I just had the worst morning ever this week! I think the worst morning ever for months! I didn't sleep well - in fact, no sleep at all - when I finally dozed off, the alarm went off. I wanted to come in late to work today but with the guests visiting, that would be impossible. Well, possible if my partner in crime was not on medical leave. So I had to be at work by 11:30am as the guests are coming at 12:00pm.
I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked horrible! Eye-bags and my eyes were puffy. What a sight! Took a shower, got myself ready and went downstairs. Greeted my parents and in return, I was greeted by QN with a big sloppy kiss! Aaahhh.. what a way to start my morning - and I do mean it in a good way! I thought to myself - okay, this is going to be a good morning for me! Yippee! So had coffee and mummy was hovering over me to eat my breakfast but really, I wasn't in the mood for anything except coffee.
As I was putting my things together, I realised that my office keys are not with me. I must have left it in the office. I was right. So with MPIC on medical leave, I was the only one available to open for the day. Huh... how the hell am I gonna get my keys when it's INSIDE the office?? I didn't panic - I rarely panic - so what I did was, I called AGM and arranged to meet him at the HQ to get his spare keys. That was settled. So daddy drove me to the airport, I mean to the HQ (where did the airport come from??) and I got there by 11:30am. From my house to the HQ is 10mins and from the HQ to my academy - 15mins. So I had time. Time was on my side, baby!! Oh yeah!!! So AGM and I exchanged some funnies and left for the academy. I'll get there on time. I just know I will get there in time.
Not!! It is so typical that at the time I am rushing, there was a massive traffic ahead. So to avoid getting into it, daddy decided to take another turn which turned out to be the wrong way. *smile*. I couldn't say anything because daddy is always right - no matter what! So I just sat in the quietly fuming. I can't say enough how pissed off I was. Not at daddy but at myself for not speaking up and told him that he got it the wrong way. Why didn't I? Well, I didn't want to make things worse by arguing with him and I really wasn't in the mood for another misunderstanding or whatever you call it.
We finally reached the academy at 12:10pm. I got out the car and daddy said "I'm sorry I made you late for work" and I know he meant it. So I got in, gave him a hug and told him, I'll be fine.
That would be the end of my horrible start of the day, right? No way. I unlocked the academy, got everything together and who came barging in? My big boss. He just had to tell me how the guests are already here earlier and went home because they waited too long. 10mins is a long wait but come on, it wasn't like I did for fun of being late. It's not something I decide as I wake up in the morning and think - "hey, let's be late today and just screw up the guests. Oooh.. that's a load of fun!!". Fine, I apologised - again after texting him earlier about being slightly late.
Then after the guests left (apparently, they didn't leave - they just went to have lunch at a nearby restaurant), he had asked me to do a notice which I had made a note about it. With all the other things happening and short of staff at that time, I was doing 3 things at once. When he asked for the notice - I was about to do it so I wasn't surprised when I was lectured about not doing things on time. I had lost my patience so I snapped at him. I can't be doing EVERYTHING at one time, you know. I'm so tired, upset, sleepy... I was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. He didn't have to add on to my feeling bad enough about being late.
I really hope my evening will turn out for the better. I really can't take it anymore. I'm almost on the verge of breaking down...
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
My thoughts
Times sure have changed. Where commitment and values have evolved as limited priorities. Once upon a time, people really enjoyed each other. It was the simple pleasures that made commitment and value the highest of priorities. Spouses seemed to value each other and respect each other more in yesterday’s society than today.
Today’s world has become so materialistic that it seems that spouses in marriage have now become the object and are treated as such. Focus on growing together seems forgotten. Fast pace and changes in the world have no doubt created a hell of a lot more stress and striving to keep up with it all, thus everyone’s energy is pulled in all directions and becomes lost where it truly matters, in the family.
Sure! I do believe there are marriages that will survive and do make it to “death do us part” and are truly happy. I don’t feel in today’s world there are many. Not from all these posts I have read on a forum I frequent recently. It is very sad to read what these women and even some men are going through in their marriages.
Of all the couples I know, and there are many, it is very disheartening to hear their stories. Some that I know have been together for 25 –30 years and have openly said “it’s been a struggle” and we are not happy and have not been for years. Some have even said “I should have left a long time ago” and many have stated I stayed for the kids or financial reasons. Most have had affairs and some have not! Now they look back and view their life with their spouse as hauntingly frightening as retirement years approach. They dread the days to come of having their spouse as what they referred to as “a piece of the furniture” because they said their feelings have died and cannot be recovered.
