I'm two steps behind you. If you decide to stay and he decides he wants a r/ship with you, go ahead but if he screws up... you know what I'll do. Just wait and see... (only if he screws up) and if it's the other way around... hehe.. I'll kick your ass, gal!!! You're smiling now, aren't you? Hehe.. well, hang in there, sweety. It'll be over soon...

Did i..

Mention that i miss Amir? No? Oh okay.. well, I MISS AMIR!!!

Later...

17 days left...

Amir just called. God, I miss him soooo much. In 17 days, I'll have someone to hangout with, someone I can bitch about ppl with.. hehe.. just can't wait to see Amir.

Everything is pretty much the same between my bro and his wife. Not talking. Yeah.. well, couldn't care less now.

Nothing much to write. Will probably write later..