You didn't think there'd be a surprise birthday party for you, hey?
Hope you had a great time, I know I did and everyone else too. Mann... the look on your face was priceless!
Jules is an amazing woman! She planned the surprise birthday party at Hush@Bangsar. She said on the whole, it took her a day and half to plan. The food was fantastic and so were the company. Totally took my mind off of things!
I actually felt mum's presence and I know she had a smile on her face seeing all of us there.
Once again, happy birthday and many happy returns!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
This is for my late mother...
Mariah Carey - Bye Bye
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye
As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up some times
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown full things separation brings
You never let me know it, you never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
Theres so much more left so say
If you were with me today face to face
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3
Bye bye
And you never got a chance to see how good I’ve done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It’s so hard to accept the fact you’re gone forever
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
Am standing right here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye, bye
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this (I never knew it)
And everyday life goes on like (everyday of my life I wish)
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile” (I wish)
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by (I wish, I wish, I wish as time goes by)
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Its hard to say bye bye bye bye bye bye
So come on somebody sing it with me
Wave your hands up high
Hey hey, this if for my peoples who just lost somebody
So this is for everybody
You put your hand to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye bye
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye
As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up some times
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown full things separation brings
You never let me know it, you never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
Theres so much more left so say
If you were with me today face to face
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3
Bye bye
And you never got a chance to see how good I’ve done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It’s so hard to accept the fact you’re gone forever
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
Am standing right here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye, bye
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this (I never knew it)
And everyday life goes on like (everyday of my life I wish)
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile” (I wish)
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by (I wish, I wish, I wish as time goes by)
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Its hard to say bye bye bye bye bye bye
So come on somebody sing it with me
Wave your hands up high
Hey hey, this if for my peoples who just lost somebody
So this is for everybody
You put your hand to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye bye
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Counting down the hours....
So ticket is ready and room is booked! Yeeeaaaayyy!!!
I cannot wait for Saturday to come. I'm taking leave starting Sat so that I can go visit my mother's grave before I leave for Cape Town. I haven't packed so half the day will be spend doing just that. Then dinner with the family and off to the airport!!! Wwwoooohhhoooo!!!
I am so excited! I can't wait to see Sexylove!!
Lalalalalalalalalalala.....
I cannot wait for Saturday to come. I'm taking leave starting Sat so that I can go visit my mother's grave before I leave for Cape Town. I haven't packed so half the day will be spend doing just that. Then dinner with the family and off to the airport!!! Wwwoooohhhoooo!!!
I am so excited! I can't wait to see Sexylove!!
Lalalalalalalalalalala.....
I really have nothing much to say except how excited I am right now about my trip to, yes.... CAPE TOWN!!!!!
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Like You'll Never See Me Again - Alicia Keys
If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn’t feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I’d be wishing you were here
To be everything that I’d be looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again
Oh Oh Ohhhhh
How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Know until you lose it
That it’s everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don’t really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you’ll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you’ll never see me again
(like you’ll never see me again)
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn’t feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I’d be wishing you were here
To be everything that I’d be looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again
Oh Oh Ohhhhh
How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Know until you lose it
That it’s everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don’t really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you’ll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you’ll never see me again
(like you’ll never see me again)
Sunday, March 02, 2008
What a day!
Had a very busy day at work since it's the first week of the month. Payments and preparing notebooks. Arrgghh. Crazy! New students signing up non-stop. We came across nice and sweet students and also rude f***ed up students. Yeah, you read it right. I really do not know how kids are being brought up nowadays. One student actually shouted at his mother in front of us - unbelievable!!
I went home early, told Gesh to close. Had to rush home cause it's the time of the month and was feeling very uncomfortable. Then Ezy picked us up from home, went to the park and flew kite with LC - not for long cause it started to rain so we rushed into the car and drove to OU. LC was hungry so we had Japanese food. Yummy. I had Salmon Terriyaki - yummylicious! After that, El and Jules came to join us but we proceeded to Ms. Read... okay, now I am not surprised that I gained weight. After that Salmon Terriyaki, I had Mama's Beef Bolognaise Spaghettiette or whatever they call it. I mean why can't they just print it out "Spaghetti Bolognaise"?? I'm so stuffed now. Really.
Just arrived home about 15 mins ago. Last night, we slept over at Wafi's. Wawa is sooo adorable. I can't believe how much she adores me! Kids [s]dislike[/s] hate me. I just don't get along with kids... especially the not so cute ones. Look at my nieces and nephews on my father's side, I don't play with them or try to be friendly, at all. But Wawa... she'd scream her lungs out calling my name when she sees me - just hearing my voice would make her drop anything and come running to me!! I love that!!! Wafi is close to me but she has always been closer to El since she was a toddler but Wawa... she's really close to me. In fact, she's the closest to me among the aunts and uncles.
I spoke to Sexylove this morning. Well afternoon where I am ;). So you better prepare yourself with the talk when I visit you, my love ;). That's all we'll be doing - talk and more talk. I have a lot to sayyyy..... you just be ready.
Thanks for loving me and you know I feel it in me. It's been really frustrating lately with the changes but hopefully, it'll all ease up yeah?
I love you lots and am so looking forward to seeing you again....
xxx
- Babygirl
I went home early, told Gesh to close. Had to rush home cause it's the time of the month and was feeling very uncomfortable. Then Ezy picked us up from home, went to the park and flew kite with LC - not for long cause it started to rain so we rushed into the car and drove to OU. LC was hungry so we had Japanese food. Yummy. I had Salmon Terriyaki - yummylicious! After that, El and Jules came to join us but we proceeded to Ms. Read... okay, now I am not surprised that I gained weight. After that Salmon Terriyaki, I had Mama's Beef Bolognaise Spaghettiette or whatever they call it. I mean why can't they just print it out "Spaghetti Bolognaise"?? I'm so stuffed now. Really.
Just arrived home about 15 mins ago. Last night, we slept over at Wafi's. Wawa is sooo adorable. I can't believe how much she adores me! Kids [s]dislike[/s] hate me. I just don't get along with kids... especially the not so cute ones. Look at my nieces and nephews on my father's side, I don't play with them or try to be friendly, at all. But Wawa... she'd scream her lungs out calling my name when she sees me - just hearing my voice would make her drop anything and come running to me!! I love that!!! Wafi is close to me but she has always been closer to El since she was a toddler but Wawa... she's really close to me. In fact, she's the closest to me among the aunts and uncles.
I spoke to Sexylove this morning. Well afternoon where I am ;). So you better prepare yourself with the talk when I visit you, my love ;). That's all we'll be doing - talk and more talk. I have a lot to sayyyy..... you just be ready.
Thanks for loving me and you know I feel it in me. It's been really frustrating lately with the changes but hopefully, it'll all ease up yeah?
I love you lots and am so looking forward to seeing you again....
xxx
- Babygirl
Friday, February 29, 2008
Weight and what-not
I weighed myself this morning and it turned out that I am now 53kg!!!!!! That is above my ideal weight. I can't afford to gain anymore. I really can't - it'd be unhealthy. I have to look after my weight and also, blood pressure. I'm in my late twenties and I have to start taking extra care of my health! Ggggrrr.... 53kg - shiissshhhh.
I am thinking of leaving this company I'm working for. Actually, I am going to leave this company but I thought it'd be good to have a job in hand so that I don't stay at home with nothing to do. That would be hard for me as home is the last place I want to be on a full day. It'd bring too many memories - not that that isn't a good thing but I'm just not ready yet - and I need to keep my mind occupied.
I have been talking to two women - one is 53 and another 44 yrs old - about my loss. They both lost their parents a few years back. It was heartbreaking listening to their stories. One of them lost her father first and a few weeks later, her mother passed on. Imagine the pain, anger and hurt she had to go through. I am very glad I have these 2 amazing and very strong individuals to talk to since everyone around me is very busy with their lives. They sure don't sound old though... the way they write to me... they sound so young I thought they were in their 30s! What was shocking was that both had a relationship with MM - one is still seeing her MM. Shocking cause I didn't know it was that common - at that age.
Wanna know what else is common nowadays? Ovarian cyst. There are different types of cysts but all treatable. I read that about 95% of ovarian cyst are benign meaning they are not cancerous. It also stated that the hormones in the contraceptive pills; it may regulate the menstrual cycle, prevent the formation of follicles that can turn into cysts and possibly shrink an existing cyst. So it's a good thing, I'm taking those, huh? Anyway, at this moment every 3 out of 5 women I know personally have had the ovarian cyst. Although it isn't cancerous, it is still something to worry about.
I am thinking of leaving this company I'm working for. Actually, I am going to leave this company but I thought it'd be good to have a job in hand so that I don't stay at home with nothing to do. That would be hard for me as home is the last place I want to be on a full day. It'd bring too many memories - not that that isn't a good thing but I'm just not ready yet - and I need to keep my mind occupied.
I have been talking to two women - one is 53 and another 44 yrs old - about my loss. They both lost their parents a few years back. It was heartbreaking listening to their stories. One of them lost her father first and a few weeks later, her mother passed on. Imagine the pain, anger and hurt she had to go through. I am very glad I have these 2 amazing and very strong individuals to talk to since everyone around me is very busy with their lives. They sure don't sound old though... the way they write to me... they sound so young I thought they were in their 30s! What was shocking was that both had a relationship with MM - one is still seeing her MM. Shocking cause I didn't know it was that common - at that age.
Wanna know what else is common nowadays? Ovarian cyst. There are different types of cysts but all treatable. I read that about 95% of ovarian cyst are benign meaning they are not cancerous. It also stated that the hormones in the contraceptive pills; it may regulate the menstrual cycle, prevent the formation of follicles that can turn into cysts and possibly shrink an existing cyst. So it's a good thing, I'm taking those, huh? Anyway, at this moment every 3 out of 5 women I know personally have had the ovarian cyst. Although it isn't cancerous, it is still something to worry about.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
OMG!! I need to lose some fats!!!!
I can't fit into my hotpants! I am sooo shock when I tried it on and I couldn't button it up. Seriously, I need to lose some weight and that said, fats too! Really, I can't fit into them!!! I used to fit into them... which was just last year! I was friggin' 26 and now, I'm 29! OMFG!! I freaked out! I was screaming and shouting - my dad asked what was wrong and I told him... his responded with "Aahhh.... you're 'tembam', that's good! You've always been so thin" - Aaarrrgghhhhhh!!!! Men!!!!!
Everybody seems to think that I am slim and curvy - then why do I feel so fat?!?! Am I having PMS? Gee whizz... I don't know anymore! Arrrghhh... BC pills are so not helping! I decided to go back to Loette cause when I took Yasmin BC pills - I had headaches. So I decided to take Loette and well, apparently my SIL says that it makes you eat more - greatttt BUT I have Jace to make sure that I do not eat more than 2 meals a day now. Yeah yeah, I know... I can eat whatever I want as long as I exercise.... BUT no more fattening food for me. No more greasy food and anything that can make my blood pressure go up cause I have been feeling sick - more sick than ever lately. No more McD's for me. Really.
