Long awaited update...

Sandy has been bugging me to update my blog. I haven't been free lately to blog and honestly speaking, wasn't really in the mood the past few days/weeks but today, I thought maybe I should blog seeing that work is pretty much non-existent at the moment.

Yesterday was the 40th day of my mother's passing and we held a 'Tahlil' for her. My cousins came - something I really didn't expect. Wati told me about the last few days (especially the day of the wedding) that she got to spent with mum and how my late mother was glowing and so happy and all... that made me cry. Dila bawled like a baby after looking at some recent photos that was developed by another cousin of mine (dad's side). Apart from all the crying - everything went well and we'll have another one on the 100th day.

I cannot stop smiling since morning. I feel extremely happy. I feel like my heart is about to burst! I don't know if anyone can relate to that feeling but it's something really good. Something I wish everyone can experience at least once in their lifetime.

Oh I read on NST last night that Incubus is coming in March! I can't believe the best rock band ever (for me anyway) is coming our way for the second time. I still remember their first concert here few years back and I enjoyed myself to the fullest!!! It was a bit of a disappointment that they didn't play a few of their really good songs from older albums but it was still one hell of a night! I was going freaking ga-ga over Brandon Boyd and drooling over him at that time. Thinking about it now - it was really whacked up! Those were the days. I am thinking of going cause John Legend is performing as well but the thought of staying there the whole day - with all those local bands *barf* - not really my thing so we'll see.

Always and Forever

Basking in the warmth of your smile
And the music of your laugh
I feel your tenderness
And your oh so witty style

I don’t know why God blessed me
With such a wonderful man as you
But it makes my pleasure complete
And very happy too

The way you always know me
And exactly what to do
When my loneliness gets me down
And I’m so very blue
The way you see into my soul
And looked behind my eyes
And I don’t have to hide my feelings
And put on a disguise

With you I learned to trust
And as a person I have grown
Who could have possibly told me
How could I have known
That you would come in to my life
And my beauty would start to bloom
And like a pretty butterfly
Come out of my cocoon

To share your tender heart
The warmness of your smile
The courage of your wisdom
For these I’d walk for miles

To be thinking of a time
When you’d no longer be there
For me to gaze upon in delight
And all our feelings share
Is not acceptable to me
Because in my life
Is where I want you to be
Always and forever.

I am Officially Pissed Off!!!

I was told by Sandy that Noura smokes weed or used to smoke. Wow. Apparently, TJ the exBF was a great influence in her life. She stopped drinking a few years back and started again when she met TJ. Never did weed but tried and hooked on it when she got involved with TJ. So basically she threw her already messed up life away for an idiot who in the first place could care less about her well being. And she loves this guy.

I am pissed off because how can she throw her life away just like that? She may still be alive but still why get involve in something so stupid?? It's bad enough that she doesn't know how to take care of herself! She told Sandy that she's going for medical check up today and will be doing the abortion some other day. WTH?!

This is all beyond my comprehension and really, I am done worrying about her well being. I can't deal with people like Noura who is so effing messed up!!!

Mummy, we miss you dearly!

I went to visit you earlier, mum. I'm sure you know that, unless you were busy visiting other people *smile*.

I miss you more than I did the first day. There is so much I want to tell you and I miss having you around physically here with all of us. Remember how I used to crack you up with my silly remarks on things we see on TV? Or how we used to stare at fashion victims and giggle away? Aaahhh missed that lots!! Mum, my staff seems to think that I am funny and witty... where do they get that idea?!?

