My birthday

It makes me happy when the unexpected wishes me on my birthday. I'm a yr older.. yesterday that is. I don't mind being older.. hehe.. at least I don't look my age.. I don't look a day over 18! Hehehe...

Got a new cellphone. I love my new sexy phone!

U know.. sometimes when u're in love... everything just seems insignificant? Thing is , I'm not in love. Haha. Don't think I'll ever be. Just don't have the time (yeah ryte!).

Anyway, my b'day totally sucked.. with a capital S. It didn't help that it fell during Ramadhan. Arrghh.. I have so many things I wanna let out here but words just don't come out ryte when I'm in front of the freaking PC. Rangga, why can't u be here in Malaysia??? Hehehe... hey, next yr.. our bdays.. don't u forget!!! Singapore... here we come!!! Hehehe... yeah, let's just hope we both can get a couple of days off... oooh.. why don't we go to London? Visit ur other half? Maybe she can introduce some hot-bods there... sigh... if only... hehehe.

I hope things will work out... soon...

wicker park

I watched Wicker Park for the second time a couple of days ago. I enjoyed it very much the first time and still did the second time around. It's a totally wicked movie. That woman is a psycho!!! Hahaha.. damnnn... I love that movie... and I think Usual Suspects is one of the best movies around too.

I watched Bourne Supremacy and Dodgeball (yes, both of the same day!) with Amir.. I enjoyed both movies and the company. Of course. Next movie to catch.. Sky Captain. Heard it's a superb production. Can't wait.

Ramadhan is approaching. Am I looking forward to it? Yeah but Aidilfitri? Not really. I dunno.. it's just not as fun as it used to be. Must be the age thing... which reminds me.. I'll be a yr older in 6 days!!! Yeay!

I just hate this feeling I have.. I just wish it will go away. It's not like we went out a lot of times.. it was just that one time.. well, 2 actually but I just love his company and the thing is, he seems interested but he's so freaking busy and I just don't know how to deal with that. It's so frustrating. He did say that it was very hard for his ex to understand that and he needs someone that can.. and I dunno if I can, IF we end up together.. not that I want to. I mean.. I have excess baggage with me and that is always not good. I can't actually say I love him bcoz I don't. I do like him very much but that's just it.. we don't have the opportunity to go out often to actually start something. Plus, I still love Amir.. I mean.. I was with him for 2 yrs and he didn't do anything wrong and when I say love... it's more of how an ex feels for the ex... okay, not making much sense here.. forget it! It's so freaking cold here, my fingers are freezing and I can't even type properly and my brain is not functioning well.. hehe.. has it always been?

Hawaii

Arrghhh!! I can't wait to go to Hawaii to visit Sam!!! Sam! Quick.. save up, honeylove!! I'm spending 2 weeks there!! Haahaha..

Today, I'm hanging out with Dila. Hehe.. yeah, being a good foster sister here.. ryteee....

Sam a.k.a Bonnie.. miss ya babe!! Btw, this super foxy lady is so FOXY and HOT!

I seriously have nothing brilliant to say.. becoz I'm high.. had 2 cans of Coke.. hahahaa.. wwoohoo! Later...

heylow

Just another boring Saturday.

Watched 'Princess Diaries 2' last Friday. It was good.. not bad.

Am thinking of watching 'Aliens Vs. Predator' on Monday.. see how things go..

Later..

finally!

I know i know.. I haven't been updating. I am very well aware of that. Things are really picking up for me. Work has kept me busy and I kinda like the situation now although I wish I would be more busy than ever. Why? Ppl are constantly (my frens, that is) complaining that they don't have enough time to watch a movie, go out and have drinks or just sit on the couch and catch up on TV programmes... and here I am, having a job that doesn't require me to be on my toes 24/7 and AM complaining about not being busy enough.. I love my job, no doubt there but the reason why I wanna be more busy is probably becoz I don't have to think about one stupid problem that is/has been on my mind since May and now, to top that... I am kinda thinking about someone.. and hello, I sooo don't wanna be thinking about him becoz it won't get me anywhere. Numsayin? No, u don't. Anyway, my line of job, gives me perfect freedom.. I get to arrange appts according to my liking and i can even choose to work on weekends.. or not.. see.. I love my job but.. sigh.. human beings are never satisfied are they?

I have a BBQ to go to this Saturday. It's Tina's birthday (which actually falls on the 21st Sept.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) and I haven't decided who to go with (ckp mcm bagus.. like a lot of guys I can choose to go with!!).

I got to know this really phat gal from Canada, her name is Sam. She's super cool. It's great to know that someone who is thousands and thousands of miles away is always there to hear u rant about anything and everything. Yeah, I know I am always ranting here (when I have the time) but it's different when u have someone u can talk to.. in our case, email. She's moving to Hawaii (am praying she gets to.. SOON!) and I'm gonna make sure I get my sweet-ass (hahaha) there as soon as I can. Funny thing is, our friendship started with a testimonial she wrote for me in Hi5.. which, we do not know any shit about each other at all.. and me being me, decided to reply the testimonial and boom! We formed a beautiful friendship.. trust me, I'm sure (very sure) she feels the same way! Hahah..

Well, I think that's about it. I gotta email Sam back now. Will write more... some other day?

13 days later..

I haven't had the time to update. Nothing much to ypdate pun. I will be busy in the next 2 weeks.. maybe less. I was with MY Cola last week for 5 days. It was all good.. extremely tiring tho but it was good. Amir surprised me by coming over. Had lunch with him. It was sweet of him.

Amir will be going back to Canada on the 3rd Sept. I think he'll only come back to Malaysia in April.. again for his summer break. Hehe.. we're so getting on each other's case.. not in the negative way.. he's trying to push me to ask someone to accompany me to Adli's wedding and I'm trying to get him to call D and ask her out for a movie. Just so that she'll forget E!!! Hehehehehe...

I havent't heard from Nick for a very long time! Kinda miss him. Hope he's having a good time.

I have to get ready now. Later..

Out with Tina

So.. we as in Tina and I, were suppose to go to the gym. A'an got sick so he couldn't come along so we decided to catch a movie after lunch. Off we went to our 'second home' - OU and had lunch there. Amir joined us for lunch so we talked and talked then instead of catching a movie, Tina and I played pool. Yes.. we change our minds like we change our BFs.. ahahhahaa... NOT!!! U can say we're pretty fickle. Actually Ms Tina wants to wait for Mr Fairul to watch I, Robot. Fiiinneee.. I've seen it already so takpelah.

I got to know this guy named .. I don't know if I should mention his name.. hehe (I don't even know why I'm not putting his name). Been talking a lot on the phone. Not that that's unusual... okay, so where am I getting at here? Nvm.

Hmm.. so okay, I think this is it for now. A lot of things I would like to write but time does not permit me to do so. Bla bla bla....

Elsa, if u're reading this... I'll change the url later k? So susahlah this keyboard. Catch up with u soon. ;)

Good day!

I haven't been much of a blogger lately. Don't really have anything to write about except the usual boring stuff I do at home and work. Not that it isn't interesting. It isn't actually but somehow there are ppl out there who'd love to know. LOL. I'm so full of myself. Hehehe. No, I'm not but I am a pain in the ass.. no.. not really.

I had a good day, actually I had a great day last Saturday. :)

After almost one year (maybe less..) of not beeing able to hang out with Lynne, I finally  got the chance to hang out with her today. K and Lynne picked me up and hung out at home for a bit then headed to OU coz I was craving for waffles on a stick and Teppanyaki so we had exactly that and in that order!. Wooohhoo!! I'm so full! I had a good time. It is sooo great to see them both and Lynne and I sang in the car. Hehe. We haven't done that for such a long time. I missed the time when I performed in front of hundreds of ppl with Lynne.. and another gal, which I can't remember (actually trying to forget her!). 

I saw this really gorgeous pair of earrings the last time I went to OU and decided to get them but when we decided to make a move, it was almost closing time so I didn't get them. Bummer! Oh well, I'd probably go there again one of these days.. maybe 2mrw.. hehe.. so will probably get them then.

Something's really bugging me lately. I don't even know how to put it in words or I think it's more of the fact that I don't even think it's worth thinking about... err.. yeah, I think that it is. Or is it not?? Think I'm gonna go think about the whole thing.. again.. and see if it's worth puring it out here. Okie dokie. Time to go. Need to get some work done! Later...

Bonnie, thanks for dropping by. You're such a sweetheart!

Trying it out

OH GOD!! This is sooo frustrating! I wrote a long entry and my stupid PC had to crash! &*^%$%*%*^*&(*$#!!! Okay, that's me.. cursing!

Arrghh!! I have no time, it's more of.. I HAVE NO FREAKING MOOD to re-write my entry. I just have to say this tho.. I had a great surprise yesterday and it was really sweet of Amir. :)

On a more serious note, (read: work) I have to scout for singers. Not well-known-I'm-a-DIVA kinda singer but underground or those who can sing but hasn't gotten a record deal. No, I'm not offering a recording contract but one of my clients want someone to sing at her wedding. So, whoever is reading this, email me if u're interested. No bands. Only solo singers. Preferably those into R&B. Guys are welcomed. ;) LOL. She's paying good money so brush on ur vocals, ppl!!

An Outing

I met up with Amir yesterday. Nick was suppose to meet up with us to get him a cellphone. But he had a last minute meeting so we waited just in case he finished early but alas, he didn't. So Amir was stuck with me. We hung out at CB, it was almost 6 or so when we decided to make a move. Decided to check out Ninie at Be Elementz, coincidently she was about to go for her break so Amir and I accompanied her. Left OU around 7pm.

It was good to see him. Good looking as usual. Hair's long. Hehe. He wore this white nehru shirt. Sigh. So comel. He looks really good. I'm sure in no time, he'll find someone new. Yeah.. gals were so checking him out!!

Anyway, Nick hasn't called. Amir and I are hoping that he'll get himself a bloody cellphone so we both can check on him now and then or whenever we want to. He's pretty upset with the whole craziness that is going on but frankly speaking, I think it's for the best. He should really take a long break and re-think about the whole situation. Why do I say that? Becoz he totally jumped into the whole engagement thing.. he was seeing someone else before that and all of a sudden, he wants to get engage to another gal? Now he's all messed up and I don't like the way he's handling his problems. Amir would probably agree on this. I know he needs someone to talk to ryte now but that's the thing, he doesn't call. We can't get hold of him. I'm pretty worried..

Not Today

I don't think I have much to say at the moment. Am trying to figureout image hosting, bla bla bla.. Will write later..