OMG - my tummy looks as if I am 2 months preggers - that is sooo gross!!! Aaarrghhh! I feel so flabby. I need to run. Yes, that's what I should do! Am going to take my trainers out and run this weekend. After work. I'll leave early and run at the park. Then swimming after that. Weights on Mon and Wed... yup, that can work. I will have to be very hard on myself - no more playing around.... no sirree!!!!
Everybody seems to think that I am slim and curvy - then why do I feel so fat?!?! Am I having PMS? Gee whizz... I don't know anymore! Arrrghhh... BC pills are so not helping! I decided to go back to Loette cause when I took Yasmin BC pills - I had headaches. So I decided to take Loette and well, apparently my SIL says that it makes you eat more - greatttt BUT I have Jace to make sure that I do not eat more than 2 meals a day now. Yeah yeah, I know... I can eat whatever I want as long as I exercise.... BUT no more fattening food for me. No more greasy food and anything that can make my blood pressure go up cause I have been feeling sick - more sick than ever lately. No more McD's for me. Really.
OMG - my tummy looks as if I am 2 months preggers - that is sooo gross!!! Aaarrghhh! I feel so flabby. I need to run. Yes, that's what I should do! Am going to take my trainers out and run this weekend. After work. I'll leave early and run at the park. Then swimming after that. Weights on Mon and Wed... yup, that can work. I will have to be very hard on myself - no more playing around.... no sirree!!!!
Happy Birthday, abg Eddie!!
Gee whizz... I can't believe my eldest brother is 39 today! LOL - not that he looks anywhere near 39 - he doesn't even look close to 35!!! Ggggrrrr. So for this month, he's the last to have his birthday celebrated. Next would be Wawa and El. I'm not sure if we are doing dinner tonight to celebrate Eddie's birthday but am definitely sleeping over at his place cause Wafi wanted me to since last night but I had laundry to do so tonight, I'll be spending some time with them and hopefully, some time with my darling sweetheart.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Happy Birthday, Kak Jules!
Today is Jules' birthday... a year wiser! I wish for her day to be filled with lots of love, laughter and happiness. I'm sure El will continue in making her happier every year. They are a loving couple as the other 2 couples - Eddie & Mas and Ezy & Zaiton. I'd be happy to have half of what they have now in my marriage.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Happy Birthday, Dila!
Today is Dila's 20th birthday so Happy Birthdayyyyy!!!! Mann... I can't believe how much she has grown. Not that she looks her age. Much younger to be honest!
I remember when she was 4 years old - strangling my kittens - poor kittens!! Even the cats would run away whenever they see her coming. She used to get whatever she asked for... which totally irked me! I used to envy her.. seriously. Maybe cause I was the youngest and that she wasn't really my parents' daughter. I was young at that time, all I wanted was everyone's attention but after I turned 14 or 15, I began to understand why she was that way. She didn't get any attention at all at her own home. The second youngest brother got all the attention. So my parents gave her all the attention she deserved and so did my brothers. Then I began to show her the sisterly side of me. I showed it by bullying her a lot. Ahhh to be an older sister. What a bliss!!
Anyhow, we celebrated her birthday by taking her to Manhattan Fish Market. It was a good thing that we went there as I was in the mood for seafood. El, Jules and Dila arrived first so they ordered the lobster platter which consisted of mussels, calamaris, fish & chips, garlic rice and of course a huge lobster! Absolutely fabulous! I loovveee seafood!!
Now, I am not a big fan of mussels but the creamy sauce it was served in was simply delicious. I was asked to try the mussels but it was too much for me. I just couldn't take it. Dila was curious as to how mussels taste like so I forced her to try one. Seriously.. I forced her. She said it was nice and that I should give it a try. Yeah right. After all those crap she was telling me, I caved in and tried one. Let me just say that there ain't gonna be a next time! Oysters I can live with, mussels.. no thanks!
I remember when she was 4 years old - strangling my kittens - poor kittens!! Even the cats would run away whenever they see her coming. She used to get whatever she asked for... which totally irked me! I used to envy her.. seriously. Maybe cause I was the youngest and that she wasn't really my parents' daughter. I was young at that time, all I wanted was everyone's attention but after I turned 14 or 15, I began to understand why she was that way. She didn't get any attention at all at her own home. The second youngest brother got all the attention. So my parents gave her all the attention she deserved and so did my brothers. Then I began to show her the sisterly side of me. I showed it by bullying her a lot. Ahhh to be an older sister. What a bliss!!
Anyhow, we celebrated her birthday by taking her to Manhattan Fish Market. It was a good thing that we went there as I was in the mood for seafood. El, Jules and Dila arrived first so they ordered the lobster platter which consisted of mussels, calamaris, fish & chips, garlic rice and of course a huge lobster! Absolutely fabulous! I loovveee seafood!!
Now, I am not a big fan of mussels but the creamy sauce it was served in was simply delicious. I was asked to try the mussels but it was too much for me. I just couldn't take it. Dila was curious as to how mussels taste like so I forced her to try one. Seriously.. I forced her. She said it was nice and that I should give it a try. Yeah right. After all those crap she was telling me, I caved in and tried one. Let me just say that there ain't gonna be a next time! Oysters I can live with, mussels.. no thanks!
After all the seafood we ate, we were stuffed but I still had room for ice cream so we headed to Baskin-Robbins - I can't live without ice cream. I really can't!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Until The End of Time - Justin Timberlake
Woke up this morning
Heard the TV sayin' something
'Bout disaster in the world and
It made me wonder where I'm going
There's so much darkness in the world
But I see beauty left in you girl
And what you give me makes me know
That I'll be alright
Because if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
You've got me singing
Everybody sing
Everybody singing
No if you're ever wondering
About the way I'm feeling
Well baby girl there ain't no question
Just to be around you is a blessing
Sick and tired of trying to save the world
I just want to spend my time with you girl
And what you're giving me
Makes me know that we'll be alright.
Because if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
You've got me singing
Everybody sing
Everybody singing
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Cause if your love was all I had
In this life
That would be enough
Until the end of time
Heard the TV sayin' something
'Bout disaster in the world and
It made me wonder where I'm going
There's so much darkness in the world
But I see beauty left in you girl
And what you give me makes me know
That I'll be alright
Because if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
You've got me singing
Everybody sing
Everybody singing
No if you're ever wondering
About the way I'm feeling
Well baby girl there ain't no question
Just to be around you is a blessing
Sick and tired of trying to save the world
I just want to spend my time with you girl
And what you're giving me
Makes me know that we'll be alright.
Because if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
You've got me singing
Everybody sing
Everybody singing
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Cause if your love was all I had
In this life
That would be enough
Until the end of time
This is a song by Justin Timberlake. I love this song! I can't get enough of it! Sexylove isn't a fan of JT's so I don't think you've heard of this.. unless it plays on your radio. *smile*
Missing and loving you lots... wonder when I will see your posts?
xxxx
Missing and loving you lots... wonder when I will see your posts?
xxxx
So I was saying...
About changes...
It's just not the cellphone. As I mentioned earlier, Jimmy's last day so we're down to 3 staff so there will be slight changes - nothing Jace and I can't handle. We still have the other 3 jokers *smile* to help us out.
It seems that everyone around me is busy. Busier than I am so I'm planning to add more activities in my life. So here are the activities:
I mean... people don't have time for me.. so I should also make less time for them, right?
EDIT: Also, I am trying to cut down on caffeine. I went without caffeine for 4 whole days then Jace and I went to Pappa..... I caved in for their Iced Coffee!!!!! Aarggh!!! I'm sssoooo weak! But at least I am only having one cup of coffee a day rather than the usual 3 - 4 cups. Which is not the normal coffee you get from the 'mamak stall'. I'm talking about espresso, caramel latte, cappucino... seriously, I gotta stop! I don't want to end up looking older than my age!!!!
Not that the above is an activity but just something I would like to change! No more caffeine!
It's just not the cellphone. As I mentioned earlier, Jimmy's last day so we're down to 3 staff so there will be slight changes - nothing Jace and I can't handle. We still have the other 3 jokers *smile* to help us out.
It seems that everyone around me is busy. Busier than I am so I'm planning to add more activities in my life. So here are the activities:
- Tennis - There's a class for beginners at the SD Club so I'm signing up for that one. I don't think I'm a bad tennis player but it would be nice to learn how to play tennis - the right way.
- Swimming - I'm thinking of doing this 3 times a week at the club. I need to tone and trim my body. I feel disgusted with the flabs - seriously! Gym has been out of the Q for quite some time due to the move and everything else.
- Nieces - Wafi complains that I don't play with her whenever I am free. The thing is, whenever I am free - she wants to play house or whatever her creative mind can think of which most of the time, I'm not in the mood for. So the plan is to spend more time with them by.. taking them out! It'd be a win-win situation for us. I get to go out and they get to spend time with me.
- Read - I have always loved reading books. Any genre works for me but I have been somewhat lazy. I went to Eddie's house the other day and saw a book that I thought was interesting - Sleeping Around - so I borrowed it and have only read the first 3 pages. I'm going to finish that one up and head over to the library for another book and will keep reading books till my eyes bleed. Really. I'm thinking... a book club in the near future.
I mean... people don't have time for me.. so I should also make less time for them, right?
EDIT: Also, I am trying to cut down on caffeine. I went without caffeine for 4 whole days then Jace and I went to Pappa..... I caved in for their Iced Coffee!!!!! Aarggh!!! I'm sssoooo weak! But at least I am only having one cup of coffee a day rather than the usual 3 - 4 cups. Which is not the normal coffee you get from the 'mamak stall'. I'm talking about espresso, caramel latte, cappucino... seriously, I gotta stop! I don't want to end up looking older than my age!!!!
Not that the above is an activity but just something I would like to change! No more caffeine!
Changes and more...
My N71 is being a bitch! It's acting up and I don't like one bit of it! I almost threw the phone to the wall because it was so annoying last few days and wallpaper of my flip display did not turn up and it kept asking me to remove memory card... which is the most annoying thing about it. The thing with N series is that you have to constantly upgrade the software which is a drag for me as I don't have the time to go to the Nokia centre to get it done.
Then Eddie bought I-Phone!!!! Arrrrgghhhh!! It's awesome! So since he has his new I-Phone, I get to use his smartphone - Samsung SGH something. It's slim (to my liking) and kinda wide but it works very well (so far :P) and it's like using a computer, really. I have to get use to it. It's a bit confusing - can't find certain functions but I guess given time, I'll be using it well.