It's one month today and I still can't believe you're gone. I am still coping in my own ways. Oh I found your shawl - my favourite shawl. I was going out of my mind looking for it and daddy told me someone put it in the top drawer of the Ikea drawers. I am so happy someone found it and put it there and I wore it today when I visited you. I will always wear that piece. You liked it on me too. *smile*

Sandy wrote a beautiful piece about you on her blog and she says that you read our blogs... well, not too sure about that but if you do (I don't think you know I have one but being one of the cool people UP there, I suppose you're almost capable of anything?), I want you to know that I love you very much, mummy and I miss you soooo very much. I hope I have made you proud. Most of my friends still can't believe that you're gone and those who I bumped into recently, also daddy's and the brothers' friends when informed - can't stop telling us how amazing of a woman you were, mummy. Remember, you thought people didn't really like you...? well, I can tell and assure you that PEOPLE ADORE YOU TREMENDOUSLY!!! I had friends who wanted to swap their mothers with you, ingat tak??! You know I told them... HELL NO! *smile* Mum, is it okay for me to say "hell no"??

Oh Wafi can tell the time now! She showed on the clock what the time is etc and she has started learning how to read Arabic. I bet she'll finish the Al-Quran first than I do! LC is as smart as ever. She loves daddy's company. I'm happy with the way things turned out between daddy and Ezy but at the same time, it's sad that you are not around with us... and you know what I mean about that.

I wish I could have one last hug with you, mummy. I want that very bad. I miss you. I haven't cried for a few days and right now, I can't stop crying cause I miss you.... I miss you, mummy. Sometimes I feel like I need therapy because of how I feel. At times I am angry at you for leaving us behind but I know God loves you more than the rest of us and He wants you up there with him and then, thinking that - I would be happy but sad still cause I can't have you to hug, kiss and talk to. We had a lot to do - we planned so many things to do and now, they are just untouched memories.

Mummy, I feel in me that you loved all us of unconditionally... asking nothing in return. You always put us before you and we can't thank you enough. I am so sorry I didn't thank you enough when you were around on earth. Daddy is always talking about how good you treated him, always looked out for him, made sure he ate good healthy food.

I know you're looking after us from where you are.

I love you, mummy dearest.

You're one in a million.

I'd be lucky to be half the woman you were.
(Can't see that happening *smile*)

Love and miss you always,
Tya

Saving lives... drama of the day!

It's one month today - the passing of my late mother. I went to the grave with daddy and recited some prayers for her. Dad left about 15 mins later for a meeting and I stayed. It dawned upon me that come Eid Mubarak this year, it will only be the two of us. My brothers will probably be going back to their wives' hometowns while dad and I will probably spend it with his siblings. How fun....

After I 'talked' to mummy and cried my eyeballs out, I went to One Utama to meet up with Sandy. As always, she was late. LOL - actually I was way too early so I decided on my own that we catch a movie so I bought two tickets to 'Mad Money'. I had no idea what it was about but seeing that the cast consist of Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes - I thought it shouldn't be too shabby and boy was I right! It turned out to be a really good movie and we enjoyed it very much!!

After we were done with the movie, we had something to eat. I - as always - was hungry and - as always - 2 Libras together isn't good for you, let me tell you that! We were of no help to one another when it comes to decision-making!! I couldn't decide on what to eat and so couldn't Sandy (I wanted Nando's potato salad but the promo was over - so typical!!) so after rounds of "what do you want to eat - up to you whatever you want" - we ended up at Zoup.

The menu was impressive and then, I couldn't decide what to have so I ended up with Pasta Aglia E Olio and Detox juice which is made of Apple, Cucumber, Celery and Mint. Sandy had Pasta Carbonara and OJ.

My pasta was lousy. It is the simplest type of pasta a kid could make and it turned out lousy! How is that possible?! Sandy's Carbonara... don't even let me go there. It tasted like it was burned out! I may not be a good cook but I can cook. Heck! My brothers make really fantastic pasta sauces! After the food that we consumed, I definitely needed to detox!! The meal cost MYR47.something and it wasn't worth it. I wouldn't mind spending more elsewhere.

After the meal, Sandy wanted to take some pictures so we walked around. We needed some fresh air so we opted the outdoor of One U. I saw Starbucks and decided I could use some chocolate drink. So off we went to Starbucks and as always, I ended up with a cake and it was.. Rocky Road! It was okay, I have tried it before but it wasn't as good as the last one I had.