Dwelling

Everything begins win ur mind : how u see urself, how u see others and how u see life. One does not eliminate problems and obstacles just by thinking about it. Ur ability to master ur life depends very much upon ur mindset and attitudes.

Everyone wants change for the better : invariabll, we voice out concern about a better job, a better life, environmental degradation, overpopulation, political instability, crime and so on. But these are the consequences and not the cause, the manisfestations, not the malady. When things are not the way they should be, human beings become insecure. In order to survive, everybody tries to secure their position and in the process, most of them compromise their ideals and values. Instead of tapping into our inner resources of spiritual power, we easily succumb to the escape routes and momentary solutions that we had been using before - we blame or point at something or somebody out there. And sadly the obstacles in our way will never be overcome, becoz we are constantly dwelling on hatred and self-loathing.

I didn't know that..

Shaking ur head from side to side means "no" in most countries but "yes" in Bulgaria and Sri Lanka.

In South America, Southern Europe, and many Arab countries, touching another person is a sign of warmth and frenship. In the Orient, it is considered an invasian of privacy.

In Norway or Malaysia, it's rude to leave something on ur plate when eating (really??); in Egypt, it's rude not to leave something on ur plate.

A door-to-door salesperson might find it tough going to Italy, where it is improper for a man to call on a woman if she's home alone.

Never and Always

I don't even know what's going on now. I'm so confused. I want my name to be cleared up but can it really be? I don't feel like doing anything. Blogging, outings, eat, sleep.. I watch TV but my mind is elsewhere. Everyone seems to have a good day everyday.. but me? I'm left with my own thots about everything that's happening. Yeah, don't think about it, u say? It's easier said than done. I dunno.. I'm so clueless.

When ppl see me in a negative way, or misjudge or listen to the other side of the story but not mine, I never win. Never. I'm always the one they leave behind. Always.

Just So Wrong

Everything is so wrong. Ppl misjudging me. Work is screwed up. Too much for me to handle.
It's funny how someone can change their minds of u just because they misunderstood things. Maybe it is my fault. I think it is. It's always and always will be my fault!

Tired.. Sleepy.. Cranky....

I brought Dila to the Cheer 2004. It was great. I have to say, better than last year. The crowd was fantastic! The participants? They were awesome. Except from a couple of skools. I won't mention the name of this paricular skool, but the cheers and routines were pretty funny. I have respect for them tho, they had the guts to enter the competition. Amir's ex-gf's skool was one of the participants. They were.. not bad. It was funny to see their faces when they didn't win first place becoz before my cousin's skool performed, semua mcm bagus!! Sri Bintang Utara, my cousin was from that skool and last year, she was one of the cheerleaders, altho I'm not quite sure if I got the name of the skool right but their performance was AWESOME! They rocked the stadium with their slick and well choreographed. Assunta's Phoenix was good. They were impressive but towards the end of their cheer, one or two of them fell... too bad. I think they were pretty great. The event started at 9am but we went around 11-ish, so we missed few of the performances, one of them, the Vulcanz boys team. Seafield Sec. Skool. Yeap, boys team.. hey, they were awesome man! They won the Best Newcomer title. Phat! I really liked their steps. Not bad for a newcomer. Too bad they're not that cute.. okay, well, I didn't really take a good look at them but I guess some of them are but I can't be bothered. They're younger than I am. I met Aznee (Ninie) there. We were walking towards the main entrance to wait for my bro, and I heard someone called out my name. I was so afraid to look up coz I was so not in the mood to bump or meet anyone but I had to.. so yeah, it was Ninie.. hehe.. tapi it was so good to see her. She's sooo cute!!! If only I had a younger bro aged between 20 to 22, I would have introduced her to him. Sigh. Promised her that I'd have coffee with her one of these days. Yeah, haven't had that in a while with a gf so I might make some time for her real soon.

Rangga said I haven't been myself lately. I think so too but I seriously don't know what's bothering me... I'm pretty messed up ryte now. I don't even feel like writing much today.

Abg El will be leaving for Dubai on the 3rd July for a week. But if everything goes well, he'll be going for good a month after he comes back. I don't know how would I end up not having him around...

Restless Day

I don't feel good. I don't know. Maybe it's just me but I just don't feel good about today.

Anyway, promised Dila I'd take her to Cheer 2004 tomorrow at Bkt. Jalil. Some of my juniors called this morning and wanted to know if I'll be there. Yeap, definitely. Can;t wait to catch up with them..

Will write more later. Gotta cook lunch today.. hehe.

She Came and She Left

I can't write in details ryte now what happened a couple of hours ago. I've never in my life been so afraid. I can't take this anymore. I know this sounds weird but believe me, if u know the whole story.. it isn't. Not at all. I think twice is enough for it to happen to me..

Psychoanalytic Psychology

Sigmund Freud put the European scientific world in an uproar with his unorthodox views of human behaviour. Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, not only suggested that much of human behaviour is the result of thots, fears, and wishes, he also suggested that ppl are often unaware of these motivating forces eventho they have a strong effect on their behaviour. Freud argued that many, if not most, of these thots and wishes result from our experiences during infancy and early childhood. The greatest outcry of criticism came when he suggested that infants have sexual fantasies about their parents. Freud's ideas had a tremendous influence on psychology. Because of his early work was aimed at explaining emotional disorders, psychoanalytic theory has played a central role in understanding and treating psychological disorders.

I know some ppl wish they're Einstein.. I wish I was Freud.

This is MY Stitch! 

Superman & Wonder Woman

Amir was online this afternoon and so was Nick. Two days in a row... a coincidence? Maybe. The last time I sms-ed Amir, I was a bit harsh and he ignored me eversince, I figured he must be bloody pissed off at me so I didn't message him online. I didn't expect him to say hi but he did! The conversation was normal but good. At one point the conversation was pretty hilarious becoz we started talking about superheroes outfits. When I was small, daddy dearest bought me a WonderWoman outfit. Amir had a Superman outfit. He still has it!! ::LOL:: I don't know about mine.. I gotta ask mum about it. Oh yeah, I have to look for my cheerleading oufit as well. ::LOL:: I think today was the first time (in the past few months) I laughed so hard. I wanted to tell him that I miss him but I refrained myself from saying so. Don't wanna embarass myself. I'm pretty sure he doesn't miss me.

I'm such a klutz lately. I bumped my knee the other day. Today, I was in a hurry, langgar the desk and now I have a bruise on my left hip! I bruise so easily lately. Sakit gile!! I didn't tell mum about it. Hehehe. She asked me to put minyak apa ntah on my knee but I didn't bother... so can't complain if sakit!

I've been on the Net a lot lately. What am I doing? Surfing on movies and actors. Hehe. Think I should get some DVDs and watch the actors. Assimilate myself with the art of acting. ::LOL::

Of late, I have been an influence of ppl. A good influence I must say. Some of my frens have started their own blogs after reading mine. It makes me happy when someone says "Hey, I have a blog of my own! And u had something to do with my starting one!". It's a wonderful feeling. It's no biggie but really, it's always the small things that give me the tingle! Just like when he says.. hi to me online. Hehe. Pathetic I know. Zip it!!

Must be...

He's online. Still. Must be busy coz his status said so. Must be doing work. I wanted to say hi... but I dunno. I know I know... I should have just but well.. nvm.

Nick's online too. So sibuk! Can't stop talking about his fiancee. ;) Kidding. Yeah, I miss him.. why u too, Nick? ;)

Busy?

He's online. :)

I'm bored. :(

Bruised Knee

I have this ugly bruise on my left knee. It's purple! A lil greenish and purplish. I hit the comp table a few days back.. and it's still painful. *Pressing the bruise with my forefinger* OUUUCCCHHH!!!

It hurts. So now, not only is my heart bruised.. so is my knee.

Hiding Behind A Smile

I woke up feeling miserable. It finally dawned upon me that I'm unhappy. I know for a fact that I am not happy lately and I'm pretty much depressed but in front of my family members and frens, I act as if nothing can ruin my day. On the facade, ppl might think I have it all. I'm contented and that all they can see when they look at me is my smiling face. The truth is... I hide myself behind those smiles I give ppl. Call me a hypocrite or whatever you want but yes, that's me ryte now. I just feel so lost and unwanted. No one, I repeat no one knows how I truly feel inside. No one knows what's going thru my mind. I appreciate all my frens who spent time with me... accompanying me when I needed to be around ppl to get things off my mimd but when I go home, I feel so alone. I guess I should be greatful with the job I have. It gets me going. It doesn't help that the job I have right now usually requires me to be around couples which is something I do not want. But a job is a job and I should be professional. I hate it when ppl say that I'll get over this. Truth of the matter is, I never will. I'm sure Farrah will never get over the break-up. Same here with me. There may be someone out there for me but it' up to me to want him or not. When the time comes, maybe I will but it's not going to be easy. Not for him. I don't think it's fair to date someone if you're still in love with someone else. Regardless whether that person feels or doesn't feel the same. I'm pretty much a straight forward kinda person. I don't love you.. I don't want you. If I love a man and he doesn't love me... fine, I'll leave you alone. I'm not gonna force him to love me but I'll keep on loving him bcoz I know whether he's worth my time or not. I seriously don't care if I meet or don't meet anyone. They say time will heal... well, it does but in my case, it's gonna take a long time. Even the wounds I had from the past hasn't healed.

I reached for the phone... pressed 2 but I didn't let it ring... I just couldn't. I wanted to let it ring.. and hear him say hello... but...

BMW - The Ultimate Driving Machine

I love BMW! I do! I really do! I wish I could marry a BMW but of coz it's a machine and that's quite impossible but I would seriously consider marrying someone who would either get me the 330ci or BMW 6series.. or both! Kidding! Arrgghh! They're so gorgeous!

The 6 series coupe.. if you see one in black.. you'd probably faint! I know I will! Not to mention the convertible! Sighhhh. The fuel consumption is pretty alryte with me and as for the performance.. if a car looks that good, I don't bloody care about the performance! BMW is just like what the caption says.. sheer driving pleasure... and me being a woman I don't care as long as it's BMW! Arrrghh!!! BMW.. maannnnn..... I can get seriously high just thinking about BMW cars! For a 'small' manufacturer BMW is on both a design and product roll. Altho now most of the products are designed by Americans. The new range of the 7 series are okay.. but I really love the old 7 series.

Sigh... I really gotta work hard if I want BMW 645i convertible!

My 2nd Ultimate Dream Car!! 

My Ultimate Dream Car! 