No wonder some of my friends, even myself at one point dread the idea of getting married. Even my third brother hated the idea but hey, when he met his wife - he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and I can really see that happening between the two of them. It saddens me that those people I know who are going through a rough time in their marriages don't have what my brothers and some of my relatives have. My ex's parents' marriage was arranged by their families and it turned out well. They are still together after 30 years. My parents married each other for almost 40 years now and they have gone through a lot. They worked through their rough times and that is what I want in my marriage.
I was told that feelings change and so do people. I get that. I really do but there is also people who do not change and that includes their feelings. I don't change easily. My feelings usually stay the same. Only if my man hurt me in ways that I cannot forgive that my feelings for him will change then and even that, it will take almost forever!
I read a lot today on relationships/marriages and such. Now, I have never been the one to talk or discuss certain issues because I dislike it. For me, every time a certain issue is being discussed, it will end up in a big argument or it will lead to a misunderstanding. That is where I am wrong. With discussing matters with your loved one, you make your relationship with your partner a better one. Okay so I didn't exactly learned THAT part today, I actually learned it in Cape Town. *smile*. It's just that, after my trip to CT - I realised (today, in fact) that I have somewhat changed my perceptions on a lot of things. Like I said, I am never the one to discuss but I feel it's important now to let out your feelings or dissatisfatcion on things. I have become more alive now that I have it out in the open. I am more comfortable now talking to my mother after my trip. She's more understanding of the situation and is supportive of me.
Today’s world has become so materialistic that it seems that spouses in marriage have now become the object and are treated as such. Focus on growing together seems forgotten. Fast pace and changes in the world have no doubt created a hell of a lot more stress and striving to keep up with it all, thus everyone’s energy is pulled in all directions and becomes lost where it truly matters, in the family.
Sure! I do believe there are marriages that will survive and do make it to “death do us part” and are truly happy. I don’t feel in today’s world there are many. Not from all these posts I have read on a forum I frequent recently. It is very sad to read what these women and even some men are going through in their marriages.
Of all the couples I know, and there are many, it is very disheartening to hear their stories. Some that I know have been together for 25 –30 years and have openly said “it’s been a struggle” and we are not happy and have not been for years. Some have even said “I should have left a long time ago” and many have stated I stayed for the kids or financial reasons. Most have had affairs and some have not! Now they look back and view their life with their spouse as hauntingly frightening as retirement years approach. They dread the days to come of having their spouse as what they referred to as “a piece of the furniture” because they said their feelings have died and cannot be recovered.
No wonder some of my friends, even myself at one point dread the idea of getting married. Even my third brother hated the idea but hey, when he met his wife - he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and I can really see that happening between the two of them. It saddens me that those people I know who are going through a rough time in their marriages don't have what my brothers and some of my relatives have. My ex's parents' marriage was arranged by their families and it turned out well. They are still together after 30 years. My parents married each other for almost 40 years now and they have gone through a lot. They worked through their rough times and that is what I want in my marriage.
I was told that feelings change and so do people. I get that. I really do but there is also people who do not change and that includes their feelings. I don't change easily. My feelings usually stay the same. Only if my man hurt me in ways that I cannot forgive that my feelings for him will change then and even that, it will take almost forever!
I read a lot today on relationships/marriages and such. Now, I have never been the one to talk or discuss certain issues because I dislike it. For me, every time a certain issue is being discussed, it will end up in a big argument or it will lead to a misunderstanding. That is where I am wrong. With discussing matters with your loved one, you make your relationship with your partner a better one. Okay so I didn't exactly learned THAT part today, I actually learned it in Cape Town. *smile*. It's just that, after my trip to CT - I realised (today, in fact) that I have somewhat changed my perceptions on a lot of things. Like I said, I am never the one to discuss but I feel it's important now to let out your feelings or dissatisfatcion on things. I have become more alive now that I have it out in the open. I am more comfortable now talking to my mother after my trip. She's more understanding of the situation and is supportive of me.
I left my heart in Cape Town
It was a lovely morning when I arrived in Cape Town. Flight was early so instead of arriving at 07:35, I arrived 35mins earlier. I guess I wasn't the only one that was excited about visiting Cape Town!
Mr. Brahm picked me up around 07:40, if I was not mistaken. Went straight to Jabulani Guest House and on my way over, MSHM called. Told me he'd meet me at Jabulani and I was ecstatic! Seriously, I had a big smile on my face. I thought to myself on the way over that I'd greet him with a hug... yeah - good idea...