Something tells me - I'm hard to please lately... actually my BF told me that and I kinda see the truth in it lately! LOL.

We left One U around 5 cause Sandy had to be home to talk to her John-John (that sounds kinda wrong, doesn't it?! - lol) and I was pretty tired after all the walking and I was actually down from missing my mother.

So I got home and there were 2 tiny kittens on the road and it broke my heart to see them walking aimlessly. I contemplated whether to take them or not. I went home. I felt guilty and I talked to BF and he said take them if I wanted to, Sandy said I should and my heart... it told me to bloody take care of them already!! Sigh.

Why I contemplated was because I wasn't too sure if I could do it - taking care of them, feeding and cleaning them up as I am pretty lousy at that. Well, I babysit my nieces often but that's totally different - in my opinion anyway. Kittens are.... impossible to take care of especially without their mothers. When we had 2o over cats/kittens, my brothers took care of them. I was only 4 or 5 - what did I know except to play with and cradle them like they were my babies only I realised then I wasn't a cat.... if my religion believed in past lives, I would have been a cat - for sure! I love fish and people say I have cat eyes... go figure!

Anyway, I love animals. I love CATS! Period. I took those tiny kittens in. They were extremely noisy cause they were probably dying of hunger (such a drama queen, aren't I) so I prepared milk, took a new sponge and dipped it in the milk. Voila~! The kittens sucked on them like they've never sucked before!! I bet they haven't and I am very sure their stupid excuse of an owner threw them in the dumpster! They were in a box when I went to get them. I do not understand people like this. Why can't you bloody take them to PAWS or SPCA?! The least they could have done is let mummy cat feed those kittens until they are capable of being on their own and THEN give them away to the shelters. People like this piss me off BIG TIME!

I wiped them clean and now they look fresh. Fresh and clean. Hehe. I am taking them to SPCA with daddy tomorrow. I wish I could keep all three but with the way things are at the moment, we can't afford to have one. I am at work most of the time and dad is either at Ezy's or out with his friends so it isn't the right time yet but I so want a cat and I will definitely make that happen some time later.

I love rainy days!

I really do!! It's raining heavily right now and I wish I could just go outside and get myself wet! Just dancing in the rain and then get sick! Wooohoooo!!!

I am still quite stressful with Noura's situation. She's so friggin' stupid! I am not kidding you cause she has no idea what she wants to do with her baby and life. Okay yeah, she's going for abortion but is taking her own bloody sweet time about it!!!

How can one be so calm about things like this? First of all, how can one take such a big risk?!

Yeah you can tell I am trying out this font stuff...

- Babygirl

Just trying this out

Last weekend was pretty boring. Nothing much happened. Had dinner with Ezy, Zaiton, LC and dad. Food was lousy except for the Mushroom soup. Yummy.

So it's the beginning of the week. Tomorrow will be exactly one month after my mother's passing. Will be visiting her grave. Sandy is planning to sleep over cause she wants to go as well but it depends on John-John (I think).

I miss Sexylove... LOTS!!


xoxo

- Babygirl

Keep giving until it cost me my sanity....

This is in response to an entry by Sandy. Her entry reminded me of what I went through few years ago. I have only shared this with my late mother, BF and Sandy.

From I was a teenager, I have always been the one that friends call up to share their dissatisfactions, insecurities and what-not in their lives. I was also the one my late mother talked to about her past, how she was treated, what she went through, problems that arise in/during the last few years - I absorbed everything and was always there even when I couldn't - I just made time to be there.

It got to me when I was so depressed about my relationship. I wouldn't eat, I couldn't too - couldn't sleep, wouldn't go out of my room but when I was out - I had a fake smile on my face and even during that moment, I was always available for other people to pour their feelings/emotions - again I absorbed and it took a toll on me. I went through depression. I was not medicated, obviously as I didn't think it was bad enough to seek therapy (not that I am big on therapy) but I read online about depression and I had all the symptoms of Manic Depressive class Bipolar. That scared the hell out of me!