It's A Doggy Dog World

I got an sms from a fren of mine a couple of hours ago. I got to know her during the AA interview. We've been calling and sms-ing each other often. A pretty gal. We got along well. So, I saw her name and thot she must've wanted to know whether I'm joining her this Friday at Passion but what she wrote shocked me. Her fiancee broke off their engagement. I sms-ed her and asked if she wanted me to call her. Now, I wouldn't wanna call her without asking becoz she might not want to talk to anyone but she said yes and that she really needed someone to talk to. So I called her up and she was, of coz crying. It's not the typical drama secne where a pretty gal is at the beach with the wind blowing in her hair and tears rolling down her cheeks with a soft ballad playing at the back... no.. it was a high pitched kinda cry... some sort of what I did when he broke up with me. Except I swear I sounded much better.. I mean, my crying altho that is so not the point I'm trying to make here. I told her to calm down and she told me that... he broke it off on the Net. I was dumbfounded! ON THE FREAKING NET!! What is up with you guys?! Aren't you man enough to break it off on the phone? In fact, I think it's a coward way to break it off on the phone.. don't you have the balls to go over to her place and break it off there and then? You're hurting her anyway so why not just stab her in the chest and tell her straight in the face?!?! Men! They're all the same. Really. She said he gave her this reason.. "I love you but I don't have feelings for you.." What in the freaking world is that suppose to mean?? OMG... why are all guys using that excuse to break up a r/ship? If you meet someone new... just tell her that you met someone new. You're bored with her.. tell her that. Don't give some lame stupid pathetic excuse!

I know exactly how she feels ryte now. I wish I can go over and hug her but of coz when something like this happens, it's best to be left alone. I told her to go get some ice-cream but she said, that will only remind her of her ex-fiancee. It's not easy to get over this. It's ex-fiancee... not ex-bf. Even some of my frens are having a hard time getting over a break up with their bfs and here she is being left by her ex-fiancee. The thing is, she's lucky becoz she's only 19. She's pretty and has a lot of things to look forward to. A lot of potential bfs out there for her. Altho I wouldn't recommend her to date anyone so soon becoz then it will be a rebound kinda thing. Speak for yourself, hehe. I promised her I'd take her out when she's ready to. She said for now.. she just wants to stay home. Maybe for a month. Hehe.. she sounds just like me. She said she felt much better after talking to me and I did make her laugh but I still feel kinda useless. It's like I could have done more but it's just not the ryte time. I joked about both of us should transform ourselves into lesbians... which she totally agreed and said we should date each other. Not a bad idea... actually. ;)

Missing you...

I'm at home. I got up thinking about him. Every morning when I wake up, I think of him. The last thing I think of before I go to bed is him. We haven't spoken to each other since a week ago. Now, if he's in Canada then that's alryte with me but he's not. I miss his voice. I miss everything about him. The first time he broke up with me.. which at that time, I wasn't so sure the basis of our r/ship... but he begged... well, he wasn't on his knees or anything like that but he wanted so much for us to be frens. I wasn't okay with that but bcoz he was important to me as much as he is ryte now, I gave in. And I don't regret doing so... not even a bit. Now, he broke up with me.. again but he just sort of left me hanging. He wanted to be frens but he's ignoring me. So.. which is it now? Are we suppose to be frens.. or not? I have set in my mind that we shall remain frens but with this silent treatment that he's giving me, it's clear to me that.. that's the last thing he wants.

Razlan's back from New Zealand. For good. Good news for a lot of gals out there. Hahaa. Nick just called again. I have to decide soon. At a time like this, I wish I have him to talk to. :P Arrrghhh! I miss him..

Libra & Capricorn

Both of you have a certain appreciation for protocol, etiquette, and appropriate social behavior, and you may dislike and avoid people who are very impulsive, egocentric, or undisciplined. You are both more comfortable with rationality and order than with emotions.

You can get along quite well together. Libra, however, is more aware of aesthetics, and needs comfort, beauty, and pleasantries more than Capricorn. Libra meets others halfway, whereas Capricorn is more self-contained. Libra is less serious and can help Capricorn relax.

Hehehe...

I do remember helping him to relax. I always see him as a serious person altho he has a great sense of humour.. never fails to crack me up. On the facade, he looks serious and snobbish.. khekhe.. but he's really not that underneath it all. :)

Chutzpah!

Well well well, Nick's getting married. Congratulations, buddy! I dunno what took him so long to tell me (since he said they've been thinking about it 2 months ago) but he told me anyway and I'm happy for him. *Am I really happy?* It's not like he's the love of my life or anything close to that but I thot marriage is the last thing on his mind. I thot wrong. As usual. Ppl can really surprise you. I'm not judging him by thinking that he's rushing into this bcoz he's not. At least, that's what he told me. I don't think he is. He gave me a metaphor about his decision, it was hilarious but I can't remember what it was. It was funny. Hilarious. *Laughs*

Elisha, the gal he's marrying is a wonderful person. I've known her since I started modelling which was in 1997. We were good buddies but shit happens and we went about doing our own things. I have no hard feelings against her and I hope she doesn't too. It makes me happy knowing that he's getting married to Elisha and not anyone else. Reason being, I have always thot that they'd make a great couple eventho they're pretty much different from each other. I think they tried hard making the relationship work. Especially Elisha. Knowing that she has never kept her eyes off him. I know that from a fren and yes, we were buddies and we shared a lot of things together. In fact, I dated Nick after they broke up back then. And no, they didn't call it off bcoz of me. Most of our frens thot that Nick and I would end up together. Funny of them to think so bcoz it never crossed my mind. What we had was great but we can't help but make mistakes in life. He made a huge mistake and it took me years to forgive and forget him. Forget about what we had. I hated him. So much. He did everything possible so that I'd forgive him. At times, he failed. Me being a female, I succumbed to it at last. He knows I'm over him and that I wouldn't take him back but my frenship as he puts it, "meant more than anything in the world" so we became frens again. I'm glad we did. The wound is still there. To top it off, someone else had to break my heart. Anyway, the news of Nick becoming a husband have made me wondered about a lot of things. Mostly things connected to marriages and how ppl nowadays rush into it and getting a divorce the next yr or at least.. 5 yrs later.

I just hope Nick has learnt his lessons and will avoid repeating it bcoz getting married is not something you can take lightly. It's an investment. A big one at that. It's a huge decision and something you might want to take a long time to think about before getting into it. It's not just about you, it's about the 2 of you. It's being able to wake up in the morning and see the same face for the next 60 yrs or so without feeling or thinking "Owh mann.. it's the same person again!". I live in a world of my own. I have my own idea of a marriage and this is what marriage is to me, it's about 2 different ppl living the rest of their lives together thru thick and thin and dying together. Okay, maybe not that but grow old together unless you're both in an accident and die together than yeah, that's possible but you might die first, let's say.. of a heart attack, then your partner will be left alone and then she dies of.. old age or cancer.. it doesn't have to be the husband first, the wife could die first. Whichever God wants it to be. Anyway, I know there is no such thing as Mr/Ms Right or Mr/Ms Perfect. If there is, pls let me know. I'd love to meet them. If something makes you unhappy, do something about it. Talk it thru. Make it work. Don't just shut it off. Yes, there are times when you just don't want it anymore but remember, you chose to live with that person for the rest of your live so make it work. Don't be selfish. Selfish is something you should avoid when you're married. I don't think I can marry someone who thinks of himself most of the time. And yes, there is such person. My brother is married to one.

I want to be with someone who can make me a better person and I can make him a better person. I'm the type who is willing to go thru thick and thin. It doesn't matter if I have to sacrifice myself bcoz that's what marriage is about. If he's sick, I want to and would be the one to take care of him and I expect him to do the same. It's about compromising and willing to be open to every idea we both have to make our marriage happier and better. I want to be someone who is not going to get bored of me bcoz I don't believe that when you're in love, you'll get bored of that person. I just don't. It happened to me. I guess I'm a boring person, I dunno but I think a person who gets bored easily is someone who is not matured and isn't sure of what he/she wants but has to have someone with him/her so that he/she feels good.

Then again, I don't think I'm gonna get married. I don't want to. Maybe I will but I don't wanna get into something and end up getting hurt. Again. and Again.

Happy Father's Day!

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all fathers around the world Happy Father's Day! To my dad, I love you and I'd be lost without you!

I went out with Khalil yesterday. We watched 'The Punisher'.. can't say it was punishing watching it.. it was okay. had a good time with Khalil. We talked a lot! About our memories in SSP. Him being my junior and we talked about what he looks for in a gal. Hehe.. I'll look for one that will suit your criterias, yah? I'll make sure she can speak Malay! Khekhe. That's a first. Guys usually look for a gal that speaks English anyway, Khalil is such a sweetheart. One of my best petbros. I can't believe how matured he is. I've known him since he was 12 and I always look at him in that way.. somehow. So, yesterday when we talked and discussed about life and careers, I see a different side of him. He seems like the quiet type but it's amazing how he can talk like a 30 yr old. Mind you, he's only 23. I would really like to see him with a really fine looking lady! So, Khalil, if you're reading this, thanks for the company. We definitely should do it again. Hehe.. btw, Diana called last nyte.. hehe.

Khalil sent me home about 7-ish and my bro said he wouldn't be in for dinner so I should get my own dinner. My parents were in Melaka and were staying overnyte. Dezmark had just finished his exams so I decided to call him. Picked me up about 9-ish and we had drinks at one of the mamak restaurants nearby my place since traffic was really bad. He was so happy bcoz his exams are over. It was a bit freaky to see him in that state. He's so serious most of the time I see him and to see him smile and giggling... it was freeaakky! Anyway, we talked and talked. Mostly about LOTR. Funny.. Khalil and I talked about LOTR too. I can't wait for the extended version of Return of The King. We went back to my place and played a couple of games of Solitaire. Abg El said he went to catch 'Chronicles of Riddick' (something like that..)n and he said it was Riddick-ulous! Hahaa. Good one. I'm not really bothered to catch that coz I'm not a big fan of Van Diesel and I don't think it's worth watching it at the cinema. I can't wait for Spiderman 2! White Chicks too.. hehe. Wayans.. they always crack me up.

I'm suppose to watch a movie with Izzat but I have plans with my family today. I'll make it up to him one of these days. Farrah wants to see me.. I seriously have to re-schedule all my appointments. I haven't chatted with Rangga for a while now. Hope he's spending a lot of time with his gf. She'll be leaving soon for UK and well, I hope the LDR will work out for the both of them. It doesn't usually work out.. but I'm praying for him. Hope I'll see him online soon. Have a lot to tell him. Rangga! Get your ass online soon, will ya??