What's going to happen with my N71? Selling it off! I'm done with N series, in fact I'm done with Nokia for now!!
It's Jimmy's last day at work today so all of us had breakfast this morning. Met up with the rest at Pappa and had breakfast, took some pics and now here I am in the office. Will be leaving soon... I didn't get enough sleep. Dad and Eddie came home around 2ish from visiting my granduncle whose wife passed away last evening. It's another shock to all of us as it was just a few weeks ago that they came over to visit me and my father. Grandaunt was looking good - granduncle was the one that wasn't feeling too good but turned out, my grandaunt left first... it's funny how God works, hey?
Well, I'm off to play some cards with these outrageous people!
xoxo
Then Eddie bought I-Phone!!!! Arrrrgghhhh!! It's awesome! So since he has his new I-Phone, I get to use his smartphone - Samsung SGH something. It's slim (to my liking) and kinda wide but it works very well (so far :P) and it's like using a computer, really. I have to get use to it. It's a bit confusing - can't find certain functions but I guess given time, I'll be using it well.
What's going to happen with my N71? Selling it off! I'm done with N series, in fact I'm done with Nokia for now!!
It's Jimmy's last day at work today so all of us had breakfast this morning. Met up with the rest at Pappa and had breakfast, took some pics and now here I am in the office. Will be leaving soon... I didn't get enough sleep. Dad and Eddie came home around 2ish from visiting my granduncle whose wife passed away last evening. It's another shock to all of us as it was just a few weeks ago that they came over to visit me and my father. Grandaunt was looking good - granduncle was the one that wasn't feeling too good but turned out, my grandaunt left first... it's funny how God works, hey?
Well, I'm off to play some cards with these outrageous people!
xoxo
Monday, February 18, 2008
Stages of Grief
I think about what happened on 22/12/07 often. I thought I have accepted my loss but I haven't. I am still in denial and at times, I feel so angry for what happened. I keep telling myself if only I spent more time with her or if only there were signs that she was leaving us, I would have stopped her from going - which was, of course, impossible. Then, I went into depression - didn't feel like talking to or seeing anyone -- sometimes I still feel that way. Those are what Kubler-Ross discovered - stages of grief. For me, personally, I don't see it as stages... more of a cycle of grief.
I have surfed on grieving and as everyone has told me - there are 5 stages of grief:
Honestly, I'm really messed up. I'm in between denial and anger. I have bargained but what's the point of it? I bargained that if I was a lot better in every way that I was - I would have not lost my mother but that didn't make sense to me. Then I told myself - I should change myself to be an even better person so that I won't lose anyone else in the future - but death is not in my hands (unless I ended up being a serial killer -- okay, not funny). I don't think I am ready for whatever that may come so that means I am far from acceptance stage.
When I bring up my mother - some feel offended by it. Why? People grief in different ways. Some go for retail therapy, cry over and over again or some have sex. Really! As for me, it helps me to reach out for support from others. I find comfort in talking about my late mother - the memories I have of her. I tried almost everything from talking about her to keeping myself busy but I still feel greatly about my loss. So yes, it takes time but some people around me just don't get that. They don't get that I am not over it -- it is something I will never get over. It doesn't get easier! It is hard for me.
I mean... come on, how am I going to get through Ramadhan without her? How am I going to get through our birthdays?! Yes, I still have my father, siblings, BF and friends but it isn't the same because I share my birthday with her. Okay, not the same day but a day apart is hard enough already!
There was a time when I didn't want to talk about my late mother at all but that made me even more sad than better. Yes, I thought it would make feel better by not talking about her - oh boy! Was I wrong!!
With her gone, I feel cheated out of time. What will happen to all the things we planned to do together? It wouldn't be the same doing them with someone else. People will say "Oh please, it will be the same" -- you have no idea what you're talking about! It WILL NOT be the same.
Now I am getting angry and upset. It's just not fair!!! I see people out there who do not take good care of their parents but their parents are still around and still love their ungrateful children - yes I know what I am talking about here!
I need therapy!
I have surfed on grieving and as everyone has told me - there are 5 stages of grief:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Honestly, I'm really messed up. I'm in between denial and anger. I have bargained but what's the point of it? I bargained that if I was a lot better in every way that I was - I would have not lost my mother but that didn't make sense to me. Then I told myself - I should change myself to be an even better person so that I won't lose anyone else in the future - but death is not in my hands (unless I ended up being a serial killer -- okay, not funny). I don't think I am ready for whatever that may come so that means I am far from acceptance stage.
When I bring up my mother - some feel offended by it. Why? People grief in different ways. Some go for retail therapy, cry over and over again or some have sex. Really! As for me, it helps me to reach out for support from others. I find comfort in talking about my late mother - the memories I have of her. I tried almost everything from talking about her to keeping myself busy but I still feel greatly about my loss. So yes, it takes time but some people around me just don't get that. They don't get that I am not over it -- it is something I will never get over. It doesn't get easier! It is hard for me.
I mean... come on, how am I going to get through Ramadhan without her? How am I going to get through our birthdays?! Yes, I still have my father, siblings, BF and friends but it isn't the same because I share my birthday with her. Okay, not the same day but a day apart is hard enough already!
There was a time when I didn't want to talk about my late mother at all but that made me even more sad than better. Yes, I thought it would make feel better by not talking about her - oh boy! Was I wrong!!
With her gone, I feel cheated out of time. What will happen to all the things we planned to do together? It wouldn't be the same doing them with someone else. People will say "Oh please, it will be the same" -- you have no idea what you're talking about! It WILL NOT be the same.
Now I am getting angry and upset. It's just not fair!!! I see people out there who do not take good care of their parents but their parents are still around and still love their ungrateful children - yes I know what I am talking about here!
I need therapy!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Just another day?
I woke up feeling lost. I think I had a dream. I can't remember what it was about but I know it had something to do with food - which is not a good thing. Old folks tale is that it means that the dreamer is going to be extremely sick.
Ditto.
I was very quiet on the way to work which I don't think that's anything new to my father. Got to work and I already felt worse.
Jace came to work and we headed out for lunch. Didn't eat much although I was hungry. I didn't talk much although I felt like there is so much that I want to tell her but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I'm not sure why but the thought of being a burden to someone doesn't sound too appealing. I think that is one of the reasons why I don't tell anyone anything much.
Yes they offer their ears but you can tell the ones that just say it for the sake of being nice and those who actually mean it when they utter those words.
I'm not asking for pity. No one will understand my feelings, why I am feeling this way until you're in my shoes. Maybe you're the bigger and better person so you will have it easy... but not everyone is like you.
Ditto.
I was very quiet on the way to work which I don't think that's anything new to my father. Got to work and I already felt worse.
Jace came to work and we headed out for lunch. Didn't eat much although I was hungry. I didn't talk much although I felt like there is so much that I want to tell her but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I'm not sure why but the thought of being a burden to someone doesn't sound too appealing. I think that is one of the reasons why I don't tell anyone anything much.
Yes they offer their ears but you can tell the ones that just say it for the sake of being nice and those who actually mean it when they utter those words.
I'm not asking for pity. No one will understand my feelings, why I am feeling this way until you're in my shoes. Maybe you're the bigger and better person so you will have it easy... but not everyone is like you.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Depression
I've been having a rough a week - more so during the CNY break. I had my grandmother and relatives visiting for the week. Grandmother had hurtful things to say as to why we didn't bury my late mother in her hometown - why didn't we take my late mother's body to gram's place for people to pay their last respect etc - we had our reasons for doing what we did. Would we be able to visit my late mother if we buried her in Penang? No, we wouldn't be and we would all be very miserable. We are the ones that are the closest to her. The only thing I can think of why she's being that way or mean is because of how she treated my late mother and sisters. Not something that I would like to disclose but really, enough already with the drama and let it be. We have done the best we could for my late mother. Just stop with the nagging and putting us down especially my father. He does not deserve it even if you think he does.
This is all taking a toll on me. I have just been so down and still am. I feel so depressed. My grandaunt was admitted last Sunday. She was in the ER when my father and I arrived. It brought back painful memories - it felt as if I was there yet once again with my family around me - waiting for the news from the doctor. It felt claustrophobic. I couldn't breathe and it felt as if the walls were closing on me. I was fearful. I had to hold back my tears as I didn't want to make a scene and definitely didn't want to cry in front of my father and relatives.
I called my brothers and told them where I was. I told one of them how I felt - that I was missing mother and it was painful for me. The feedback I received was "Oh okay". Thanks. I called a few friends and none were available. I just wanted to talk to someone. I'm just different. I move on by talking about my fears. I move forward by talking about my late mother - how wonderful she was and everything else. I just wanted someone to talk to! Everyone says "just call me if you need to talk" - THAT'S FCUKING BS! That's what it is!
I feel so depressed that I browsed the Net for some info. I took a test online by a psychiatrist. Surprise surprise - I am going through major depression. I don't know what I am going to do about that. I really don't.
This is all taking a toll on me. I have just been so down and still am. I feel so depressed. My grandaunt was admitted last Sunday. She was in the ER when my father and I arrived. It brought back painful memories - it felt as if I was there yet once again with my family around me - waiting for the news from the doctor. It felt claustrophobic. I couldn't breathe and it felt as if the walls were closing on me. I was fearful. I had to hold back my tears as I didn't want to make a scene and definitely didn't want to cry in front of my father and relatives.
I called my brothers and told them where I was. I told one of them how I felt - that I was missing mother and it was painful for me. The feedback I received was "Oh okay". Thanks. I called a few friends and none were available. I just wanted to talk to someone. I'm just different. I move on by talking about my fears. I move forward by talking about my late mother - how wonderful she was and everything else. I just wanted someone to talk to! Everyone says "just call me if you need to talk" - THAT'S FCUKING BS! That's what it is!
I feel so depressed that I browsed the Net for some info. I took a test online by a psychiatrist. Surprise surprise - I am going through major depression. I don't know what I am going to do about that. I really don't.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Apologize - One Republic
I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
It's too late to apologize.... it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize.... it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red -
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize.... it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize.... it's too late
It's too late to apologize.... it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize.... it's too late
It's too late to apologize... yeah
I said it's too late to apologize... yeah
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...
One of the songs on repeat on my MP3 *smile*
- Babygirl
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
It's too late to apologize.... it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize.... it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red -
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize.... it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize.... it's too late
It's too late to apologize.... it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize.... it's too late
It's too late to apologize... yeah
I said it's too late to apologize... yeah
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...
One of the songs on repeat on my MP3 *smile*
- Babygirl
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Cloverfield and more
I went to watch 'Cloverfield' yesterday afternoon. My brother's friend kept telling us how good the movie was - as good as LOTR - and that got me very interested so I decided to watch it on my day off.