I told my mother about that I couldn't take it anymore. I keep giving my energy to people around me. I kept giving and giving until there was none left for me to go through my days. Thank goodness my late mother was there for me and got me through those dark days of my life. It was scary and it was something I didn't want to go through ever again but guess what... I almost did just today....

As I have written much earlier, I have reconnected my friendship with Sandy. During one of our outings, she told me what Nora was up to. 2007 was a stressful year for Sandy as Nora was hanging on to her for support of all her screwed up views on relationships and well, life. To cut a very long story short, Nora has been dating a Nigerian (not that it matters to me) guy who is physically and mentally abusive. Not cool. I have dated one local guy who was just like that and it was pure hell, I didn't know what I was thinking back then!

Mama - Il Divo

Mama, thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love, you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed along the way [along the way]

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, yeah I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong, Dry your eyes [dry your eyes]

Cause I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, I miss you

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed along the way [along the way]

Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama


I heard this song in the car on my way out earlier today. I had to hold back my tears as my father was with me. I can't let him see or hear me cry cause that will make him cry. The words to this song pretty much dead on. I am who I am today because of her and my father. I truly owe it all to them for giving me the best education, a roof over my head, the support that I need(ed), the unconditional love and care they have for me.

My mother was a housewife. She used to work during her younger years but she once told me her life was more fulfilling when she became a housewife. It made her happy to be home with her children, see them grow up, nurturing and teaching them good values in life.

It's a full time job - being a stay at home mother. I don't know if I could be one but seeing how my mother managed it all, it is slowly becoming to me... I'm practically doing half the things she used to do except for the cooking part (for now) and it's really tiring but really worth it. Not that I am married with kids but doing house chores are really friggin' tiring especially the mopping and cleaning up. The washing and folding... *phew*!

Mum, you're truly the BEST!!!

I wish..

Mummy... I wish you were around to advice me. I'm so weak right now. I miss you soo much... why did you leave me? There is so much that I still need to learn from you.... I miss you, mum... I miss having your arms around me when I break down and cry...

I miss talking to you....

Fly Me To The Moon

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me

Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

I am so hooked on this song. It's on repeat on the player of the car. I keep listening to it and singing it - when I am taking a shower, watching TV, working... almost all the time! It is really stuck in my head!! Woohooo!!

Food tasting

Yesterday, Jace and I tried out a new cafe around the corner of our office building. Okay, not exactly around the corner - it was about 2 blocks of buildings away from ours - so it was about 3 min walk from the office - give and take. Anyway, the place is called Pappa Kopitiam (why?!) and serves eastern and east meets west dishes. The usual 'roti bakar' which we tried and it was not so bad.

I had 'Assam Laksa' - it turned out to be yummylicious! It was definitely worth the cash. Jace had 'Curry Mee' which was really delicious too. The drinks were made to perfection - Iced black coffee for me and she had iced coffee with milk - YUMMY. Seriously. They were tasty!!

Then for lunch (the above was for breakfast) - we went to the same place and I had the Chicken Chop which was served with Garlic Fried Rice - okay, the Chicken Chop, not good at all but the fried rice... YYUMMMYYY!! Jace had the 'Assam Laksa' this time cause she loved it so much the first time from trying mine and well, she ended up finishing mine.

This is how the place (just the outside though - I didn't have the time to take more pics) and food look like...







The break down :

Assam Laksa - RM6.20
Curry Mee - RM6.80
Roti Bakar - RM3.20
Kopi O - RM2.60
Kopi - RM3.20
5% Serv Chg - RM1.12
_______
Total - RM23.42
_______

Not bad at all. Can't remember how much lunch cost cause Jace paid for that but it must have been below RM30. We eat a lot for small bodies like ours. *smile*.