A Letter..

Dear Liz,

Hello there. I don’t usually do this, in fact I don’t do this sort of thing at all but the situation calls for it. I have no absolute idea on who you are. I don’t remember having a friend by the name of Liz or Liza or Elizabeth or anything that comes close to Liz. You’re probably one of the many girls that envy with what I have. Btw, could you tell me what it is? I have no idea at all. I’m not a millionaire (not yet, hehehe), I don’t have many friends tho the ones I have are enough for me to say I have many wonderful friends. I don’t know what I did to deserve all the things you said about me but I’m pretty sure you’re gonna say that I went out with your bf or am going out with your bf (that’s not the case here, I’m very sure!) or I took whatever modeling job that you were supposed to get but didn’t becuz you were busy having a hangover or God knows what else. Look lady, I don’t care. You have something to say about me, say it to my face. Don’t be a damn coward and send me nasty emails. I’m not mad, I just don’t understand people like you. Such bloody cowards. Come over and spit it on my face, babe. You struck me as the sort of person who’s not scared of anything, mcm berani gila, well, this is your chance to prove to yourself and your friends (and me) on how fucking brave you are. According to you, I’m a slut, sorry, let me get it right, a pussy bitch-ass AND a slut, well, even if I am, what is it to you?? I know you wanna be like me but you just can’t. I’m one in a million, honey. You gotta face the fact that you can never be like me or anyone as slutty as I am. Slutty girls rock, numsayin? Well, you ain’t rocking, girl. I don’t have to fuck any of the guys that work in that agency to get that job. I got it with my own hard work. Unlike some girls I know. =).

So that’s about it. I hope you’ll have a nice day after reading this. If you’re a Muslim, sembahyang-lah, it would really help. If you don’t know how to, there are many books on how-to-pray. Get one, read it and practice it, honey..

Undecided

I didn't sleep till about 5am. I couldn't sleep. Tried but failed. So what did I do? I ended up thinking about him and cried myself to sleep. I'm so emotional and I sooo hate that! I miss everything about him and what's bugging me is that I know he doesn't. I don't actually know that but from the looks of it, he doesn't give a shit anymore about me. Me? Well, me being me.. I still care. Why? Don't ask. That's just me. Maybe the fact that he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yeah, that's it. I'm so mad ryte now. At him. Mostly at myself for being so weak. I'm totally fine with his decision but I'm not used to not having him around. I have to get use to that but geez, it's so fucking frustrating. Arrgghh! I don't swear but I just.. arrghh!! F***!!!!

I've been thinking about what I'm going to do.. I have not come to a decision yet bcoz I'm still weighing the pros and cons of it. 'It' being whether should I stay or should I go. I wish there is an easy way out of life... but then, if there is.. life wouldn't be much of a challenge, would it?

Crestfallen

I feel numb. I have a lot of things I would like to write about but I dunno where to start and like I said, I feel numb. My brain feels like it has stopped functioning. Well, feels like it.. I didn't say it did. I'm heartbroken. I dunno if it'll heal. I don't think it will. I don't even think I want it to. Every day, life gets more depressed. Everything means nothing anymore. Not even a bit. I don't even feel anything when my mum tells me something. Recently, she told me that Abg El might take the job in Dubai and I was like.. yeah whatever. My niece called my name in full and again I was like, yeah cool. Today, I feel like I want to end everything. Everything. I just don't want anyone in my life. If I go, who will be there for my mum? Who will be there to listen to her complaints? Who would help my dad with his garden? I would be damn selfish if I were to leave them behind altho I am sometimes useless, they depend on me. I wish that I was the one offered a job overseas. I have nothing left here so why the need to stay? Think I'm gonna have a breakdown. A lot of things is happening to me and it's not good things. From one bad thing to another. Why is it that I always think about other ppl but it's never the other way around? I always give in to ppl. I know I shouldn't but if I don't, I'd feel bad. Like what if he/she really needed me at that time and I just shut them off? I always try to make time for everyone bcoz I feel like if I don't.. I don't know when I'll see that person again. Maybe I won't get to see them again bcoz I don't know what lies ahead of me. When it concerns me, why can't ppl do the same? At least once. I have a lot of things on my mind but I don't shut ppl off. I don't stop sms-ing them or call them. Yes, I do need some time alone too but that does not mean I'd stop being a fren but u know what, I think it's about time I do that. I can't forever think about other ppl esp those who don't think about how I feel. Treat ppl the way u want to be treated. That's fucking bullshit. I've been doing that all my life and I don't get treated the same way. I treat ppl well, I do esp those who deserve it but do I get the same treatment? Guess what? NO! Yeah, maybe for a couple of months and then, it's bye-bye. Why do ppl need to be so fucking selfish? I only have one thing to say.. FUCK YOU!

Madness!

This week has been crazy! Weekend too. I'm fully-booked! First news, I am being stalked. I thot it was just an infatuation that person has for me but it has gone overboard. Not only has that person been harrasing me thru emails and phone calls. Flowers have been sent to MY house and that totally freaked me out bcoz I have no idea where she got my home address and not only that, I was on my way to meet the director of the movie and Nick, as I got into the cab, she messaged me and said how gorgeous I looked in the dress.. and I was like.. "Where the hell are you?". She knows every single thing I'm doing whenever I'm out.. is that freaky or IS THAT FREAKY?? I told Azmir about it, he said oh it's nothing. Yeah, I bet u it's nothing!! It's a gal, that's one thing and I totally don't like the idea of her following me around. I went to the police which of course there isn't anything they can do bcoz she hasn't done anything. Hello! She is harrasing me! So, I gotta wait till she touches me then u're gonna do something about it?? Thanks but I'll do it my way since there's ISN'T anything u guys can do.

Other than that, I'm busy preparing myself for a shoot. A Filipino hiphop group is shooting a videoclip here and I was chosen as one of the dancers. So it has been training and practising since Wednesday. Haven't had a decent sleep in days. Today is the only day I'm free to blog and check my email account. Actually, I only have till 3.30pm then I'm off for training and the shoot will be done tomorrow. Wish me luck everybody! Will keep posting.. well, when I have the free time!

Take care and God Bless!!

The Result

In case u're wondering, since I have gotten emails asking about AA, no I didn't get the post. They said I was.. above the post I wanted. Whatever that means. I mean, what they said really made me feel good but what exactly do airlines look for? Airheads? I guess I'm kinda relieved that I didn't get in bcoz at least, I know I'm better off doing something else but seriously, what exactly makes a stewardess? Do u actually have to be stupid to be one? I just need something to do at the moment bcoz I don't wanna be around married or soon to be married couples. I'm too superior?? Hello! U ppl don't even know me that well.. u only judged me by that 10 mins interview? :P

Well, I got an offer from a fren to act with him. Yeah but I'm not sure whether I'm taking it. I have to talk to my parents about it first. Azmir thinks it's a good idea. I dunno. It's not easy to act. I mean, yeah.. I've been doing a lil bit of modeling but that's different. U're only in front of the camera for 2 mins tops but a movie.. that's like.. 2 hours or so.. and u're on more than a week of shoots. So, I dunno. It's actually a joint-venture between Malaysia and Thailand. It's like that Ada Apa Dgn Cinta kinda storyline altho not exactly the same.

I think I'm gonna go now...

Plausible Denialbility

I was forced to go to my cousin's engagement today. I dreaded going bcoz I know what's gonna come out of my aunts' mouths. "So, when is ur turn, honey?". I don't go to my cousins' weddings for that very reason! I hate it when ppl ask me that question. I'm only freaking 23 yrs old. Back then, at this age, I would have probably gotten married with children but I wasn't born back then. I'm the new generation and the new generation gets married at the age of 26 above or don't get married at all. In my case, the latter.

Anyway, the engagement went well and the hantaran(s) were lovely! The decoration was really nice and wasn't 'kampung-ish' at all. Surprisingly. Haha. Oh yeah, one more reason why I hate engagement ceremonies is that u have strangers sitting beside u and they'd step on ur kain or whatever that u are wearing and don't have the bloody decency to apologise. Maybe bcoz they're not brought up to apologise, I dunno but it happened to me just now and I honestly almost snapped at that lady. "You're bloody stepping on my kain! MOVE!!".. but of coz me being me, I just smiled and said, excuse me. Did she apologise? Of coz not! What amazes me the most is that, she's older than me and u know what they always say about org tua.. they're well-behaved and polite. Polite my ass! She's not tua-tua laa.. she's probably 30ish but for heaven's sakes, have u ever heard of the word "SORRY"?? I have one more reason why I hate family gatherings/reunions. My dad's side especially. IT TAKES FOREVER TO GET MY DAD TO GO HOME!!! OMG! I think just now, I stood about.. 4 times thinking it was time to go home bcoz my dad kept on saying, "okay, we're leaving now.. go salam everyone". I think I salam-ed everyone about 4 times.. and imagine about 50+ ppl were there.. my hands hurt laa! Such a spoilt brat.. I KNOW! It is such a drag being the youngest coz u're always forced to go to this sort of thing. Even if I'm not forced or dragged to go, my parents would use an ultimatum sort of thing or would say something sikit just to make me feel bloody guilty! I sure hope this is it for this year. No more engagements or gatherings. I like weddings.. I love them but engagements.. it's different. Weddings in hotel are my favourite bcoz u have to leave no matter what by 10 or 11 the most. If it's at my relative's house, I would have to stay till late bcoz my parents and uncles and aunts would talk forever like they're not gonna see each other in 12 years to come! Hang out with my cousins? From my dad's side? FORGET IT! I'd rather stick my head in the washing machine.

It's 2041hrs and I'm hungry. After all this rambling, who wouldn't be..

he is a HOTTIE! 

One more day to go..

It's Thursday. I still have to wait till Friday comes and for that day to end. I have not received any calls from AA, so haven't my frens. I have mixed emotions ryte now. Restless, excited, nervous.. u name it! I have to do something to keep my mind of thinking about it. Give me some ideas, ppl!!

A long lost fren of mine (as she herself puts it!), Elsa has her own blog now. Hehe. I actually forced her into signing up for one. I think blogging is really one of the good ways to destress urself. At times, I do wonder if it really helps, which it does but sometimes, I stopped myself from writing things I really wanna let out. One of the reasons why I can't write is bcoz ppl might think that I'm racist which I am so not but there are so many of them around.. and them; meaning that one particular race. I feel like I'm in that country where they originated from. REALLY!! I can't stand them! They talk so loud and they're sooo rude!! Yes, my own race can be rude too but we're not as bad as those ppl!!! OMG! I should stop writing about this!