First of all let me state that 'Cloverfield' is NOTHING like LOTR and it wasn't even close but it was good! I would watch it again but I might not because it is from a first person's perspective so it gives you a bit of a headache with the camera shaking and toppling!
The monster (like I told my friend, they should call it an 'alien' instead) is very alien-like. The ending was good - it left you wanting for more, well at least for me it did that. I thought there was more to it (not going to spoil you people) and when it ended I was like... "WTH?! That was it" - aahh but good movie nonetheless!
One or two actors would be familiar to some of you but the rest are pretty much either newcomers or maybe they are just not good looking people for me to notice in other movies they have acted in. Who knows.
I went to watch it alone and also, had lunch alone and everything else by myself. Do I sound pathetic? Do you think I care?!
Came home with a box of delicious but sinful cupcakes! I bought a dozen and ended up eating only one so brought the rest to Ezy's when we had dinner there.
I have noticed a lot lately whenever I am out that there is a lot of inter-racial marriages here. You don't get too many Malay ladies with White men - I think because White prefers Chinese or Indians but lately, I see a lot of Malay ladies with White guys. I saw a couple at a cafe near my office the other day - I can't say that they are good looking couple but their son is SOOO adorable! He's going to be a heartbreaker, that tiny one! He smiled at me and waved goodbye.... sigh - soooo cute!
Sandy is going to have beautiful babies when she marries Brian *smile*. I bet you're going to get married sooner than I am!!
First of all let me state that 'Cloverfield' is NOTHING like LOTR and it wasn't even close but it was good! I would watch it again but I might not because it is from a first person's perspective so it gives you a bit of a headache with the camera shaking and toppling!
The monster (like I told my friend, they should call it an 'alien' instead) is very alien-like. The ending was good - it left you wanting for more, well at least for me it did that. I thought there was more to it (not going to spoil you people) and when it ended I was like... "WTH?! That was it" - aahh but good movie nonetheless!
One or two actors would be familiar to some of you but the rest are pretty much either newcomers or maybe they are just not good looking people for me to notice in other movies they have acted in. Who knows.
I went to watch it alone and also, had lunch alone and everything else by myself. Do I sound pathetic? Do you think I care?!
Came home with a box of delicious but sinful cupcakes! I bought a dozen and ended up eating only one so brought the rest to Ezy's when we had dinner there.
I have noticed a lot lately whenever I am out that there is a lot of inter-racial marriages here. You don't get too many Malay ladies with White men - I think because White prefers Chinese or Indians but lately, I see a lot of Malay ladies with White guys. I saw a couple at a cafe near my office the other day - I can't say that they are good looking couple but their son is SOOO adorable! He's going to be a heartbreaker, that tiny one! He smiled at me and waved goodbye.... sigh - soooo cute!
Sandy is going to have beautiful babies when she marries Brian *smile*. I bet you're going to get married sooner than I am!!
Monday, February 04, 2008
Exhausting and annoying day...
Left home around 11am and reached HQ around 11:15am. Met Jace there, got the bills from Terence and left for the police station in Kota Damansara.
We were told that it was easier for them if we reported it in Malay - yeah, easy for you - hard for me! When it comes to formal Malay, I am soooo bad at it!! I can't form a full sentence and I can't say it full without sounding like a total retard! I am not proud of it although I do speak Malay well - not very well but people can understand my Malay but they will laugh. *frown*
During my typing out the report, the policeman in charge had a few Qs:
Policeman : Istella.... are you Malay?
Me : Yes, I am....
Policeman : Islam?
Me : Yeesss..... (with a puzzled look on my face)
Jace looked at me - with a screwed up look on her face. Didn't it state on my ID that I am both Malay and Islam?! Just because I don't look like one does not mean I am not one!!! Ggggrrr.... I get that all the time. ALL THE TIME!
So after we were done, we were told to go to Mutiara Damansara to see an Inspector who is charged of investigation so off we went!
We had to bloody wait for him - for about an hour! Jace and I entertained each other by acting out scenes of investigations and interrogations done in the movies. I told her if we ever needed to interrogate someone - I'd be the one throwing the chair around! I just love throwing things around. I can't afford to do that with my things cause... well, they are mine and expensive. LOL. Oh but I do remember the day my mother passed away, I got home from Penang and when I got into the shower - I couldn't take the damn lid off from my shower gel. I was so frustrated and also angry for what happened so I threw the shower gel bottle and it crashed! Felt really good afterward.
So after the Inspector came - which was a big Singh fella - friendly and well, funny. We were pretty scared of him when he made call to the man who was in charge of our cleaners at the office. All went well and our case is under investigation.
I will have to go over to Digi Centre tomorrow to discuss with them about the bill. I hope that won't take long!
We were told that it was easier for them if we reported it in Malay - yeah, easy for you - hard for me! When it comes to formal Malay, I am soooo bad at it!! I can't form a full sentence and I can't say it full without sounding like a total retard! I am not proud of it although I do speak Malay well - not very well but people can understand my Malay but they will laugh. *frown*
During my typing out the report, the policeman in charge had a few Qs:
Policeman : Istella.... are you Malay?
Me : Yes, I am....
Policeman : Islam?
Me : Yeesss..... (with a puzzled look on my face)
Jace looked at me - with a screwed up look on her face. Didn't it state on my ID that I am both Malay and Islam?! Just because I don't look like one does not mean I am not one!!! Ggggrrr.... I get that all the time. ALL THE TIME!
So after we were done, we were told to go to Mutiara Damansara to see an Inspector who is charged of investigation so off we went!
We had to bloody wait for him - for about an hour! Jace and I entertained each other by acting out scenes of investigations and interrogations done in the movies. I told her if we ever needed to interrogate someone - I'd be the one throwing the chair around! I just love throwing things around. I can't afford to do that with my things cause... well, they are mine and expensive. LOL. Oh but I do remember the day my mother passed away, I got home from Penang and when I got into the shower - I couldn't take the damn lid off from my shower gel. I was so frustrated and also angry for what happened so I threw the shower gel bottle and it crashed! Felt really good afterward.
So after the Inspector came - which was a big Singh fella - friendly and well, funny. We were pretty scared of him when he made call to the man who was in charge of our cleaners at the office. All went well and our case is under investigation.
I will have to go over to Digi Centre tomorrow to discuss with them about the bill. I hope that won't take long!
Sunday, February 03, 2008
An eventful day? NOT!
Work was quite hectic today but nothing out of the ordinary. We received call from HQ requesting us to be there on Mon at 11:30am. It turned out to be that they received our Digi phone bill and the amount came up to MYR400, all calls were made to Indonesia. Then we figured - it must have been the cleaner that took our company's cellphone during the when Jace was on vacation and I was on compassionate leave (which turned out to be the Company had no such thing - go figure!).
So over the phone we were asked "Who's going to pay for the bill?" - huh? Look, I for one - will not be paying any amount for calls I clearly did not make. If they asked us to pay, I'm gonna give them a check... a reality check!
So over the phone we were asked "Who's going to pay for the bill?" - huh? Look, I for one - will not be paying any amount for calls I clearly did not make. If they asked us to pay, I'm gonna give them a check... a reality check!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Long awaited update...
Sandy has been bugging me to update my blog. I haven't been free lately to blog and honestly speaking, wasn't really in the mood the past few days/weeks but today, I thought maybe I should blog seeing that work is pretty much non-existent at the moment.
Yesterday was the 40th day of my mother's passing and we held a 'Tahlil' for her. My cousins came - something I really didn't expect. Wati told me about the last few days (especially the day of the wedding) that she got to spent with mum and how my late mother was glowing and so happy and all... that made me cry. Dila bawled like a baby after looking at some recent photos that was developed by another cousin of mine (dad's side). Apart from all the crying - everything went well and we'll have another one on the 100th day.
I cannot stop smiling since morning. I feel extremely happy. I feel like my heart is about to burst! I don't know if anyone can relate to that feeling but it's something really good. Something I wish everyone can experience at least once in their lifetime.
Oh I read on NST last night that Incubus is coming in March! I can't believe the best rock band ever (for me anyway) is coming our way for the second time. I still remember their first concert here few years back and I enjoyed myself to the fullest!!! It was a bit of a disappointment that they didn't play a few of their really good songs from older albums but it was still one hell of a night! I was going freaking ga-ga over Brandon Boyd and drooling over him at that time. Thinking about it now - it was really whacked up! Those were the days. I am thinking of going cause John Legend is performing as well but the thought of staying there the whole day - with all those local bands *barf* - not really my thing so we'll see.
Yesterday was the 40th day of my mother's passing and we held a 'Tahlil' for her. My cousins came - something I really didn't expect. Wati told me about the last few days (especially the day of the wedding) that she got to spent with mum and how my late mother was glowing and so happy and all... that made me cry. Dila bawled like a baby after looking at some recent photos that was developed by another cousin of mine (dad's side). Apart from all the crying - everything went well and we'll have another one on the 100th day.
I cannot stop smiling since morning. I feel extremely happy. I feel like my heart is about to burst! I don't know if anyone can relate to that feeling but it's something really good. Something I wish everyone can experience at least once in their lifetime.
Oh I read on NST last night that Incubus is coming in March! I can't believe the best rock band ever (for me anyway) is coming our way for the second time. I still remember their first concert here few years back and I enjoyed myself to the fullest!!! It was a bit of a disappointment that they didn't play a few of their really good songs from older albums but it was still one hell of a night! I was going freaking ga-ga over Brandon Boyd and drooling over him at that time. Thinking about it now - it was really whacked up! Those were the days. I am thinking of going cause John Legend is performing as well but the thought of staying there the whole day - with all those local bands *barf* - not really my thing so we'll see.
Always and Forever
Basking in the warmth of your smile
And the music of your laugh
I feel your tenderness
And your oh so witty style
I don’t know why God blessed me
With such a wonderful man as you
But it makes my pleasure complete
And very happy too
The way you always know me
And exactly what to do
When my loneliness gets me down
And I’m so very blue
The way you see into my soul
And looked behind my eyes
And I don’t have to hide my feelings
And put on a disguise
With you I learned to trust
And as a person I have grown
Who could have possibly told me
How could I have known
That you would come in to my life
And my beauty would start to bloom
And like a pretty butterfly
Come out of my cocoon
To share your tender heart
The warmness of your smile
The courage of your wisdom
For these I’d walk for miles
To be thinking of a time
When you’d no longer be there
For me to gaze upon in delight
And all our feelings share
Is not acceptable to me
Because in my life
Is where I want you to be
Always and forever.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I am Officially Pissed Off!!!
I was told by Sandy that Noura smokes weed or used to smoke. Wow. Apparently, TJ the exBF was a great influence in her life. She stopped drinking a few years back and started again when she met TJ. Never did weed but tried and hooked on it when she got involved with TJ. So basically she threw her already messed up life away for an idiot who in the first place could care less about her well being. And she loves this guy.