Later that evening, Ezy, Zaiton, LC and daddy picked me up from work. Went to Jusco in Kepong (which will be the last time for me!!! - so not my place!) to get some groceries and my SIL went to get some new outfits for LC. Dad and I walked around - place was jam-packed with a lot of people, I kid you not!! It was so hard for me to breathe - I felt so icky. It would have been different if we were in OU or The Curve - my two favourite places to shop!

So an hour later, we headed back to Ezy's. El and Jules came over and Ezy grilled some burgers. He plans to open up his own food business - something long the lines of 1901 (just better I would say!) - with his own sauces. So last night, Ezy and Zaiton prepared 4 different sauces for us to try.... okay, even if I was not related to my brother, I would still say that they did a brilliant job at it! That man can cook, I tell you!!

One sauce was the Carbonara which went brilliantly with the beef patty that my brother made himself. My SIL added mustard to the sauce (that would be sauce #2) - here's the thing, I am not really a fan of mustard but it went down very well with Carbonara which was something new for me. Topping #3 would be the Caramelised Onions - nothing new, have always been my favourite and it went well with the beef patty just that the bread was a bit off - the bread he usually uses was not in market or something.

Jules and I came up with a conclusion that although the sauces were tasty and went down friggin' well with the beef patty - it would have tasted better if the bread was right and beef patty was thicker. Ezy is still testing the size of the burgers and what not so I'm sure there will be more food tasting in the near future. By the time sauce #4 was ready, I was too tired and sleepy - it was almost 00:34 - so dad and I decided to leave for home.

I texted him in the early afternoon and received no reply whatsoever. I don't know if it was right for me to feel hurt but I did anyway.

Fantastic news!

I was told that little angel #2 is better than ever and now able to hear perfectly. It must have been an exciting morning and the best day ever in your life, my love. What a way to start off the new year, hey? I can just see you smiling broadly and that no one can wipe it off your handsome face! Wish I was there with you in times like this. Just so you know, you and your kids are always in my heart.

xxx

- Babylove

She thought highly of you...

First of all, thank you so much for your entry! It really touched my heart and I couldn't stop my tears reading it. I'm happy to know that you loved her even though you both got to know each other via emails and that one phone call.

My mother did think highly of you, my love and she was very happy to know that the reason I have been more cheerful than ever was because of you. It is sad that there wouldn't be a second phone call to her anymore but for me, it's enough that she got the chance to talk to you that one time. She was smiling the whole evening too, that I remember very much.

It's been 20 days now and I am still missing mother just as much since the first day she left all of us. I think about her day and night - how she used to nag about my not eating breakfast, our mother-daughter talks - I miss that so much as I have so many things I want to tell her. Good and bad. I know I can 'talk' to her but it's just not the same. She had the best advice and was always willing to listen to me at at any time. I miss making silly remarks and hearing her silly comebacks.

I miss her smile... smell... voice. I miss her cooking! Gosh I miss that so very much. It isn't the same as eating out - even if we ate a place that serves the same type of dishes. She taught me a few dishes but again, it wouldn't be the same even if I cooked it although I was told my curry was tastier *smile* - it wouldn't have been if it wasn't for my mother.

I miss her very much today... but I know my father misses her more.

- Babylove

I loved her too........

Although I never had the PREVILEGE of meeting your mother, my babygirl, I did love her too......Out of the bit of communication I had with her via e-mail, and of the way you always spoke about her, I knew that I loved her too......and I also knew we would get along very well, would we ever get the chance to meet !!

I think what made me the saddest of all, when I heard she was no longer with us, was that I would never get the chance to meet her......and she will never meet me ! xxx

I really loved you Nora.....I really enjoyed our e-mails and I will ALWAYS miss them.....I am soooo angry with myself, for not calling you for a 2nd time, so we could talk more than we did that first time !! I am so sorry for not calling again....xx

I really love your daughter & I will love her for a very long time still........and I will look after her to the best of my ability!!