Anyway, last nyte, Azmir called up and we went out for coffee, well he did. I had PC.. as in Pure Chocolate.. not that thing where u type, surf and do ur work with. We both haven't been going out for quite some time. According to Azmir, last nyte was his first nyte out after I dunno how many days. We saw new billboards along TTDI towards Hartamas link. Oh and he actually took the other way back to my place instead of the usual way. He said that happened bcoz dah lama tak kluar. Okay. Khekhe. So cute.

It's 1620hrs. I don't think they're gonna call me. I don't think I'm in. Arrghh! The frustration I'm feeling ryte now... no one will ever feel it! I'm gonna go drown myself if I don't get the job. Hang myself maybe. Arrgh! I'm such a drama queen! Stop smiling, Elsa! U're one too!! Hah-ha.

Friday.. Geezz.. Lamenye!!!

Alhamdullillah.. the interview went well. My interview was at 12noon but I was late due to the speed trap along the Cyberjaya link. I was praying HARD as not to get summoned! Nasib baik tak. Arrived there at about 12.30pm, went straight to the Corporate Office altho I needed to pee badly (yeah, u don't need to know that.. hehe) and they said I was late.. (tell me something I don't already know!) so I should wait while they interview those who arrived first. Too many things to tell but I think over all I did pretty good. I just have to wait till Friday to know if I nailed it or not. Friday!! That's like.. 4 days more to go! Oh and after all the studying I did on Air Asia and the Asia region, not even one of them asked me anything on that!! I could tell anyone of u anything on Air Asia ryte now! Not that it was a waste of reading, at least I know things most.. well, some of the ppl out there don't know. Hehe. Like u would really wanna know about Air Asia.

I haven't read the papers yet. Not even yesterday's. That is so unlike me. I think I was preparing for the interview and I had a really bad day yesterday. I have to catch up on my reading soon.

Nick called to wish me good luck. Oh and those who I didn't expect to call me up and wish me, actually did!! Okay, not call but at least they sms-ed me. It's so sweet of u guys. Elsa, Azmir, Nick and Abg El. Roselyn wished me good luck as well. Hehe.. thanks ppl! Really appreciate it! Azmir especially. He doesn't really remember all this stuff but surprisingly he did. I actually almost fell off the bed when I received his sms. Hmmm.. he actually remembered.. WOW! That was nice.

So.. Friday huh? What am I going to do till Friday so that I won't think.. "Oh man.. it's only Tuesday!".. "Geez.. Today is Wednesday??".. u catch the drift?

Not a bad hair day.. Just a BAD day!

I think today is officially the worst day of May! Okay, no.. May 9th was the worst day, no.. that was the worst day of my life! But today is the worst day of May! I'm having a bad day and I wish I had someone I could talk to. Someone who can make me smile.. even for a second...

Dinner was yummy!

Had a delicious dinner! It was a feast! I haven't been eating well lately but tonyte, when I looked at the dishes, I just had to! Y-u-m-m-y!

I don't watch malay movies nor do I watch telemovies. But after I know who Ako Mustapha is, well, after I saw how he looked like (that was a yr ago or maybe more) I started watching. Only if the main male character is played by Ako Mustapha. This year especially, there is a lot of telemovies starring Ako. He is just so adorable. His acting, well... I don't really know how to judge Malaysian acting but I guess he's good at what he's doing. Oh well, he's so comel so that should be enough. Hehe. Too bad he has a gf... Darn!

The Reason..

I've found a reason for me,
To change who i used to be..
A reason to start over new,
And the reason is you...
I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know...
A reason for all that i do
And the reason is you...

An exciting week!

Okay, it wasn't all that exciting but pretty exciting enough for me. First of all, I had an interview with Air Asia. Passed the first and second interview. The second interview was pretty hard for I had to stand in front of 20 pretty ladies and explain to them on how to save someone. The thing is, I would have probably fainted if it were in front of 20 gorgeous guys but standing before 20 pretty ladies were hard enough. Some of them looked like they were undressing me with their eyes... pretty scary. So, I went home after the 2nd interview and told my parents that I screwed it up by answering one question wrong. Yeah, one question! Actually, i answered it correctly, it's just that I added another destination. Hello! It's Air Asia not Air Istella.. if it's my airline, I would probably fly to that mentioned destination but noo, it's not my airline! Well, just when I thot I failed, I received a call 2 days after that from Air Asia. Congratulated me on passing the 2nd interview.. *phheeww* and told me to come for the 3rd and last interview on Monday. Now, I'm restless. I am! I dunno why!! If I get the job, fine. If I don't, fine with me. It's just that... I have this feeling they're gonna ask me some stupid questions that a 10 yr old kid could answer and I'm gonna screw it up bcoz I'm bloody nervous! Rangga! If u're reading this, they fly to Jakarta. Hehe. I got that ryte! So, let's just hope I get the job so that u can take me to whatever Square u call it. Told my frens and they want u to take them clubbing. Hehehe. So, u're like our tour guide.

That aside, another exciting thing about this week was the American Idol results. I dunno about some of u guys but I like Diana Degarmo. Fantasia Barrino can sing, no doubt there but I just don't really like her voice. She's a great entertainer tho, better than Diana but I think Diana sings much better. And again, that's my opinion. I'm not saying I know better but when she sang 'I Believe'... she made me cry. I love that song.

Other than that.. my third brother was offered a job in Dubai. So if he decides to go, I'll be left alone. With my parents. I'm really close with my third brother altho we argue every single day... actually, that was last year or so but we've been really nice to each other lately and been going out a lot together which is very rare. He's a bit of a loner. Pathetice loser. Hahaha... well, so am I! Anyway, I didn't cry when Ezy left but if El leaves for Dubai, I think I'll cry. No.. I am gonna cry. The night I got the news from him, I thot about it. If he leaves, I have no one to turn to. I do tell my mum everything but there are things that we siblings tell only each other. He's very protective of me. He doesn't show it but he was really upset when I told him what happened. He saw me crying a couple of weeks back and I told him why. He told my mum he's hurt as well. That's the sweetest thing I have ever heard from him. Not straight from his mouth but to know that he's hurt coz I am from my mum, that was good enough. So that nyte, just thinking about it, made me cry. I'm pretty sure when the day comes for us to send him off to the airport.. I'll cry. I'll cry a river. Hehehe. Gile.

I knew it!

You Are Flirt-able!

You are the best of both worlds - sexy and friendly, but not in either box.

Your charm is addicting, and you always have plenty of people flirting with you.

And if you want to turn things up, that's always an option for you.

You have plenty of options - without being the person everyone has already done :-)



Are You F***able?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

A lil something..

I wrote your name in the sky
but the wind blew it away.

I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.

I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay..

Sex in the City of KL

I have been following the case of Norrita S. in the newspaper and on tv. I read about it now and then. I read just a couple of hours ago on her case. I'm not going to write anything or give my opinion on the case bcoz I do not know her and I'm the last person who should judge her altho a lot of ppl are giving their own opinions of what sort of a person Norrita is.

The thing is with some ppl, they like to talk about what's happening in other ppl's lives. They like it when bad things are happening to other ppl. I can't imagine the pain her parents are goin thru ryte now. It must be hell for them and I pity them. How in the world would they know their daughter would turn out like that? Whatever it is that she supposedly did...

Anyway, there is so much that is goin on in KL that doesn't surprised me when the news of Norrita came out. Altho we're a Muslim country and we uphold our Asian values, KL is very much a sexual town. I know of a gal who sleeps with at least 3 guys in a week and she has more to come. She's even proud of doing so. There is even news going around about men who are high fliers in the corporate world and are lovers of women, but when the sun sets, they go out looking for young men. My point is KL is not as old-fashioned as we would like to think so. It's way advanced than any other cities. Homosexuals (in Malaysia) are slowly coming out of the closet, or maybe they already have. I'm not against it, in fact I respect those who come out publicly admitting the fact that they're happy being gay (somehow that sounds a bit redundant). Ppl here are no longer afraid to show their sexual preferences. It scares me, really but I guess there isn't anything anyone of us can do about it. It's want they chose and that's the way they want to live their lives. It will definitely scare the hell out of me if my daughter/son comes up to me and say "hey mum, i'm dating a gal/guy".. who wouldn't? I'm speaking for those who are straight. I'm sure you would freak out too but really, is there anything we can do about it? I don't think locking up gays are the answer to it. That's just so wrong.

So, the thing is... no matter how much u hate to admit it, sex is everywhere, honey. It's either u're apart of it or u're not. That's ur choice...

Libra Woman

Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin and a good figure. She will spent so much efforts to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tend to look younger than her age. She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She looks nice in either jeans or night gown. She thinks woman is equal to man. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even she is winning.

She is a little flirt even she has no idea what she wants. She cannot decide what to do, and what not to do, so she cannot set her schedule very well in all cases. She is gifted with how to dress, and how to match her dress. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes a mild flowery scent.

In any argument, she can really argue. She can argue for hours, and mostly win the argument. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and once a while give you a smile also. She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election.

She always has a good reason, even she likes to contradict herself. She cannot decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Woman in other Zodiac might not care what other people think, but Libra woman care what other people, or what you feel as much as her own feeling. She can adjust to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the ladder up. She likes team work in doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you except if she does not like your guts. She can change you and make you think you change by yourself without her influence.

Good side of being with Libra woman is she never interfere with your privacy. She will not make you loose face in front of your friends. Even she cares about how much money she has left his her bank account, she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you.

She thinks taking care of the house is a woman job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even she looks at you with that sweet innocent pairs of baby's looks and may lose you (let you win) in a few poker games.

If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends introducing you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like a bubble head. You have to move forward toward her with confident and secure. Show her that you are a kind, polite and a real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smack!


I got this from Azmir (he got it from a fren). He said it's all true about me. Hehehe.. I think so too. Except the part which it says i spent a lot of efforts to keep my skin clean and pretty.. I don't. A flirt.. maybe I am..

It's not goodbye, it's hello.. in reverse!

I took this personality shit test... yes, I was bored and i got this...

-You are very respectful of the needs and wants of other people.
-You generally take pride in being a strong community member.
-You tend to have very high values.
-You like to gather facts and think things over before offering a strong opinion.
-You are skilled at being diplomatic with people in all settings.
-You are generally good at cooling down tense situations in a relationship.
-You tend to be an objective, careful evaluator of situations.
-You tend to set and maintain very high standards for yourself.
-You tend to bring feelings of security and stability to a relationship.
-You are excellent at listening to your partner.