I am pissed off because how can she throw her life away just like that? She may still be alive but still why get involve in something so stupid?? It's bad enough that she doesn't know how to take care of herself! She told Sandy that she's going for medical check up today and will be doing the abortion some other day. WTH?!
This is all beyond my comprehension and really, I am done worrying about her well being. I can't deal with people like Noura who is so effing messed up!!!
I am pissed off because how can she throw her life away just like that? She may still be alive but still why get involve in something so stupid?? It's bad enough that she doesn't know how to take care of herself! She told Sandy that she's going for medical check up today and will be doing the abortion some other day. WTH?!
This is all beyond my comprehension and really, I am done worrying about her well being. I can't deal with people like Noura who is so effing messed up!!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Mummy, we miss you dearly!
I went to visit you earlier, mum. I'm sure you know that, unless you were busy visiting other people *smile*.
I miss you more than I did the first day. There is so much I want to tell you and I miss having you around physically here with all of us. Remember how I used to crack you up with my silly remarks on things we see on TV? Or how we used to stare at fashion victims and giggle away? Aaahhh missed that lots!! Mum, my staff seems to think that I am funny and witty... where do they get that idea?!?
It's one month today and I still can't believe you're gone. I am still coping in my own ways. Oh I found your shawl - my favourite shawl. I was going out of my mind looking for it and daddy told me someone put it in the top drawer of the Ikea drawers. I am so happy someone found it and put it there and I wore it today when I visited you. I will always wear that piece. You liked it on me too. *smile*
Sandy wrote a beautiful piece about you on her blog and she says that you read our blogs... well, not too sure about that but if you do (I don't think you know I have one but being one of the cool people UP there, I suppose you're almost capable of anything?), I want you to know that I love you very much, mummy and I miss you soooo very much. I hope I have made you proud. Most of my friends still can't believe that you're gone and those who I bumped into recently, also daddy's and the brothers' friends when informed - can't stop telling us how amazing of a woman you were, mummy. Remember, you thought people didn't really like you...? well, I can tell and assure you that PEOPLE ADORE YOU TREMENDOUSLY!!! I had friends who wanted to swap their mothers with you, ingat tak??! You know I told them... HELL NO! *smile* Mum, is it okay for me to say "hell no"??
Oh Wafi can tell the time now! She showed on the clock what the time is etc and she has started learning how to read Arabic. I bet she'll finish the Al-Quran first than I do! LC is as smart as ever. She loves daddy's company. I'm happy with the way things turned out between daddy and Ezy but at the same time, it's sad that you are not around with us... and you know what I mean about that.
I wish I could have one last hug with you, mummy. I want that very bad. I miss you. I haven't cried for a few days and right now, I can't stop crying cause I miss you.... I miss you, mummy. Sometimes I feel like I need therapy because of how I feel. At times I am angry at you for leaving us behind but I know God loves you more than the rest of us and He wants you up there with him and then, thinking that - I would be happy but sad still cause I can't have you to hug, kiss and talk to. We had a lot to do - we planned so many things to do and now, they are just untouched memories.
Mummy, I feel in me that you loved all us of unconditionally... asking nothing in return. You always put us before you and we can't thank you enough. I am so sorry I didn't thank you enough when you were around on earth. Daddy is always talking about how good you treated him, always looked out for him, made sure he ate good healthy food.
I know you're looking after us from where you are.
I love you, mummy dearest.
You're one in a million.
I'd be lucky to be half the woman you were.
(Can't see that happening *smile*)
Love and miss you always,
Tya
I miss you more than I did the first day. There is so much I want to tell you and I miss having you around physically here with all of us. Remember how I used to crack you up with my silly remarks on things we see on TV? Or how we used to stare at fashion victims and giggle away? Aaahhh missed that lots!! Mum, my staff seems to think that I am funny and witty... where do they get that idea?!?
It's one month today and I still can't believe you're gone. I am still coping in my own ways. Oh I found your shawl - my favourite shawl. I was going out of my mind looking for it and daddy told me someone put it in the top drawer of the Ikea drawers. I am so happy someone found it and put it there and I wore it today when I visited you. I will always wear that piece. You liked it on me too. *smile*
Sandy wrote a beautiful piece about you on her blog and she says that you read our blogs... well, not too sure about that but if you do (I don't think you know I have one but being one of the cool people UP there, I suppose you're almost capable of anything?), I want you to know that I love you very much, mummy and I miss you soooo very much. I hope I have made you proud. Most of my friends still can't believe that you're gone and those who I bumped into recently, also daddy's and the brothers' friends when informed - can't stop telling us how amazing of a woman you were, mummy. Remember, you thought people didn't really like you...? well, I can tell and assure you that PEOPLE ADORE YOU TREMENDOUSLY!!! I had friends who wanted to swap their mothers with you, ingat tak??! You know I told them... HELL NO! *smile* Mum, is it okay for me to say "hell no"??
Oh Wafi can tell the time now! She showed on the clock what the time is etc and she has started learning how to read Arabic. I bet she'll finish the Al-Quran first than I do! LC is as smart as ever. She loves daddy's company. I'm happy with the way things turned out between daddy and Ezy but at the same time, it's sad that you are not around with us... and you know what I mean about that.
I wish I could have one last hug with you, mummy. I want that very bad. I miss you. I haven't cried for a few days and right now, I can't stop crying cause I miss you.... I miss you, mummy. Sometimes I feel like I need therapy because of how I feel. At times I am angry at you for leaving us behind but I know God loves you more than the rest of us and He wants you up there with him and then, thinking that - I would be happy but sad still cause I can't have you to hug, kiss and talk to. We had a lot to do - we planned so many things to do and now, they are just untouched memories.
Mummy, I feel in me that you loved all us of unconditionally... asking nothing in return. You always put us before you and we can't thank you enough. I am so sorry I didn't thank you enough when you were around on earth. Daddy is always talking about how good you treated him, always looked out for him, made sure he ate good healthy food.
I know you're looking after us from where you are.
I love you, mummy dearest.
You're one in a million.
I'd be lucky to be half the woman you were.
(Can't see that happening *smile*)
Love and miss you always,
Tya
Saving lives... drama of the day!
It's one month today - the passing of my late mother. I went to the grave with daddy and recited some prayers for her. Dad left about 15 mins later for a meeting and I stayed. It dawned upon me that come Eid Mubarak this year, it will only be the two of us. My brothers will probably be going back to their wives' hometowns while dad and I will probably spend it with his siblings. How fun....
After I 'talked' to mummy and cried my eyeballs out, I went to One Utama to meet up with Sandy. As always, she was late. LOL - actually I was way too early so I decided on my own that we catch a movie so I bought two tickets to 'Mad Money'. I had no idea what it was about but seeing that the cast consist of Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes - I thought it shouldn't be too shabby and boy was I right! It turned out to be a really good movie and we enjoyed it very much!!
After we were done with the movie, we had something to eat. I - as always - was hungry and - as always - 2 Libras together isn't good for you, let me tell you that! We were of no help to one another when it comes to decision-making!! I couldn't decide on what to eat and so couldn't Sandy (I wanted Nando's potato salad but the promo was over - so typical!!) so after rounds of "what do you want to eat - up to you whatever you want" - we ended up at Zoup.
The menu was impressive and then, I couldn't decide what to have so I ended up with Pasta Aglia E Olio and Detox juice which is made of Apple, Cucumber, Celery and Mint. Sandy had Pasta Carbonara and OJ.
My pasta was lousy. It is the simplest type of pasta a kid could make and it turned out lousy! How is that possible?! Sandy's Carbonara... don't even let me go there. It tasted like it was burned out! I may not be a good cook but I can cook. Heck! My brothers make really fantastic pasta sauces! After the food that we consumed, I definitely needed to detox!! The meal cost MYR47.something and it wasn't worth it. I wouldn't mind spending more elsewhere.
After the meal, Sandy wanted to take some pictures so we walked around. We needed some fresh air so we opted the outdoor of One U. I saw Starbucks and decided I could use some chocolate drink. So off we went to Starbucks and as always, I ended up with a cake and it was.. Rocky Road! It was okay, I have tried it before but it wasn't as good as the last one I had.
Something tells me - I'm hard to please lately... actually my BF told me that and I kinda see the truth in it lately! LOL.
We left One U around 5 cause Sandy had to be home to talk to her John-John (that sounds kinda wrong, doesn't it?! - lol) and I was pretty tired after all the walking and I was actually down from missing my mother.
So I got home and there were 2 tiny kittens on the road and it broke my heart to see them walking aimlessly. I contemplated whether to take them or not. I went home. I felt guilty and I talked to BF and he said take them if I wanted to, Sandy said I should and my heart... it told me to bloody take care of them already!! Sigh.
Why I contemplated was because I wasn't too sure if I could do it - taking care of them, feeding and cleaning them up as I am pretty lousy at that. Well, I babysit my nieces often but that's totally different - in my opinion anyway. Kittens are.... impossible to take care of especially without their mothers. When we had 2o over cats/kittens, my brothers took care of them. I was only 4 or 5 - what did I know except to play with and cradle them like they were my babies only I realised then I wasn't a cat.... if my religion believed in past lives, I would have been a cat - for sure! I love fish and people say I have cat eyes... go figure!
Anyway, I love animals. I love CATS! Period. I took those tiny kittens in. They were extremely noisy cause they were probably dying of hunger (such a drama queen, aren't I) so I prepared milk, took a new sponge and dipped it in the milk. Voila~! The kittens sucked on them like they've never sucked before!! I bet they haven't and I am very sure their stupid excuse of an owner threw them in the dumpster! They were in a box when I went to get them. I do not understand people like this. Why can't you bloody take them to PAWS or SPCA?! The least they could have done is let mummy cat feed those kittens until they are capable of being on their own and THEN give them away to the shelters. People like this piss me off BIG TIME!
I wiped them clean and now they look fresh. Fresh and clean. Hehe. I am taking them to SPCA with daddy tomorrow. I wish I could keep all three but with the way things are at the moment, we can't afford to have one. I am at work most of the time and dad is either at Ezy's or out with his friends so it isn't the right time yet but I so want a cat and I will definitely make that happen some time later.
After I 'talked' to mummy and cried my eyeballs out, I went to One Utama to meet up with Sandy. As always, she was late. LOL - actually I was way too early so I decided on my own that we catch a movie so I bought two tickets to 'Mad Money'. I had no idea what it was about but seeing that the cast consist of Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes - I thought it shouldn't be too shabby and boy was I right! It turned out to be a really good movie and we enjoyed it very much!!
After we were done with the movie, we had something to eat. I - as always - was hungry and - as always - 2 Libras together isn't good for you, let me tell you that! We were of no help to one another when it comes to decision-making!! I couldn't decide on what to eat and so couldn't Sandy (I wanted Nando's potato salad but the promo was over - so typical!!) so after rounds of "what do you want to eat - up to you whatever you want" - we ended up at Zoup.