So when I got to the guest house, got out of the car - I was talking to Mr. Brahm then I heard a familiar deep sexy voice. I froze. Turned around and saw this really gorgeous man standing behind me. Yup - MSHM! Out of reflex, what I did was shook his hand. Oh yeah, you read it right. I bloody shook his hand!!! OMG! I so wanted to die. LOL. Aahh.. what a moment. It's something Amanda Peet would do to Ashton Kutcher kinda movie, you know. But noooo... it happened to me. Geez... way to go, blondie! I told my mother, SILs and Amir that part and they all said "awww... that is sooo 'comel'!!" - yeah yeah... 'comel' when it happens to someone else!
Anyway, what happened after that left me with warm fuzzy feeling. *smile*. Oh yeah, the guest house is lovely! Very homely and comfy. It reminded me of a house we used to live in. It was in Kelana Jaya and the compound was huge with lots of plants, flowers, trees around the block.. the garden was my mother's favourite evening hang out. And morning too. She just loves plants and flowers. Obsessed with them! My father was influenced as well and every evening, when I come out of my room - the first place I look for for them was out at the garden. So in a way, I missed that home. In fact, I missed the whole neighbourhood although people are pretty snobbish (yeah me too - lol) over on that side of my home. Back to the guest house, the owner has a dog. Freaking huge dog. I have seen a huger dog but not up close and personal like Lady. She's huge. And loud. What more could I say about Lady?
The guest house is situated in Durbanville. It's like Bangsar. Only Bangsar has huge shopping malls. Bangsar is actually bigger than Durbanville and way too many snobs around - *smile*. What's in common between those two is the greenery around the town. So full of trees. Durbanville is filled with good looking people. Be it young, old, single, married.. you name it. Every corner, there's a good looking girl or guy. I appreciate all the beauty in life has to offer because I am a typical Libra. I only like the finest things in life. With that said, I guess I like where I was because it is a beautiful place. It's simple but there's just something about that town and I can't quite put a finger to it. Of course the fact that MSHM was nearby helped. *big smile*. The buildings around the area is superb. Old fashioned type of houses and buildings. Classic. That's one of the reasons why I liked that place a lot. I love modern architecture but old classic ones are just so beautiful. So full of life and with them being old, a lot of stories behind it all. That is why I love history (although I failed most of the time - *smile*).
I have a lot more to write but at the moment, it's all private thoughts of mine. I'm dying to put it out here. Sometimes, when you have something in your mind and you write it down, it becomes clearer or more real to you. But then again, this blog is being read by people who know me personally and I really don't care what these people think but some of these people I know, tend to use what I have written in the past against me. In a way, I'm afraid that they might come out and hurt those I really care about. That is why I do not use real names for these people I have written about but with some of my so-called crazy friends I know, they will find a way to get back to me through my loved ones and have this ability to dig up on everything. The last thing I want is to hurt my loved ones.
So I might just edit a few things around here before I write down what I have in mind. Maybe I will just write it down in my personal diary but oh geez.. I just hate writing right now. It's painful. I have not written in a long time and gosh, my handwriting sucks! Okay now I am rambling so I better stop now before I start rambling nonsense!
Mr. Brahm picked me up around 07:40, if I was not mistaken. Went straight to Jabulani Guest House and on my way over, MSHM called. Told me he'd meet me at Jabulani and I was ecstatic! Seriously, I had a big smile on my face. I thought to myself on the way over that I'd greet him with a hug... yeah - good idea...
So when I got to the guest house, got out of the car - I was talking to Mr. Brahm then I heard a familiar deep sexy voice. I froze. Turned around and saw this really gorgeous man standing behind me. Yup - MSHM! Out of reflex, what I did was shook his hand. Oh yeah, you read it right. I bloody shook his hand!!! OMG! I so wanted to die. LOL. Aahh.. what a moment. It's something Amanda Peet would do to Ashton Kutcher kinda movie, you know. But noooo... it happened to me. Geez... way to go, blondie! I told my mother, SILs and Amir that part and they all said "awww... that is sooo 'comel'!!" - yeah yeah... 'comel' when it happens to someone else!