Hmmm... so wat say you?

"But.. I'm not anorexic.."

So I went to see the doctor yesterday. Everyone is making a big fuss about my not eating and after each meal, I'm off to the ladies. I'm not anorexic. I wouldn't want to be even if I'm unhappy with my body which I am, btw. Maybe a lil more weight would be better but I love my body and wouldn't do anything to it.

Besides my losing appetite, I have gotten back my chest pains. I was doing good before, a couple of weeks back but now, it's getting worst and sometimes, I can't sleep at nyte and when I do get some sleep, I would wake up in the middle of the nyte becoz I would get this aching feeling on my chest.. like someone's stabbing me, but this time from the front. It hurts like hell and it gets to the point where I would cry myself to sleep.

So, how's the new look? I love it and thanks to Chocolaty for making it happen. Thank u so much!

Would u like to give it a whirl? Yes pls...

It's 2.30pm and I haven't eaten. Why? I dunno. I still haven't the appetite. I'm having gastric and it is sooo painful. Yeah, my fault I know but I don't wanna force myself to eat. I would probably just throw up after eating. That's gross and I don't wanna throw up.

I just got back from an appointment. She has finally decided on her wedding gown. Thank God! Now, I have to check on other stuff and hopefully by Sunday, everything will be all good to pass it over to my partner. Starting Monday, I'm a part-time WP. It's not that I'm not doing good, I just need some time to think. To think about what I want and what to do about it.

Am I doing better today? Nope. I dunno when I will be. I'm not asking for anybody's sympathy. I don't need it. I just need someone to talk to. Not about him. I just wanna get whatever that is bottled up inside me out. Okay, maybe a bit on him but not entirely. I do have some other problems. I know I can talk to Nick but he's not here and god knows when he'll be back. He said soon but soon could be next 2 weeks or so. I miss having someone to talk to. I guess Azmir was really the only one I talked to if I have anything on my mind. Now... I don't wanna burden him with my problems. I don't wanna get used to that bcoz when he finds someone new, I'm sure she wouldn't like the idea of me calling him up now and then to talk. I miss him..

Help..

Oh God... please please please take this sadness out of me... please take it away.. someone.. anyone.. please....

5 reasons why my life suck at this moment...

1 - The shoutbox is facing some problems and it looks sucky on my page ryte now!

2 - My room looks as if a tornado just hit it and I'm in no mood to clean it up.

3 - Am no longer organising St. John's event due to my over-the-top charges.. what over-the-top!?! It's freaking CHEAP, u doofus!

4 - I am losing appetite to eat.. 'nuff said.

5 - I miss him and he doesn't care!

F*** Off with your Attitude!

A bunch of frens came over to see me. Went to have dinner with them at Gazebo. I dropped by at Starbucks to say hi to Mokh. Asked him how he's doing and he said fine. Been busy. Asked him how come no phone calls/smses (I asked as a good fren of his and in my sweetest voice) and know what he said? "Ohh.. I have a gf now, so been spending time with her".. okay, I'm cool with that. It's great that he has a gf.. finally! Then, I asked hm how long has it been.. and he answered in a f***ing rude way.. "so sibuk!".. hello! I'm a fren of urs, if u have forgotten. I'm sorry I hurt ur feelings for having a bf but u don't have to give me an attitude for asking how u've f***ing been for the past few months. It was so uncalled for, buddy! U wanna be rude to me.. fine but u don't bloody have to do it in public. How would u f***ing feel if I do that to u?? Geez.. for all u know, ur relationship wouldn't last and u're acting all snooty! F*** u! That's all I have to say. F*** to all the guys out there! U're all f***ed up!!! I was being concerned about u not keeping in touch, and this is the treatment I get. U guys are all the same.. be it guyfrens or boyfren. U know, from now on.. don't give a f***ing care about me.. coz I don't f***ing care no more!! Okay, this is me when I'm angry... I probably read this back tomorrow morning and laugh my head off but for now, I'm so bloody upset. Everything is just soooooo wrong for me at the moment. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

Breakaway Pangkor

Hey.. anyone wants to go for a holiday? There'll be 9 DJs and partying all nyte long.. so if any one of u is interested, check this out Breakaway. It's cheap... get ur frens to come along and u'll get to split the cash, so u don't have to spend so much.. yada yada yada.

New..

Okay.. I'm taking out the guestbook out of my site... so that anyone who wants to say something can do so either on the comment box or shoutbox (on the right, the box in pink!). It's easy. So, just write whatever u want like hello.. how r u? If u have comments on my entries, then click at the comment and fill it up. It's easy. Even a 10 yr-old can do it. Aight? Aightt..

Hey Rangga, where have u been? Spending time with ur boo, ay? Hehe.. have fun!

It's a hot sunny day and I'm sweating like a pig!

There was a power failure in my area a couple of hours ago. It's back on and THANK GOD! I was bored to death with nothing to do or to watch. I'm glad the power came back on before the sun goes down.

Nick is such a loser! Haha. I know u're gonna read this later. I'm chatting with him while I'm blogging. Yeah, I know I don't bloody have to tell the whole world but it's my bloody blog and I'll bloody write what I bloody want! Wooohooo!! Told u, Nick.. I can write the word bloody 4 times in a sentence. Hah! U owe me another pine of B&J! Sigh... it's not like I can eat it with u-know-who. U're busy with that... what's her name.. that french chick... femmefatale.. to eat share with me... but u know I'd rather share with him or Brandon Boyd. Sigh.... ice-cream & BB.... is that hell or heaven, mann?!?! I dunno, u tell me! Sooo... now u have to go off! Geeez...

I dunno how I'm feeling ryte now, Nick. I'm hurt. Sad. Weak. Sick. Exhausted. Angry. Confused. But I can still put a smile on my face. I guess I just don't want anyone else to know. Most of my frens still don't know and they don't read my blog, so none of them know. I'm such a failure when it comes to r/ships. Everybody leaves me at the end. It is never the other way around. Okay, I left Y but only after I found out he was cheating on me.. but that shows what a failure I am as a gf. Shuq left me. Rofhan hurt me badly. Nick.. only we both know what he did to hurt me. Yeah, Nick's my bestfren after we dated each other and I caught him with another gal playing trains and tunnels. Which took me years to accept him as a fren. Now, it's him. I'm not mad at Azmir. I'm not. Maybe I am but not angry enough to strangle him or pull his hair out! I'm just hurt...

*Shakes head* I gotta talk about something else. I was thinking just now while I was sweating due to the power failure.. no one is perfect. A person can't have everything. It's either u have the looks with no brain or a brainy that looks... I'm thinking ugly coz I can't seem to think of a more gentle word to replace it with. So, yeah.. u can't have it all... even if u're gorgeous and intelligent, u bound to have something negative about u. It could be ur BO or u're not good with older ppl/kids/society or something like that but let's say, someone u know.. is intelligent, has a social skill of Oprah Winfrey and smells good all the time but, yes there is a BUT, he/she looks like one of the guys/gals u wouldn't be caught dead with, now he/she wouldn't be considered perfect ryte? What if he/she undergoes a plastic surgery to make him/herself look good-looking.. now, he/she has ALL THAT.. so does that make he/she perfect? Do u get what I'm trying to say here? U can't seem to find anything negative about him/her. So, he/she is perfect ryte? But what about the plastic surgery? He/she is not perfect after all but he/she has the looks, attitude and everything u could only possibly dream about. DOES THAT MAKE HIM/HER PERFECT?!?!?! I'm getting a headache just trying to figure out how to put this out in words...

Okay.. so I lied..

About wanting to go to bed or lock myself up. I'm still online bcoz I know if I were to go into my room, I would start thinking about things that would upset me and eventually cry myself to sleep... no, have been doing that for the past couple of days.. make it 7 days.. so.. yeah, need to take my mind off it.

I wish I had gone out today. Catch a movie. Alone. Hehe. I have never done that in my entire 23 and a half yrs of living in this beautiful country. I love Malaysia. It's soooo beautiful!! So many things for foreigners to look forward to here.. and.. okay, let's get back to what I was saying.. yeah, I have never. Have u? I don't think I can watch a movie alone at the cinema, mind u.. if it were at home, yeah.. I've done that a million times! I can't. I would probably sit for.. let's say.. 10 mins.. and BYE! I don't know how the hell my bros can do that. I've told my frens.. a million times that I'm gonna give that a try.. yeah, maybe we'll get tickets of the same movie but different seats.. and u're all thinking.. "WTF?? That's pretty much like watching it with the whole gang!" ... I KNOW!!!! But I just can't see myself seating alone with a couple next to me.. both sides.. so weird! I'm not saying those who had watched a movie alone or the ones who have been doing that all this while are pathetic losers.. NO, sir.. u're not! I respect those lonerangers.. hehe.. I always giggle when I use that word.. lonerangers... khekhekhe...

Okay.. my dad wants to go eat mee goreng mamak now.. gotta teman him. Will write back later.. or whenever I'm in the mood..

God bless!

Another one and then I'll go to bed..

1 When you get upset, you:
lock myself up in my room, music full blast, cry or take a cold shower

2 If someone has taken interest in you at a party or other social gathering, you:
yeah ryte... someone's interested in me?! OH YEAH RYTE!!!

3 If you are arguing about an issue and know you are correct, you:
argue till the other party shuts up and get the hell out of my face! i hate ppl who wants to win an argument but have no idea on what they're arguing about! bodoh! if u know nothing.. just shut the hell up!

4 Your friends are usually:
everything i am not.. that would be.. fun, crazy, good-looking, awesome bunch!

5 When you wake up in the morning, you:
think of him.. hmmm.. is he awake? should i go back to sleep? hmm.. coffee.. yummyy..

6 When you are interested in someone, you:
go up to that someone and give him a passionate kiss! NOT! keep it to myself.. d-uh!

7 You are at the toilet when you overhear two of your friends talking about how horrible your new haircut is. You:
"I KNOW!!!!"

8 If your life were to be made into a movie -- and you were to star as yourself -- who would you cast to play your leading man/woman?:
hehehe... Azmir... no.. Brandon Boyd.. NO! Orlando Bloom!!.. no wait.. Hugh Jackman.. no no.. wait.. I DUNNO!!!! All of them?? Pleaseeeee??

9 How do you like your kisses to be?:
depends.. if it's from my bf... hehee.. my niece.. a smack on my lip! she's sooo cute!