The menu was impressive and then, I couldn't decide what to have so I ended up with Pasta Aglia E Olio and Detox juice which is made of Apple, Cucumber, Celery and Mint. Sandy had Pasta Carbonara and OJ.
My pasta was lousy. It is the simplest type of pasta a kid could make and it turned out lousy! How is that possible?! Sandy's Carbonara... don't even let me go there. It tasted like it was burned out! I may not be a good cook but I can cook. Heck! My brothers make really fantastic pasta sauces! After the food that we consumed, I definitely needed to detox!! The meal cost MYR47.something and it wasn't worth it. I wouldn't mind spending more elsewhere.
After the meal, Sandy wanted to take some pictures so we walked around. We needed some fresh air so we opted the outdoor of One U. I saw Starbucks and decided I could use some chocolate drink. So off we went to Starbucks and as always, I ended up with a cake and it was.. Rocky Road! It was okay, I have tried it before but it wasn't as good as the last one I had.
Something tells me - I'm hard to please lately... actually my BF told me that and I kinda see the truth in it lately! LOL.
We left One U around 5 cause Sandy had to be home to talk to her John-John (that sounds kinda wrong, doesn't it?! - lol) and I was pretty tired after all the walking and I was actually down from missing my mother.
So I got home and there were 2 tiny kittens on the road and it broke my heart to see them walking aimlessly. I contemplated whether to take them or not. I went home. I felt guilty and I talked to BF and he said take them if I wanted to, Sandy said I should and my heart... it told me to bloody take care of them already!! Sigh.
Why I contemplated was because I wasn't too sure if I could do it - taking care of them, feeding and cleaning them up as I am pretty lousy at that. Well, I babysit my nieces often but that's totally different - in my opinion anyway. Kittens are.... impossible to take care of especially without their mothers. When we had 2o over cats/kittens, my brothers took care of them. I was only 4 or 5 - what did I know except to play with and cradle them like they were my babies only I realised then I wasn't a cat.... if my religion believed in past lives, I would have been a cat - for sure! I love fish and people say I have cat eyes... go figure!
Anyway, I love animals. I love CATS! Period. I took those tiny kittens in. They were extremely noisy cause they were probably dying of hunger (such a drama queen, aren't I) so I prepared milk, took a new sponge and dipped it in the milk. Voila~! The kittens sucked on them like they've never sucked before!! I bet they haven't and I am very sure their stupid excuse of an owner threw them in the dumpster! They were in a box when I went to get them. I do not understand people like this. Why can't you bloody take them to PAWS or SPCA?! The least they could have done is let mummy cat feed those kittens until they are capable of being on their own and THEN give them away to the shelters. People like this piss me off BIG TIME!
I wiped them clean and now they look fresh. Fresh and clean. Hehe. I am taking them to SPCA with daddy tomorrow. I wish I could keep all three but with the way things are at the moment, we can't afford to have one. I am at work most of the time and dad is either at Ezy's or out with his friends so it isn't the right time yet but I so want a cat and I will definitely make that happen some time later.
Monday, January 21, 2008
I love rainy days!
I really do!! It's raining heavily right now and I wish I could just go outside and get myself wet! Just dancing in the rain and then get sick! Wooohoooo!!!
I am still quite stressful with Noura's situation. She's so friggin' stupid! I am not kidding you cause she has no idea what she wants to do with her baby and life. Okay yeah, she's going for abortion but is taking her own bloody sweet time about it!!!
How can one be so calm about things like this? First of all, how can one take such a big risk?!
Yeah you can tell I am trying out this font stuff...
- Babygirl
I am still quite stressful with Noura's situation. She's so friggin' stupid! I am not kidding you cause she has no idea what she wants to do with her baby and life. Okay yeah, she's going for abortion but is taking her own bloody sweet time about it!!!
How can one be so calm about things like this? First of all, how can one take such a big risk?!
Yeah you can tell I am trying out this font stuff...
- Babygirl
Just trying this out
Last weekend was pretty boring. Nothing much happened. Had dinner with Ezy, Zaiton, LC and dad. Food was lousy except for the Mushroom soup. Yummy.
So it's the beginning of the week. Tomorrow will be exactly one month after my mother's passing. Will be visiting her grave. Sandy is planning to sleep over cause she wants to go as well but it depends on John-John (I think).
I miss Sexylove... LOTS!!
xoxo
- Babygirl
So it's the beginning of the week. Tomorrow will be exactly one month after my mother's passing. Will be visiting her grave. Sandy is planning to sleep over cause she wants to go as well but it depends on John-John (I think).
I miss Sexylove... LOTS!!
xoxo
- Babygirl
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Keep giving until it cost me my sanity....
This is in response to an entry by Sandy. Her entry reminded me of what I went through few years ago. I have only shared this with my late mother, BF and Sandy.
From I was a teenager, I have always been the one that friends call up to share their dissatisfactions, insecurities and what-not in their lives. I was also the one my late mother talked to about her past, how she was treated, what she went through, problems that arise in/during the last few years - I absorbed everything and was always there even when I couldn't - I just made time to be there.
It got to me when I was so depressed about my relationship. I wouldn't eat, I couldn't too - couldn't sleep, wouldn't go out of my room but when I was out - I had a fake smile on my face and even during that moment, I was always available for other people to pour their feelings/emotions - again I absorbed and it took a toll on me. I went through depression. I was not medicated, obviously as I didn't think it was bad enough to seek therapy (not that I am big on therapy) but I read online about depression and I had all the symptoms of Manic Depressive class Bipolar. That scared the hell out of me!
I told my mother about that I couldn't take it anymore. I keep giving my energy to people around me. I kept giving and giving until there was none left for me to go through my days. Thank goodness my late mother was there for me and got me through those dark days of my life. It was scary and it was something I didn't want to go through ever again but guess what... I almost did just today....
As I have written much earlier, I have reconnected my friendship with Sandy. During one of our outings, she told me what Nora was up to. 2007 was a stressful year for Sandy as Nora was hanging on to her for support of all her screwed up views on relationships and well, life. To cut a very long story short, Nora has been dating a Nigerian (not that it matters to me) guy who is physically and mentally abusive. Not cool. I have dated one local guy who was just like that and it was pure hell, I didn't know what I was thinking back then!
From I was a teenager, I have always been the one that friends call up to share their dissatisfactions, insecurities and what-not in their lives. I was also the one my late mother talked to about her past, how she was treated, what she went through, problems that arise in/during the last few years - I absorbed everything and was always there even when I couldn't - I just made time to be there.
It got to me when I was so depressed about my relationship. I wouldn't eat, I couldn't too - couldn't sleep, wouldn't go out of my room but when I was out - I had a fake smile on my face and even during that moment, I was always available for other people to pour their feelings/emotions - again I absorbed and it took a toll on me. I went through depression. I was not medicated, obviously as I didn't think it was bad enough to seek therapy (not that I am big on therapy) but I read online about depression and I had all the symptoms of Manic Depressive class Bipolar. That scared the hell out of me!
I told my mother about that I couldn't take it anymore. I keep giving my energy to people around me. I kept giving and giving until there was none left for me to go through my days. Thank goodness my late mother was there for me and got me through those dark days of my life. It was scary and it was something I didn't want to go through ever again but guess what... I almost did just today....
As I have written much earlier, I have reconnected my friendship with Sandy. During one of our outings, she told me what Nora was up to. 2007 was a stressful year for Sandy as Nora was hanging on to her for support of all her screwed up views on relationships and well, life. To cut a very long story short, Nora has been dating a Nigerian (not that it matters to me) guy who is physically and mentally abusive. Not cool. I have dated one local guy who was just like that and it was pure hell, I didn't know what I was thinking back then!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Mama - Il Divo
Mama, thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love, you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed along the way [along the way]
And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, yeah I miss you
Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong, Dry your eyes [dry your eyes]
Cause I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, I miss you
Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed along the way [along the way]
Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama
I heard this song in the car on my way out earlier today. I had to hold back my tears as my father was with me. I can't let him see or hear me cry cause that will make him cry. The words to this song pretty much dead on. I am who I am today because of her and my father. I truly owe it all to them for giving me the best education, a roof over my head, the support that I need(ed), the unconditional love and care they have for me.
My mother was a housewife. She used to work during her younger years but she once told me her life was more fulfilling when she became a housewife. It made her happy to be home with her children, see them grow up, nurturing and teaching them good values in life.
It's a full time job - being a stay at home mother. I don't know if I could be one but seeing how my mother managed it all, it is slowly becoming to me... I'm practically doing half the things she used to do except for the cooking part (for now) and it's really tiring but really worth it. Not that I am married with kids but doing house chores are really friggin' tiring especially the mopping and cleaning up. The washing and folding... *phew*!
Mum, you're truly the BEST!!!
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love, you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed along the way [along the way]
And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, yeah I miss you
Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong, Dry your eyes [dry your eyes]
Cause I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, I miss you
Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed along the way [along the way]
Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama
I heard this song in the car on my way out earlier today. I had to hold back my tears as my father was with me. I can't let him see or hear me cry cause that will make him cry. The words to this song pretty much dead on. I am who I am today because of her and my father. I truly owe it all to them for giving me the best education, a roof over my head, the support that I need(ed), the unconditional love and care they have for me.
My mother was a housewife. She used to work during her younger years but she once told me her life was more fulfilling when she became a housewife. It made her happy to be home with her children, see them grow up, nurturing and teaching them good values in life.
It's a full time job - being a stay at home mother. I don't know if I could be one but seeing how my mother managed it all, it is slowly becoming to me... I'm practically doing half the things she used to do except for the cooking part (for now) and it's really tiring but really worth it. Not that I am married with kids but doing house chores are really friggin' tiring especially the mopping and cleaning up. The washing and folding... *phew*!
Mum, you're truly the BEST!!!
I wish..
Mummy... I wish you were around to advice me. I'm so weak right now. I miss you soo much... why did you leave me? There is so much that I still need to learn from you.... I miss you, mum... I miss having your arms around me when I break down and cry...
I miss talking to you....
I miss talking to you....
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Fly Me To The Moon
Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you
I am so hooked on this song. It's on repeat on the player of the car. I keep listening to it and singing it - when I am taking a shower, watching TV, working... almost all the time! It is really stuck in my head!! Woohooo!!
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you
I am so hooked on this song. It's on repeat on the player of the car. I keep listening to it and singing it - when I am taking a shower, watching TV, working... almost all the time! It is really stuck in my head!! Woohooo!!
Food tasting
Yesterday, Jace and I tried out a new cafe around the corner of our office building. Okay, not exactly around the corner - it was about 2 blocks of buildings away from ours - so it was about 3 min walk from the office - give and take. Anyway, the place is called Pappa Kopitiam (why?!) and serves eastern and east meets west dishes. The usual 'roti bakar' which we tried and it was not so bad.
