Another emotional day

I hate my days lately. I don't have the appetite to eat altho I am hungry. Everyone is forcing me to eat bcoz I have to take my medicine. F**k the medicine. It's not like I'm gonna die if I don't take it. I'll live, u know. D-uh!

I went out yesterday. First had to meet a client then I met Tina. I just had to get out of the house. Everything is just so weird at the moment. So, now she's thinking of the lilac gown instead of the cream coloured gown. I prefer the cream gown but then, it's not my wedding. She looks absolutely gorgeous in the cream gown but she prefers the lilac bcoz it doesn't make her look fat... hello, u're as thin as I am. What fat are u talking about? I told her to go home and think about it. Again. Yes, this is the second time she has decided to change her gown and I told her, look since the wedding is not till next year.. u have all the time to think about it. Just make sure u'll decide on one before it's too late. She has all the time, yeah but I don't want to dissapoint her by saying.. "Ooops, sorry.. ur wedding gown won't be ready till after ur wedding day". Get what I mean? No? Good.

So after that, met up with Tina. My my.. she has lost weight! She looks good. We were so bising. At least I got some stuff off my mind. Okay, I'm lying. It didn't but well, I dunno. Oh and she invited me to her fren's farewell dinner on Friday nyte. I still haven't decided on going. Should I? I don't know any of her frens. Not those ppl, at least. Well, I think I'd rather stay home and watch TV. Wow.. stay home on a Friday nyte.. sad huh? Well... believe it or not.. I'm used to it and it doesn't kill to stay home on a Friday nyte. Not for me, that is.. I dunno about other ppl and truth to be told, I don't care.

Nick called this morning. Thanks for waking me up, dude! Yeah, sorry for not replying. Been sick as u know and I just don't feel like writing much. I just needed some time alone. Glad to know that u're finally flying back home. If u can call Malaysia ur home.. hehe. We'll meet up soon, yah? Gimme a call as soon as u get ur white ass home.

Ryte at this moment, I'm feeling a bit sad. I just miss him, I guess. I know i know.. he doesn't care but let him be. I can't afford to think about other ppl anymore. If everyone can be selfish, so can I. Not that I want to be one. Selfishness is not in me but I think sometimes being selfish makes u happy. Maybe I should move on but maybe I don't want to. Maybe I'm just tired with everything. Yeah, that could be it. I'm so out of love. I don't want to be in love. I may sound dramatic but those who know me well, they know when I say black.. it's black. Love is a wonderful thing, no doubt in that but it is also painful. What in the world does it mean that if u're such a great gf but that person doesn't deserve u bcoz u're too good for him? I just don't get that. I thot everyone wants just that for them.. and here I am being left bcoz I'm the best gf ever. If that is the case, then I might as well just forget about falling in love. I've had enough. Enough pain to last me thruout my whole life. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me (which I haven't said this of my ex-bfs) and he is irreplaceable. He may have found someone else... maybe not but if he does, that's his life. As for me, I don't want to. I'm just out of love.

He's the sweetest guy, the most intelligent and such a good-hearted person. He's just amazing and I want him to be happy. It if means happiness to him to have someone better than I am, so be it. I may not be able to swallow it but it's his life. As always, as before.. I just have to love him from afar...