10 When your lover leans in for a kiss in public, what do you do?:
hit him on the head! what the hell do u think?!? KISS HIM BACK! stupid Q!!

Aahh.. okay, now i'm really bored.. so gonna go read or watch tv.. or maybe just lock myself up in my room..

God bless and have a nice day!

I'm bored...

Name one person who comes to mind in each question

1. Always make you laugh.
Wafi

2. Always make you angry
Wafi

3. Always irritates of you
Wafi

4. Always be there for you
Azmir

5. Always buy present for you
Isma Edli

6. Always hangout with you
Wafi

7. Always smile at you
Wafi

8. Always pay for you
Hmmm.. my dad? Azmir? My bros? My mum?? ME?!?

9. Always drive you around
My bros! Azmir! Sorry had to break the rule!

10. Always ask homework question
When I was in skool... Linda

11. Always need your help
Nick!!! Hehehe...

12. Always make you wait
A lot of ppl!! Punctuality is the key, ppl!!

13. Always sleep in class
I can't remember.. it was ages ago..

14. Always cannot make up his/her mind
Hahaha... u know who u are....

15. Always late for class
Maz.. my bestfren in high skool

16. Never take a bus/train/aeroplane
Hmmm... I don't know any..

17. Has messy hair
Mokh

18. Untidy
Mokh

19. Someone you love?
*Sigh..*

20. Last but not the least... any idol?
Deanna Yusoff.. she's hot, she rawks!

Hehe..

I kinda like that song.. F.U.R.B. - Frankee.. now.. Eamon wouldn't think she would hit him back with that song.. hehehehe.. u go gal!

Just another Sunday

Didn't do anything much today. Went to check on the tenants at Setiawangsa. Came back and had dinner with my family. Having a splitting headache. I had mistakenly took my medicine with Coke. Damn, it was so funny. I was talking crap a couple of hours after that and later had a bad tummy ache. I swore I poured warm water to take with my medicine. You're probably thinking.. "Gee.. she's such an idiot!" but if u were in my situation (which is having a lot of things going on in my life at the moment), u wouldn't think so. Anyway, I hope this headache will go off soon! REAL SOON!

I met Nora online last nyte but I was not really in the mood to chat. I haven't had the mood lately. Go figure. I don't even have the mood to leave my room but if I don't, I won't get any work done and that means no income. I just applied for a job overseas. I'm not telling which company bcoz I'm so sure I'm gonna jinx it! Hopefully I will get the job so that I can get the hell out of here. It's not that I don't love my country, oh god I DO so MUCH but at this moment, I just want to be elsewhere. I just want to go somewhere where I know no one.

At a time like this, I wish he would call me. It would make me feel so much better to hear his voice but I know I'm the last person he wants to talk to. The last person he wants to see. He's moving on and I suppose I should to. I'm not gonna move on by meeting new guys.. no. I don't wanna do that. I'm not ready to date and I don't think I want to. Honestly speaking, I don't want to. He would still be my first choice to go watch a movie with, to have dinner or ice-cream.. bcoz he's a fun guy to be with altho he has this serious look on his face at all times but he's fun. I miss our bitching sessions. *Sigh*..

I have been following America's Next Top Model from season I to season II. The first season, I rooted for Adrienne and I just knew she'd be the one and what do u know.. she became ANTM. In season II, it was pretty hard for me bcoz I liked Sara, Jenascia, Yoanna and April. After watching the 4th episode, I came to like Yoanna the best and figured okay, this gal is gonna be the next ANTM. Oh my god!! I was SOOO ryte!!! I think I should be one of the judges. I have been writing down what I think of each contestants (sad I know..) and they're exactly what most of the judges said of them. I'm so happy that Yoanna won bcoz she is sooo hot and after all the negative things that was said of her, she proved to each and everyone of them that they're wrong and that one can achieve whatever one wants just as long as u put ur heart and soul into it. Way to go, gal! She's just so sweet and .. HOT! Oh and just a couple of days ago, I watched one of the episodes where Shandi cheated on her bf. Damn, that was sooo wrong but she's so lucky that after all that, her bf still wants her. Damn.. lucky woman!..

I can't wait for the next season of ANTM. By watching ANTM, it actually made me realise how one can be stressful by being a model. I'm soooo thankful that I'm doing a part-time job at it. If I were to be a full-time model, I don't think I could go thru the day! But if there is such contest here, I would go for it.. just for the fun of it.. u know, see how reality TV shows are really like.. hahah..

Movies, movies and more movies!

So many new movies are out.. and I still haven't seen any of it! I miss watching movies.. at the cinema, I mean. Oh well.. I'll wait for the dvds..

If I Ain't Got You

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

And in a world on a silver platter
And wondering what it means
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby


Not that it means anything... ;).. I just like this song... and well, it may represent my feelings. Whatever.

Another emotional day

I hate my days lately. I don't have the appetite to eat altho I am hungry. Everyone is forcing me to eat bcoz I have to take my medicine. F**k the medicine. It's not like I'm gonna die if I don't take it. I'll live, u know. D-uh!

I went out yesterday. First had to meet a client then I met Tina. I just had to get out of the house. Everything is just so weird at the moment. So, now she's thinking of the lilac gown instead of the cream coloured gown. I prefer the cream gown but then, it's not my wedding. She looks absolutely gorgeous in the cream gown but she prefers the lilac bcoz it doesn't make her look fat... hello, u're as thin as I am. What fat are u talking about? I told her to go home and think about it. Again. Yes, this is the second time she has decided to change her gown and I told her, look since the wedding is not till next year.. u have all the time to think about it. Just make sure u'll decide on one before it's too late. She has all the time, yeah but I don't want to dissapoint her by saying.. "Ooops, sorry.. ur wedding gown won't be ready till after ur wedding day". Get what I mean? No? Good.

So after that, met up with Tina. My my.. she has lost weight! She looks good. We were so bising. At least I got some stuff off my mind. Okay, I'm lying. It didn't but well, I dunno. Oh and she invited me to her fren's farewell dinner on Friday nyte. I still haven't decided on going. Should I? I don't know any of her frens. Not those ppl, at least. Well, I think I'd rather stay home and watch TV. Wow.. stay home on a Friday nyte.. sad huh? Well... believe it or not.. I'm used to it and it doesn't kill to stay home on a Friday nyte. Not for me, that is.. I dunno about other ppl and truth to be told, I don't care.

Nick called this morning. Thanks for waking me up, dude! Yeah, sorry for not replying. Been sick as u know and I just don't feel like writing much. I just needed some time alone. Glad to know that u're finally flying back home. If u can call Malaysia ur home.. hehe. We'll meet up soon, yah? Gimme a call as soon as u get ur white ass home.

Ryte at this moment, I'm feeling a bit sad. I just miss him, I guess. I know i know.. he doesn't care but let him be. I can't afford to think about other ppl anymore. If everyone can be selfish, so can I. Not that I want to be one. Selfishness is not in me but I think sometimes being selfish makes u happy. Maybe I should move on but maybe I don't want to. Maybe I'm just tired with everything. Yeah, that could be it. I'm so out of love. I don't want to be in love. I may sound dramatic but those who know me well, they know when I say black.. it's black. Love is a wonderful thing, no doubt in that but it is also painful. What in the world does it mean that if u're such a great gf but that person doesn't deserve u bcoz u're too good for him? I just don't get that. I thot everyone wants just that for them.. and here I am being left bcoz I'm the best gf ever. If that is the case, then I might as well just forget about falling in love. I've had enough. Enough pain to last me thruout my whole life. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me (which I haven't said this of my ex-bfs) and he is irreplaceable. He may have found someone else... maybe not but if he does, that's his life. As for me, I don't want to. I'm just out of love.

He's the sweetest guy, the most intelligent and such a good-hearted person. He's just amazing and I want him to be happy. It if means happiness to him to have someone better than I am, so be it. I may not be able to swallow it but it's his life. As always, as before.. I just have to love him from afar...

Feeling much better..

My flu is gone. Not fully gone but gone. Hehe. I'm feeling much better today. Thanks to my frens. He sms-ed me yesterday evening. It was nothing much but I felt better in a way when I received the sms.

When u go abroad to futher ur studies.. u realise that there are bigger opportunities out there for u. What u have, doesn't seem to be enough. U know u can get something much better. I guess that's what he's going thru. I'm not all that (altho he said I am) so I'm pretty sure he'd want someone better. I think I can go thru this. It will take me some time... but I will heal. Maybe I won't. Who knows. I just hope he's happy with his decision. I respect what he wants. I can't force him, can I? I was never in his league anyway. He's above me. I'm just not his type after all, I guess. Hope all's well on ur side, greekGod.

Sick as a dog

I'm so sick. I'm so tired. I hope I'll get better soon. I don't think I'll be blogging for the next few days. Even if I feel much better tomorrow, I don't feel like blogging for now. We'll see.

He hasn't messaged since yesterday. I guess he's busy. I hope nothing's wrong with him. He's probably busy messaging other gals. Yeah. That must be it. Hope all's well on his side. I think it is. He got bored... so he must be okay.

Make Me Whole

I didn't do anything today. Woke up at about 11 and watched tv. Nothing was on so I went into my room and stayed in there the whole day. I don't know how I feel at this moment. Am I angry? Am I sad? Yes. I feel like whatever it is that I do in life, is never enough for anyone else that matters to me. I'm such a failure in every sense. In my family, in my r/ship.. everything and yet, he said I'm the best ever. If that is the case, then why leave? I can't talk to anyone about this bcoz everyone thinks I've got it. I've got everything figured out but the matter of the fact is that I have not. I don't even know what to do next. I don't even want to do anything. I'm sick and tired. I don't think I can ever feel the same way for anyone else and I don't think I ever want to. I'm not mad at anyone, especially him. I can't force him but I just don't understand what's going on. I really don't. I'm so messed up ryte now I don't even know what I'm writing, I don't even think any of this makes sense.

It's over...

My life is officially over.

Indecisive

I didn't sleep well last nyte. Most of the time, I was tossing and turning. My niece woke me up at 10am. Banging on my door and calling out my name. It's so nice to have her wake me up in the morning. As I have much expected, the only reason why she wanted to come into my room was to play with my Stitch. Cuddle up with it and me. She's so adorable and I can't wait for to start talking in full sentences. She just lost one of her grandpa and it has left me with awed with the way she's taking it. She's much too young to understand but from her facial expressions, I know she feels the loss. She sat quietly at one corner last nyte, as if she's thinking about her late grandfather and when her mum came home (my sister-in-law), my niece went up to her, hugged and was comforting her mother. She's only 1 yr 10 months. So cute!

