Keep giving until it cost me my sanity....

This is in response to an entry by Sandy. Her entry reminded me of what I went through few years ago. I have only shared this with my late mother, BF and Sandy.

From I was a teenager, I have always been the one that friends call up to share their dissatisfactions, insecurities and what-not in their lives. I was also the one my late mother talked to about her past, how she was treated, what she went through, problems that arise in/during the last few years - I absorbed everything and was always there even when I couldn't - I just made time to be there.

It got to me when I was so depressed about my relationship. I wouldn't eat, I couldn't too - couldn't sleep, wouldn't go out of my room but when I was out - I had a fake smile on my face and even during that moment, I was always available for other people to pour their feelings/emotions - again I absorbed and it took a toll on me. I went through depression. I was not medicated, obviously as I didn't think it was bad enough to seek therapy (not that I am big on therapy) but I read online about depression and I had all the symptoms of Manic Depressive class Bipolar. That scared the hell out of me!

I told my mother about that I couldn't take it anymore. I keep giving my energy to people around me. I kept giving and giving until there was none left for me to go through my days. Thank goodness my late mother was there for me and got me through those dark days of my life. It was scary and it was something I didn't want to go through ever again but guess what... I almost did just today....

As I have written much earlier, I have reconnected my friendship with Sandy. During one of our outings, she told me what Nora was up to. 2007 was a stressful year for Sandy as Nora was hanging on to her for support of all her screwed up views on relationships and well, life. To cut a very long story short, Nora has been dating a Nigerian (not that it matters to me) guy who is physically and mentally abusive. Not cool. I have dated one local guy who was just like that and it was pure hell, I didn't know what I was thinking back then!