I had 'Assam Laksa' - it turned out to be yummylicious! It was definitely worth the cash. Jace had 'Curry Mee' which was really delicious too. The drinks were made to perfection - Iced black coffee for me and she had iced coffee with milk - YUMMY. Seriously. They were tasty!!
Then for lunch (the above was for breakfast) - we went to the same place and I had the Chicken Chop which was served with Garlic Fried Rice - okay, the Chicken Chop, not good at all but the fried rice... YYUMMMYYY!! Jace had the 'Assam Laksa' this time cause she loved it so much the first time from trying mine and well, she ended up finishing mine.
This is how the place (just the outside though - I didn't have the time to take more pics) and food look like...
The break down :
Assam Laksa - RM6.20
Curry Mee - RM6.80
Roti Bakar - RM3.20
Kopi O - RM2.60
Kopi - RM3.20
5% Serv Chg - RM1.12
_______
Total - RM23.42
_______
Not bad at all. Can't remember how much lunch cost cause Jace paid for that but it must have been below RM30. We eat a lot for small bodies like ours. *smile*.
Later that evening, Ezy, Zaiton, LC and daddy picked me up from work. Went to Jusco in Kepong (which will be the last time for me!!! - so not my place!) to get some groceries and my SIL went to get some new outfits for LC. Dad and I walked around - place was jam-packed with a lot of people, I kid you not!! It was so hard for me to breathe - I felt so icky. It would have been different if we were in OU or The Curve - my two favourite places to shop!
So an hour later, we headed back to Ezy's. El and Jules came over and Ezy grilled some burgers. He plans to open up his own food business - something long the lines of 1901 (just better I would say!) - with his own sauces. So last night, Ezy and Zaiton prepared 4 different sauces for us to try.... okay, even if I was not related to my brother, I would still say that they did a brilliant job at it! That man can cook, I tell you!!
One sauce was the Carbonara which went brilliantly with the beef patty that my brother made himself. My SIL added mustard to the sauce (that would be sauce #2) - here's the thing, I am not really a fan of mustard but it went down very well with Carbonara which was something new for me. Topping #3 would be the Caramelised Onions - nothing new, have always been my favourite and it went well with the beef patty just that the bread was a bit off - the bread he usually uses was not in market or something.
Jules and I came up with a conclusion that although the sauces were tasty and went down friggin' well with the beef patty - it would have tasted better if the bread was right and beef patty was thicker. Ezy is still testing the size of the burgers and what not so I'm sure there will be more food tasting in the near future. By the time sauce #4 was ready, I was too tired and sleepy - it was almost 00:34 - so dad and I decided to leave for home.
I texted him in the early afternoon and received no reply whatsoever. I don't know if it was right for me to feel hurt but I did anyway.
I had 'Assam Laksa' - it turned out to be yummylicious! It was definitely worth the cash. Jace had 'Curry Mee' which was really delicious too. The drinks were made to perfection - Iced black coffee for me and she had iced coffee with milk - YUMMY. Seriously. They were tasty!!
Then for lunch (the above was for breakfast) - we went to the same place and I had the Chicken Chop which was served with Garlic Fried Rice - okay, the Chicken Chop, not good at all but the fried rice... YYUMMMYYY!! Jace had the 'Assam Laksa' this time cause she loved it so much the first time from trying mine and well, she ended up finishing mine.
This is how the place (just the outside though - I didn't have the time to take more pics) and food look like...
The break down :
Assam Laksa - RM6.20
Curry Mee - RM6.80
Roti Bakar - RM3.20
Kopi O - RM2.60
Kopi - RM3.20
5% Serv Chg - RM1.12
_______
Total - RM23.42
_______
Not bad at all. Can't remember how much lunch cost cause Jace paid for that but it must have been below RM30. We eat a lot for small bodies like ours. *smile*.
Later that evening, Ezy, Zaiton, LC and daddy picked me up from work. Went to Jusco in Kepong (which will be the last time for me!!! - so not my place!) to get some groceries and my SIL went to get some new outfits for LC. Dad and I walked around - place was jam-packed with a lot of people, I kid you not!! It was so hard for me to breathe - I felt so icky. It would have been different if we were in OU or The Curve - my two favourite places to shop!
So an hour later, we headed back to Ezy's. El and Jules came over and Ezy grilled some burgers. He plans to open up his own food business - something long the lines of 1901 (just better I would say!) - with his own sauces. So last night, Ezy and Zaiton prepared 4 different sauces for us to try.... okay, even if I was not related to my brother, I would still say that they did a brilliant job at it! That man can cook, I tell you!!
One sauce was the Carbonara which went brilliantly with the beef patty that my brother made himself. My SIL added mustard to the sauce (that would be sauce #2) - here's the thing, I am not really a fan of mustard but it went down very well with Carbonara which was something new for me. Topping #3 would be the Caramelised Onions - nothing new, have always been my favourite and it went well with the beef patty just that the bread was a bit off - the bread he usually uses was not in market or something.
Jules and I came up with a conclusion that although the sauces were tasty and went down friggin' well with the beef patty - it would have tasted better if the bread was right and beef patty was thicker. Ezy is still testing the size of the burgers and what not so I'm sure there will be more food tasting in the near future. By the time sauce #4 was ready, I was too tired and sleepy - it was almost 00:34 - so dad and I decided to leave for home.
I texted him in the early afternoon and received no reply whatsoever. I don't know if it was right for me to feel hurt but I did anyway.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Fantastic news!
I was told that little angel #2 is better than ever and now able to hear perfectly. It must have been an exciting morning and the best day ever in your life, my love. What a way to start off the new year, hey? I can just see you smiling broadly and that no one can wipe it off your handsome face! Wish I was there with you in times like this. Just so you know, you and your kids are always in my heart.
xxx
- Babylove
xxx
- Babylove
She thought highly of you...
First of all, thank you so much for your entry! It really touched my heart and I couldn't stop my tears reading it. I'm happy to know that you loved her even though you both got to know each other via emails and that one phone call.
My mother did think highly of you, my love and she was very happy to know that the reason I have been more cheerful than ever was because of you. It is sad that there wouldn't be a second phone call to her anymore but for me, it's enough that she got the chance to talk to you that one time. She was smiling the whole evening too, that I remember very much.
It's been 20 days now and I am still missing mother just as much since the first day she left all of us. I think about her day and night - how she used to nag about my not eating breakfast, our mother-daughter talks - I miss that so much as I have so many things I want to tell her. Good and bad. I know I can 'talk' to her but it's just not the same. She had the best advice and was always willing to listen to me at at any time. I miss making silly remarks and hearing her silly comebacks.
I miss her smile... smell... voice. I miss her cooking! Gosh I miss that so very much. It isn't the same as eating out - even if we ate a place that serves the same type of dishes. She taught me a few dishes but again, it wouldn't be the same even if I cooked it although I was told my curry was tastier *smile* - it wouldn't have been if it wasn't for my mother.
I miss her very much today... but I know my father misses her more.
- Babylove
My mother did think highly of you, my love and she was very happy to know that the reason I have been more cheerful than ever was because of you. It is sad that there wouldn't be a second phone call to her anymore but for me, it's enough that she got the chance to talk to you that one time. She was smiling the whole evening too, that I remember very much.
It's been 20 days now and I am still missing mother just as much since the first day she left all of us. I think about her day and night - how she used to nag about my not eating breakfast, our mother-daughter talks - I miss that so much as I have so many things I want to tell her. Good and bad. I know I can 'talk' to her but it's just not the same. She had the best advice and was always willing to listen to me at at any time. I miss making silly remarks and hearing her silly comebacks.
I miss her smile... smell... voice. I miss her cooking! Gosh I miss that so very much. It isn't the same as eating out - even if we ate a place that serves the same type of dishes. She taught me a few dishes but again, it wouldn't be the same even if I cooked it although I was told my curry was tastier *smile* - it wouldn't have been if it wasn't for my mother.
I miss her very much today... but I know my father misses her more.
- Babylove
Monday, January 07, 2008
I loved her too........
Although I never had the PREVILEGE of meeting your mother, my babygirl, I did love her too......Out of the bit of communication I had with her via e-mail, and of the way you always spoke about her, I knew that I loved her too......and I also knew we would get along very well, would we ever get the chance to meet !!
I think what made me the saddest of all, when I heard she was no longer with us, was that I would never get the chance to meet her......and she will never meet me ! xxx
I really loved you Nora.....I really enjoyed our e-mails and I will ALWAYS miss them.....I am soooo angry with myself, for not calling you for a 2nd time, so we could talk more than we did that first time !! I am so sorry for not calling again....xx
I really love your daughter & I will love her for a very long time still........and I will look after her to the best of my ability!!
With all my love.....xxxx
I think what made me the saddest of all, when I heard she was no longer with us, was that I would never get the chance to meet her......and she will never meet me ! xxx
I really loved you Nora.....I really enjoyed our e-mails and I will ALWAYS miss them.....I am soooo angry with myself, for not calling you for a 2nd time, so we could talk more than we did that first time !! I am so sorry for not calling again....xx
I really love your daughter & I will love her for a very long time still........and I will look after her to the best of my ability!!
With all my love.....xxxx
Sunday, January 06, 2008
When You're Gone
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on my floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me
Yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
I heard this song a couple of months ago and was totally hooked on it. I would listen to it almost every day and hum it now and then. When I watched the video, I cried especially the part where this old man was remembering his late wife. That really touched my heart... now, whenever this song comes on - I'd switch channels because just hearing the start of the song, would make me cry. This song is something I can relate to since the demise of my mother. All the members of my family can. Eddie told me this evening that just a few days ago (if I remember it correctly), he was singing it and then the thought of our mother and how much he is missing her... he ended up crying. I know what he was talking about.
El texted me a few minutes ago that he misses mummy. So do I. An hour or so ago, daddy and I got home from Ezy's. I unlocked the front door and I pictured mummy - greeting us at the door... just like she used to. Washing the dishes, reminds me of her - standing at one corner or just on the other side of the kitchen talking to me.
I posted about the ring that I really like - thinking about it now, I wish I had shared with her the website. I'm sure she would love the ring. When I showed her my ring, she said it was very pretty. I told her that someone said the ring I am wearing now isn't 'big' - my mother was appalled by that and I told her, it's okay cause it's not how big or expensive it is but what's important is what it symbolizes and who it's from. I remember what my mother said to that - "I have brought you up pretty well, I am proud that you think that way". My mother and father did bring me and my brothers up very well, I'd like to think so anyway.
I miss my mother so much. I know we all have to move on but I just need some time. I wasn't mentally prepared to go back to work (I'm still not quite prepared!) but I had to... and it is taking a toll on me as I couldn't really concentrate on work for the past few days.