I had no appointments today. Wished I had made some for today. Am bored to death. Too messed-up to go out. I'm just having this mixed feelings inside of me at the moment. There's so much to do but so little time or maybe I'm just lazy. I know I should start doing some of the work that I have put off since last week (which is not in a hurry anyway) but I'm just too... lazy. I'm not a lazy-bum but I'm just not in the ryte mood. Yeah, that is it. I'm not in the mood. What I'm in the mood for is sushi! Sad thing is, no one to go to have some with. Everybody's at work. Tisha has started her new job at Astro. Haven't been talking to her for almost 3 weeks now. Irina is at work and she only finishes at 10pm and by that time, sushi place would be closed. Maybe I should get my bro to take me. My bf? Well, he's pretty busy at the moment...

Ezy hasn't called since he left for Dubai. I hope he's doing well. I have so many things on my mind that I have been wanting to post on the blog but there's just too many and maybe one day, when I'm in the ryte mind and mood, I'll post them. It's my everyday thots of the way other ppl living their lives. I realised that there is a lot of ppl out there who couldn't care less about other ppl. Some of them as young as 12 yrs old! I guess that's bcoz their parents are not bringing them up that well.. huh? I dunno.. I could be wrong. Anyway, it's lunch time and I think I better get going.

What is it?

Are u appreciative of me? Am I doing a good job here? Why is it so hard for u to talk to me? U want me to talk to u if there is anything wrong but u don't do the same? Why is that? Am I not worth ur time?

I haven't been blogging bcoz of the stupid server. Not blogger.com... my area.. the server was down for days! Nothing much happened for the last few days. Except today, my bro's father-in-law passed away. Other than that.... life's been pretty.. shitty. Yeap.

I have to go now. Gonna do some reading...

Love kind

The first stage is to believe that there is only one kind of love. The middle stage is to believe that there are many kinds of love and that the Greeks had a different word for each of them. The last stage is to believe is there is only one kind of love. The unabashed "eros" of lovers, the symphathetic "philia" of friends, agape giving itself away freely no less for the murderer than for his victim (the King James Version translates it as charity) - these are all varied manifestations of a single reality. To lose yourself in another's arms, or in another's company, or in suffering for all who suffer, including the ones who inflict suffering upon you- to lose yourself in such ways is to find yourself. Is what it's all about. Is what love is. Of all powers, love is the most powerful and most powerless... It is the most powerful because it alone can conquer that final and most impregnable stronghold which is the human heart... It is the most powerless because it can do nothing except by consent.

And Ezy has left the building.. well.. actually Malaysia..

So i went to see my bro, Ezy at the airport. All of us, that would be me, Eddie, my eldest bro and El, the youngest of the boys. Still older than I am. Damn it. Wish I was the older one but well, I think it's good enough being the youngest and the only girl in the family. And no, I am not spoiled. I used to get things to go my way. Yeah, notice that i used the term.. 'used'? So, I'm no longer spoiled! Anyhoowee, we had a great laugh at Burger King, KLIA. It was so good to sit and talk about work and well, we mostly bitched about other ppl. Hehe.. not very nice are we? Hmmm.. come on, who doesn't bitch? U don't? Really? Maan... u're soooo good.. such an angel.. =P

Ezy is only going off for a month. He'll be back on the 27th May and will be going back to Dubai for good. That's when I think I'll cry buckets and pails. Wait.. is it pale or pail? Bail? No? Nope.. it's pail. I think. Oh well, I have a dictionary somewhere but too lazy to get my ass up. LOL. Such a lazy bitch sometimes but who cares.. coz I don't! Khalil, I did try to cry... hehe. Takde lah. Tak nangis pun. Like I said, maybe when we send him off again in May. I might probably get Amir to come with me. Hehe.. so that I can wet his shirt... gosh, that sound soo wrong.

We took pictures.. yeah, hehe.. it's so weird. We don't take pictures of all of us together often. In fact, the last time we did was maybe back in the 80s. All four of us.. yeap.. somewhere during the times when I was their pain in the ass! Still am. ;). Always will be. After I saw the photos (which we took using Eddie's phone), I felt kinda sad. Wish I had more photos of us. I think the best moments are always captured in the form of a picture and without us realising that is one of the best moments until we see the photo. I'm very close to my bros. They're afterall, my flesh and blood but I don't think I'm as close to Ezy as I am to my other 2 bros and it saddens me that I'm not. I wish I could turn back the time and make my r/ship with him better. We do talk... about almost everything. But I don't think he loves me as much as Eddie does. Or El. The thing is, I don't think I love him as much as I do both of them. I love Ezy, no doubt there but I wish I could love him more. He's a great person. He's one of the ppl I look up to. With him being away, maybe I will get the chance to think of a way to get closer to him. Who knows, when he comes back.. I'll be the first he'd call (okay, I know for sure that's not gonna happen!! hehe..). Anyway, I'm happy that he's happy. He looked excited and happy to start his new life in Dubai. I wish him all the best and I know.. if he ever need a listening ear.. I'll always be around for him.. any day.. any time.

Abg Ezy, I may not have told u this.. but I love u, bro and I'm proud to have u as my bro and wouldn't trade anyone for u. Maybe if Brandon Boyd.. okay, let's not go there...

Giggle? Google? Gurgle? Shut up!

I am now in charge of organising an event in Sept. It's an annual dinner cum fund-raising event of St. Johns PIBG. Excited! Not because it's an all-boys school but my friends will be performing for the event. Hehe.. well, will only know the answer tomorrow but so far, the manager said he's okay with it and they're willing to perform for free since it's all about fund-raising. I love doing charity work. I don't know about anyone else but I feel so good after doing some. Good because I get to see smiling faces of those ppl I'm helping and u feel all warm fuzzy-wuzzy inside. Sigh. Wish I could do it more often!

Had a couple more meetings after the one in St. Johns. Eddie and I were still full from our breakfast so we had Cinnabon for lunch. I had the chocolate cinnabon... OMG, it tasted sssssoooooooooo good. All the time! Yummy! KLCC had a fashion show goin on while I was there.. some local designers parading their clothes. Must be because of the Fashion Fair.. Week.. whatever. I used to know all about the fashion events but lately, I just don't bother... hehe. I had watch the fashion show just now coz my fren asked me to. It's her first runway.. of sort.. so just giving her my support. She did well. It turned out good and gal, if u're reading this, I'm proud of u! Let me know if u have more. Will be glad to give u all of my support!

Btw, I checked my nedstats and I'm curious of something... my page is always being viewed by someone using Maxis Comm.. and I'm just wondering who he/she is... I mean, it's like everyday... and sometimes more than once... just would like to say thanks.. for taking the time to read my thots.. which is basically nonsense.. ehehe... well, thanks again. Feel free to visit more often... hehe.

Tiring day!

I'm not gonna write a long one today. Reason being, I am so tired! Brought my niece, Wafi to update her photos at the talents agencies.. and she was a bit cranky.. just woke up and stuff. Anyway, had a nice surprise.. bumped into my long-lost petbro, Syed Khalil. Hehe.. so good-looking now. So grown up!

After that, I hung out at Amir's. Played PS2. Had a pretty restless day earlier.. but turned out alryte later. I think I better get some sleep. Goin to KLIA later at about 2am to send off my bro. Will write more tomorrow...

It's amazing how bored one can be...

Yeap, i'm bored. To death! I don't have anything to do at all. My bf's at home playing PS2 and will everyone please stop asking whether I'm seeing him or not today. My bro, sis-in-law and niece dropped by today. Yippee! I just remembered I have to update her photos at the talent agencies. Will probably bring her tomorrow.

I can't believe my bro bought a new cellphone. My dream cellphone. The Nokia 6600. *Screams*. I love that phone. Don't care what all of u think of that phone but I love it! It just feels so right when I hold it in my hand. Darn it! Not gonna get the same phone now. Oh well, when I have the money, I'd probably get the Nokia 7200. Suhh-wweeeettt!

Okay, now back to my boredom. Have u ever felt so bored that u wanna commit suicide? No, not me. Just asking if u have ever felt that way. Owh man. Bored. Yeah. Ain't got a thing to do. I'm thinking maybe I should re-deco my room but when u're bored, u're just too lazy to do anything. Unless if someone asks me out. I'm thinking; maybe I should call up my frens and go out.. but wait, I ain't got no frens. Well, I do but I'm just not in the mood to hang out with that bunch. Why? Coz all we'll be talking about is guys, guys and guys. Tired of that. Yeah. Really.

I wonder where the hell Nick is. He hasn't called. No emails. Am supposed to meet up this week but as usual.. he has gone missing. Yeah, I should have gotten used to it but this is just not Nick.. he would have at least said something about going off somewhere or something. Maybe I should ask Amir if Nick emailed him or something.

I've been receiving a lot of messages in MySpace from a bunch of different guys. It is the typical perverted messages. What's up with males and their hormones? Just because u see a gal's picture lying on her freaking bed does not mean she wants to get laid. How small is ur brain for u to actually think that that is what a gal wants? If u really want a fcuk, go get a whore. Another sad thing about this networking thing is that, ppl actually add u just for the sake of having a list of frens in their space. How sad can one person be? That's so pathetic. I don't add ppl unless I really want to get to know them. Honestly speaking, I only add gals because they're decent and even if they're horny, they write it in a way that would actually make me want to add them. Some gals may like the way some guys write.. but a lot of gals I know, prefer to get to know those that have something intelligent to say. Have a decent conversation on everything. A lot of gals act like they're a bunch of brainless bimbos, but they aren't. So, we may have a typical bimbo-ish profile but ask us anything intelligent, we'll blow ur mind away.

Oh yeah, someone emailed me saying that he got my email add from my blog and he asked me this:
"would u want to have anal sex?" What kind of a stupid question is that? It meant to be oneway, dude, if you don't like nothing near urs, don't ask the girl to take the pain for ur pleasure. And why in the hell would I want to have anal sex with u when I don't bloody know u?? See, somehow this kind ppl never fail to amaze me. Do guys always think with their small head instead of the big one? A guyfren of mine asked me once, why is it that whenever guys look at u when u're at a club, u pay no attention? Wanna know why? Simply because I'm not interested. Even if I did make an eye-contact, that does not mean u're my type. It could be I'm just playing. Well.. as the saying goes.. don't hate the player, hate the game.