Chutzpah!

Well well well, Nick's getting married. Congratulations, buddy! I dunno what took him so long to tell me (since he said they've been thinking about it 2 months ago) but he told me anyway and I'm happy for him. *Am I really happy?* It's not like he's the love of my life or anything close to that but I thot marriage is the last thing on his mind. I thot wrong. As usual. Ppl can really surprise you. I'm not judging him by thinking that he's rushing into this bcoz he's not. At least, that's what he told me. I don't think he is. He gave me a metaphor about his decision, it was hilarious but I can't remember what it was. It was funny. Hilarious. *Laughs*

Elisha, the gal he's marrying is a wonderful person. I've known her since I started modelling which was in 1997. We were good buddies but shit happens and we went about doing our own things. I have no hard feelings against her and I hope she doesn't too. It makes me happy knowing that he's getting married to Elisha and not anyone else. Reason being, I have always thot that they'd make a great couple eventho they're pretty much different from each other. I think they tried hard making the relationship work. Especially Elisha. Knowing that she has never kept her eyes off him. I know that from a fren and yes, we were buddies and we shared a lot of things together. In fact, I dated Nick after they broke up back then. And no, they didn't call it off bcoz of me. Most of our frens thot that Nick and I would end up together. Funny of them to think so bcoz it never crossed my mind. What we had was great but we can't help but make mistakes in life. He made a huge mistake and it took me years to forgive and forget him. Forget about what we had. I hated him. So much. He did everything possible so that I'd forgive him. At times, he failed. Me being a female, I succumbed to it at last. He knows I'm over him and that I wouldn't take him back but my frenship as he puts it, "meant more than anything in the world" so we became frens again. I'm glad we did. The wound is still there. To top it off, someone else had to break my heart. Anyway, the news of Nick becoming a husband have made me wondered about a lot of things. Mostly things connected to marriages and how ppl nowadays rush into it and getting a divorce the next yr or at least.. 5 yrs later.

I just hope Nick has learnt his lessons and will avoid repeating it bcoz getting married is not something you can take lightly. It's an investment. A big one at that. It's a huge decision and something you might want to take a long time to think about before getting into it. It's not just about you, it's about the 2 of you. It's being able to wake up in the morning and see the same face for the next 60 yrs or so without feeling or thinking "Owh mann.. it's the same person again!". I live in a world of my own. I have my own idea of a marriage and this is what marriage is to me, it's about 2 different ppl living the rest of their lives together thru thick and thin and dying together. Okay, maybe not that but grow old together unless you're both in an accident and die together than yeah, that's possible but you might die first, let's say.. of a heart attack, then your partner will be left alone and then she dies of.. old age or cancer.. it doesn't have to be the husband first, the wife could die first. Whichever God wants it to be. Anyway, I know there is no such thing as Mr/Ms Right or Mr/Ms Perfect. If there is, pls let me know. I'd love to meet them. If something makes you unhappy, do something about it. Talk it thru. Make it work. Don't just shut it off. Yes, there are times when you just don't want it anymore but remember, you chose to live with that person for the rest of your live so make it work. Don't be selfish. Selfish is something you should avoid when you're married. I don't think I can marry someone who thinks of himself most of the time. And yes, there is such person. My brother is married to one.

I want to be with someone who can make me a better person and I can make him a better person. I'm the type who is willing to go thru thick and thin. It doesn't matter if I have to sacrifice myself bcoz that's what marriage is about. If he's sick, I want to and would be the one to take care of him and I expect him to do the same. It's about compromising and willing to be open to every idea we both have to make our marriage happier and better. I want to be someone who is not going to get bored of me bcoz I don't believe that when you're in love, you'll get bored of that person. I just don't. It happened to me. I guess I'm a boring person, I dunno but I think a person who gets bored easily is someone who is not matured and isn't sure of what he/she wants but has to have someone with him/her so that he/she feels good.

Then again, I don't think I'm gonna get married. I don't want to. Maybe I will but I don't wanna get into something and end up getting hurt. Again. and Again.