With all my love.....xxxx

When You're Gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on my floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I heard this song a couple of months ago and was totally hooked on it. I would listen to it almost every day and hum it now and then. When I watched the video, I cried especially the part where this old man was remembering his late wife. That really touched my heart... now, whenever this song comes on - I'd switch channels because just hearing the start of the song, would make me cry. This song is something I can relate to since the demise of my mother. All the members of my family can. Eddie told me this evening that just a few days ago (if I remember it correctly), he was singing it and then the thought of our mother and how much he is missing her... he ended up crying. I know what he was talking about.

El texted me a few minutes ago that he misses mummy. So do I. An hour or so ago, daddy and I got home from Ezy's. I unlocked the front door and I pictured mummy - greeting us at the door... just like she used to. Washing the dishes, reminds me of her - standing at one corner or just on the other side of the kitchen talking to me.

I posted about the ring that I really like - thinking about it now, I wish I had shared with her the website. I'm sure she would love the ring. When I showed her my ring, she said it was very pretty. I told her that someone said the ring I am wearing now isn't 'big' - my mother was appalled by that and I told her, it's okay cause it's not how big or expensive it is but what's important is what it symbolizes and who it's from. I remember what my mother said to that - "I have brought you up pretty well, I am proud that you think that way". My mother and father did bring me and my brothers up very well, I'd like to think so anyway.

I miss my mother so much. I know we all have to move on but I just need some time. I wasn't mentally prepared to go back to work (I'm still not quite prepared!) but I had to... and it is taking a toll on me as I couldn't really concentrate on work for the past few days.

I don't remember having a picture taken of my mother and I together... not recently and at this moment, it's something that I regret not having!

I'm bitten by the ring bug!

I have no idea what is wrong with me but I am so obsessed with wedding rings right now. I have never been so obsessed with one before, I kid you not!

I think it all started from this ring I am wearing right now and also a site on 'synthetic' diamonds which came with a lot of different designs that could make any sane woman go insane! I saw only a few pages but I kept going back to the one that caught my eyes instantly when I opened the page. It is one hell of a beautiful ring!!! I am not so much of a girly girl type (or I would like to think so and well, a lot of people have said so) but gee whizz... I am going gaga over this ring.

I will post an image on it as soon as I get home!

Sexylove, I miss you and you better be trying to get hold of me today!

xxx

- Babylove

Happy 36th Birthday, Sexylove!!

In some parts of the world, TOMORROW is already TODAY and TODAY is YESTERDAY. In other parts of the world, today is YESTERDAY and TOMORROW will be TODAY... so who's to say I missed your birthday??

xxx

Yes, I just had to mention your age! :P

This is my second year wishing you Happy Birthday. Last time was obviously, last year. I wish I was there with you celebrating every minute of your birthday - watching cricket (I'd probably doze off or I'd be listening to your explanation of the game - my bet is on the latter), you cooking for me (wait.. it should be the other way around, right??) and shopping... (wait.... this is your birthday, sorry!) no, I mean golfing or anything my baby wants to do! *I pretty much have a good idea what it is!*

I hope your day was filled with lots of love, happiness and laughter. I'm sure you had a great day and time. Again, I wish I was there with you but this is how it is for now... but who knows in the future - we might just celebrate your birthday and other special occasions together, right?

I love you and hope good things will come your way not just on your birthday but throughout your whole lifetime!

xxx

- Babylove

Coping

As I sat watching you on the bed,
A million thoughts ran through my head.
Of just how much were you aware...
Did you know that we were there?

Could you feel the love I sent,
In whispered words or the prayers we sent?
To spare your life for my selfish cause?

So that I could tell you just once more,
"I love you, Mummy! " as I had before - so many times,
And we could chat like days of old,
Over coffee cups all rimmed with gold.

And laugh and joke, or just to share
some small hurt and perhaps a tear.
To talk of the past, or things yet to do.
To sniffle, and sneeze, and say "Alhamdulillah! "

All these dreams now hang in shreds,
As I sit here with bowed down head.
And ponder on these sad thoughts...
Of how I would not have you in my life as it was.