I don't remember having a picture taken of my mother and I together... not recently and at this moment, it's something that I regret not having!
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on my floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me
Yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
I heard this song a couple of months ago and was totally hooked on it. I would listen to it almost every day and hum it now and then. When I watched the video, I cried especially the part where this old man was remembering his late wife. That really touched my heart... now, whenever this song comes on - I'd switch channels because just hearing the start of the song, would make me cry. This song is something I can relate to since the demise of my mother. All the members of my family can. Eddie told me this evening that just a few days ago (if I remember it correctly), he was singing it and then the thought of our mother and how much he is missing her... he ended up crying. I know what he was talking about.
El texted me a few minutes ago that he misses mummy. So do I. An hour or so ago, daddy and I got home from Ezy's. I unlocked the front door and I pictured mummy - greeting us at the door... just like she used to. Washing the dishes, reminds me of her - standing at one corner or just on the other side of the kitchen talking to me.
I posted about the ring that I really like - thinking about it now, I wish I had shared with her the website. I'm sure she would love the ring. When I showed her my ring, she said it was very pretty. I told her that someone said the ring I am wearing now isn't 'big' - my mother was appalled by that and I told her, it's okay cause it's not how big or expensive it is but what's important is what it symbolizes and who it's from. I remember what my mother said to that - "I have brought you up pretty well, I am proud that you think that way". My mother and father did bring me and my brothers up very well, I'd like to think so anyway.
I miss my mother so much. I know we all have to move on but I just need some time. I wasn't mentally prepared to go back to work (I'm still not quite prepared!) but I had to... and it is taking a toll on me as I couldn't really concentrate on work for the past few days.
I don't remember having a picture taken of my mother and I together... not recently and at this moment, it's something that I regret not having!
I'm bitten by the ring bug!
I have no idea what is wrong with me but I am so obsessed with wedding rings right now. I have never been so obsessed with one before, I kid you not!
I think it all started from this ring I am wearing right now and also a site on 'synthetic' diamonds which came with a lot of different designs that could make any sane woman go insane! I saw only a few pages but I kept going back to the one that caught my eyes instantly when I opened the page. It is one hell of a beautiful ring!!! I am not so much of a girly girl type (or I would like to think so and well, a lot of people have said so) but gee whizz... I am going gaga over this ring.
I will post an image on it as soon as I get home!
Sexylove, I miss you and you better be trying to get hold of me today!
xxx
- Babylove
I think it all started from this ring I am wearing right now and also a site on 'synthetic' diamonds which came with a lot of different designs that could make any sane woman go insane! I saw only a few pages but I kept going back to the one that caught my eyes instantly when I opened the page. It is one hell of a beautiful ring!!! I am not so much of a girly girl type (or I would like to think so and well, a lot of people have said so) but gee whizz... I am going gaga over this ring.
I will post an image on it as soon as I get home!
Sexylove, I miss you and you better be trying to get hold of me today!
xxx
- Babylove
Friday, January 04, 2008
Happy 36th Birthday, Sexylove!!
In some parts of the world, TOMORROW is already TODAY and TODAY is YESTERDAY. In other parts of the world, today is YESTERDAY and TOMORROW will be TODAY... so who's to say I missed your birthday??
xxx
Yes, I just had to mention your age! :P
This is my second year wishing you Happy Birthday. Last time was obviously, last year. I wish I was there with you celebrating every minute of your birthday - watching cricket (I'd probably doze off or I'd be listening to your explanation of the game - my bet is on the latter), you cooking for me (wait.. it should be the other way around, right??) and shopping... (wait.... this is your birthday, sorry!) no, I mean golfing or anything my baby wants to do! *I pretty much have a good idea what it is!*
I hope your day was filled with lots of love, happiness and laughter. I'm sure you had a great day and time. Again, I wish I was there with you but this is how it is for now... but who knows in the future - we might just celebrate your birthday and other special occasions together, right?
I love you and hope good things will come your way not just on your birthday but throughout your whole lifetime!
xxx
- Babylove
xxx
Yes, I just had to mention your age! :P
This is my second year wishing you Happy Birthday. Last time was obviously, last year. I wish I was there with you celebrating every minute of your birthday - watching cricket (I'd probably doze off or I'd be listening to your explanation of the game - my bet is on the latter), you cooking for me (wait.. it should be the other way around, right??) and shopping... (wait.... this is your birthday, sorry!) no, I mean golfing or anything my baby wants to do! *I pretty much have a good idea what it is!*
I hope your day was filled with lots of love, happiness and laughter. I'm sure you had a great day and time. Again, I wish I was there with you but this is how it is for now... but who knows in the future - we might just celebrate your birthday and other special occasions together, right?
I love you and hope good things will come your way not just on your birthday but throughout your whole lifetime!
xxx
- Babylove
Coping
As I sat watching you on the bed,
A million thoughts ran through my head.
Of just how much were you aware...
Did you know that we were there?
Could you feel the love I sent,
In whispered words or the prayers we sent?
To spare your life for my selfish cause?
So that I could tell you just once more,
"I love you, Mummy! " as I had before - so many times,
And we could chat like days of old,
Over coffee cups all rimmed with gold.
And laugh and joke, or just to share
some small hurt and perhaps a tear.
To talk of the past, or things yet to do.
To sniffle, and sneeze, and say "Alhamdulillah! "
All these dreams now hang in shreds,
As I sit here with bowed down head.
And ponder on these sad thoughts...
Of how I would not have you in my life as it was.
Mummy,
I miss you sooo much, mum. I think of you day and night. We pray for you day and night for we know in Islam, there are three things that you take with you when you passed on and one of it is prayers from your loved ones.
I wish I could just talk to you right now as I am having a hard time. I know I shouldn't be mad but it's just not fair that you are not here right now... I need you badly, mummy....
A million thoughts ran through my head.
Of just how much were you aware...
Did you know that we were there?
Could you feel the love I sent,
In whispered words or the prayers we sent?
To spare your life for my selfish cause?
So that I could tell you just once more,
"I love you, Mummy! " as I had before - so many times,
And we could chat like days of old,
Over coffee cups all rimmed with gold.
And laugh and joke, or just to share
some small hurt and perhaps a tear.
To talk of the past, or things yet to do.
To sniffle, and sneeze, and say "Alhamdulillah! "
All these dreams now hang in shreds,
As I sit here with bowed down head.
And ponder on these sad thoughts...
Of how I would not have you in my life as it was.
Mummy,
I miss you sooo much, mum. I think of you day and night. We pray for you day and night for we know in Islam, there are three things that you take with you when you passed on and one of it is prayers from your loved ones.
I wish I could just talk to you right now as I am having a hard time. I know I shouldn't be mad but it's just not fair that you are not here right now... I need you badly, mummy....
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
My reply to Sexylove
Wow - What a crazy end to the year, but all-in-all a good end to it.....or what do you think my Love?? I think we got through it all really well, don't you think ? 'smile' THANK YOU for your love, support and for trying real hard to be patient, etc.....I know it wasn't always easy!!
It was a crazy, intense, sad and emotional end to the year. Can't really say it was a good end but we did go through it all together and the end of 2007 has brought us closer to each other more than ever - emotionally and mentally.
I THANK YOU for being there for me -- your love and support have made me stronger in dealing with my loss. Yeah yeah - I tried REAL hard to be patient... *smile*
Firstly, I have to apologise to my Babygirl for leaving her all alone on here for some time now - I know she understands why I have not been on here for the last few weeks, and I just wanted to say to you my love - YOU ARE REALLY AMAZING !!!
It's a known fact that WE ARE BOTH REALLY AMAZING!!! *smile* Aren't we full of ourselves? I know - your answer would be -- "No, Babygirl... YOU are full of yourself" -- *smile*
I miss you and have missed US the last few weeks - more and more than before ! Thank you for being there for me, almost 'all' the time...'smile' I love you for that.....xxx
Almost 'all' the time... you know very well it's impossible to be there for you ALL the time, given the situation - *smile*. I have missed you as well and again, we have established that during our phone conversations during your 2 week vacation.
If you knew how much I need to look in your eyes right this moment, to tell you how much I need you - and how much I love you Babygirl - If you had to really know, I am sure you would not be able to handle it....xx I know, cause I am struggling to control the feelings myself.....
Nicely said! I can assure you that I feel the same way. All the things you're feeling - missing, loving, hoping, wanting, wishing - I feel it too! It's really hard being thousand miles away from each other and sometimes. I'm sorry for not being able to cope with it... it's just too hard at times.
I want you to enjoy your time with the family over these coming few day's and weeks......say hi to them all for me please? Ask them to please look after you for me, cause I don't think you can do it yourself all the time 'smile'
My family takes good care of me - don't worry about that! Hey, I am capable of taking good care of myself, thank you very much! :P
Baby......I LOVE YOU so much......and I miss the hell out of you right now.....I need to have you here with me soon...VERY soon !! xxx
Me three!! I LOVE YOU endlessly and I miss you so very much! I miss looking at you! I miss your silly jokes and I miss your silly self more!! *smile* I need you too and believe me, I need you more than ever now...
THANK YOU for loving, caring and praying for me. You are the GREATEST thing that has EVER happened to me, my love!
Hope to see you back here on Monday!
xxx
- Babylove
You - Switchfoot
There's always something in the way
There's always something getting through
But it's not me ... it's You
Sometime's ignorance rings true
But hope is not in what I know
Not in me ... it's in You
It's all I know
And I find peace when I'm confused
I find hope when I'm let down
Not in me ... but in You
I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me ... It's You
It's all I know
There's always something getting through
But it's not me ... it's You
Sometime's ignorance rings true
But hope is not in what I know
Not in me ... it's in You
It's all I know
And I find peace when I'm confused
I find hope when I'm let down
Not in me ... but in You
I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me ... It's You
It's all I know
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!
I had an amazing NYE with my family and Sandy. Jules booked a suite in one of the hotels in the city to watch the fireworks. The suite was suh-weeeet (lol)!
We arrived around 10ish and had 'nasi lemak' - yummy. Played with my 3 little angels! We did a video but dear Sandy accidentally deleted it (it's okay.. there's always a next NYE :P). Wanted to post the video on our YouTube but alas! that would not happen... :P.
Anyway... I'm kinda in a cynical mood and there's a movie on TV I'm gonna watch so signing off with a very Happy New Year to everyone!
We arrived around 10ish and had 'nasi lemak' - yummy. Played with my 3 little angels! We did a video but dear Sandy accidentally deleted it (it's okay.. there's always a next NYE :P). Wanted to post the video on our YouTube but alas! that would not happen... :P.
Anyway... I'm kinda in a cynical mood and there's a movie on TV I'm gonna watch so signing off with a very Happy New Year to everyone!