Mummy,

I miss you sooo much, mum. I think of you day and night. We pray for you day and night for we know in Islam, there are three things that you take with you when you passed on and one of it is prayers from your loved ones.

I wish I could just talk to you right now as I am having a hard time. I know I shouldn't be mad but it's just not fair that you are not here right now... I need you badly, mummy....

My reply to Sexylove

Wow - What a crazy end to the year, but all-in-all a good end to it.....or what do you think my Love?? I think we got through it all really well, don't you think ? 'smile' THANK YOU for your love, support and for trying real hard to be patient, etc.....I know it wasn't always easy!!

It was a crazy, intense, sad and emotional end to the year. Can't really say it was a good end but we did go through it all together and the end of 2007 has brought us closer to each other more than ever - emotionally and mentally.

I THANK YOU for being there for me -- your love and support have made me stronger in dealing with my loss. Yeah yeah - I tried REAL hard to be patient... *smile*

Firstly, I have to apologise to my Babygirl for leaving her all alone on here for some time now - I know she understands why I have not been on here for the last few weeks, and I just wanted to say to you my love - YOU ARE REALLY AMAZING !!!

It's a known fact that WE ARE BOTH REALLY AMAZING!!! *smile* Aren't we full of ourselves? I know - your answer would be -- "No, Babygirl... YOU are full of yourself" -- *smile*

I miss you and have missed US the last few weeks - more and more than before ! Thank you for being there for me, almost 'all' the time...'smile' I love you for that.....xxx

Almost 'all' the time... you know very well it's impossible to be there for you ALL the time, given the situation - *smile*. I have missed you as well and again, we have established that during our phone conversations during your 2 week vacation.

If you knew how much I need to look in your eyes right this moment, to tell you how much I need you - and how much I love you Babygirl - If you had to really know, I am sure you would not be able to handle it....xx I know, cause I am struggling to control the feelings myself.....

Nicely said! I can assure you that I feel the same way. All the things you're feeling - missing, loving, hoping, wanting, wishing - I feel it too! It's really hard being thousand miles away from each other and sometimes. I'm sorry for not being able to cope with it... it's just too hard at times.

I want you to enjoy your time with the family over these coming few day's and weeks......say hi to them all for me please? Ask them to please look after you for me, cause I don't think you can do it yourself all the time 'smile'

My family takes good care of me - don't worry about that! Hey, I am capable of taking good care of myself, thank you very much! :P

Baby......I LOVE YOU so much......and I miss the hell out of you right now.....I need to have you here with me soon...VERY soon !! xxx

Me three!! I LOVE YOU endlessly and I miss you so very much! I miss looking at you! I miss your silly jokes and I miss your silly self more!! *smile* I need you too and believe me, I need you more than ever now...

THANK YOU for loving, caring and praying for me. You are the GREATEST thing that has EVER happened to me, my love!

Hope to see you back here on Monday!

xxx

- Babylove

You - Switchfoot

There's always something in the way
There's always something getting through
But it's not me ... it's You

Sometime's ignorance rings true
But hope is not in what I know
Not in me ... it's in You

It's all I know

And I find peace when I'm confused
I find hope when I'm let down
Not in me ... but in You

I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me ... It's You
It's all I know

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

I had an amazing NYE with my family and Sandy. Jules booked a suite in one of the hotels in the city to watch the fireworks. The suite was suh-weeeet (lol)!

We arrived around 10ish and had 'nasi lemak' - yummy. Played with my 3 little angels! We did a video but dear Sandy accidentally deleted it (it's okay.. there's always a next NYE :P). Wanted to post the video on our YouTube but alas! that would not happen... :P.

Anyway... I'm kinda in a cynical mood and there's a movie on TV I'm gonna watch so signing off with a very Happy New Year to everyone!