Anyway, what happened after that left me with warm fuzzy feeling. *smile*. Oh yeah, the guest house is lovely! Very homely and comfy. It reminded me of a house we used to live in. It was in Kelana Jaya and the compound was huge with lots of plants, flowers, trees around the block.. the garden was my mother's favourite evening hang out. And morning too. She just loves plants and flowers. Obsessed with them! My father was influenced as well and every evening, when I come out of my room - the first place I look for for them was out at the garden. So in a way, I missed that home. In fact, I missed the whole neighbourhood although people are pretty snobbish (yeah me too - lol) over on that side of my home. Back to the guest house, the owner has a dog. Freaking huge dog. I have seen a huger dog but not up close and personal like Lady. She's huge. And loud. What more could I say about Lady?
The guest house is situated in Durbanville. It's like Bangsar. Only Bangsar has huge shopping malls. Bangsar is actually bigger than Durbanville and way too many snobs around - *smile*. What's in common between those two is the greenery around the town. So full of trees. Durbanville is filled with good looking people. Be it young, old, single, married.. you name it. Every corner, there's a good looking girl or guy. I appreciate all the beauty in life has to offer because I am a typical Libra. I only like the finest things in life. With that said, I guess I like where I was because it is a beautiful place. It's simple but there's just something about that town and I can't quite put a finger to it. Of course the fact that MSHM was nearby helped. *big smile*. The buildings around the area is superb. Old fashioned type of houses and buildings. Classic. That's one of the reasons why I liked that place a lot. I love modern architecture but old classic ones are just so beautiful. So full of life and with them being old, a lot of stories behind it all. That is why I love history (although I failed most of the time - *smile*).
I have a lot more to write but at the moment, it's all private thoughts of mine. I'm dying to put it out here. Sometimes, when you have something in your mind and you write it down, it becomes clearer or more real to you. But then again, this blog is being read by people who know me personally and I really don't care what these people think but some of these people I know, tend to use what I have written in the past against me. In a way, I'm afraid that they might come out and hurt those I really care about. That is why I do not use real names for these people I have written about but with some of my so-called crazy friends I know, they will find a way to get back to me through my loved ones and have this ability to dig up on everything. The last thing I want is to hurt my loved ones.
So I might just edit a few things around here before I write down what I have in mind. Maybe I will just write it down in my personal diary but oh geez.. I just hate writing right now. It's painful. I have not written in a long time and gosh, my handwriting sucks! Okay now I am rambling so I better stop now before I start rambling nonsense!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Songs that represent certain situation
"In this crazy life.. through this crazy times, it's you.. it's you.. you make me sing, you're every line, you're every word.. you're everything!"
I love that song! Every morning I wake up to that song. Actually, as soon as I open my eyes - I'd get my cell and put the song on. It just brightens my morning even more. It's a song that makes you smile and have a good feeling early in the morning and really, I do have good days when I listen to that song first thing in the morning. It is also because that song just spells out MSHM.
Another song that I can relate to - not so much right now - is 'Pieces Don't Fit Anymore' (it should've come out years ago!) which is also Wafi's favourite song. It's a song about how one feels about a r/ship that is not working out anymore and whatever you do, no matter how hard you try to make things better - it just doesn't or can't get better because the pieces just don't fit anymore.
Oh and another one by James Morrison - 'You Give Me Something' - wow! That song says it all! Wait... that song would be number two, number one would be 'Lost Without You' by Robin Thicke which is pretty old song to me since it came out last year but only showing on TV here recently. That song - it's so good! It makes you want to have a good time with your SO. *wink*
Okay so it's about 20:34 here now and I am counting the seconds till I get my arse off this chair and head home! I'm so sleepy - couldn't sleep well last night due to my 1+ year old niece who kept crying every now and then!
I'll be off from work tomorrow. That is good because I need to get my passport done. I'm getting pretty excited but trying very hard to refrain myself from feeling TOO excited because every time I get too excited about something - it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to! Typical!
I love that song! Every morning I wake up to that song. Actually, as soon as I open my eyes - I'd get my cell and put the song on. It just brightens my morning even more. It's a song that makes you smile and have a good feeling early in the morning and really, I do have good days when I listen to that song first thing in the morning. It is also because that song just spells out MSHM.
Another song that I can relate to - not so much right now - is 'Pieces Don't Fit Anymore' (it should've come out years ago!) which is also Wafi's favourite song. It's a song about how one feels about a r/ship that is not working out anymore and whatever you do, no matter how hard you try to make things better - it just doesn't or can't get better because the pieces just don't fit anymore.
Oh and another one by James Morrison - 'You Give Me Something' - wow! That song says it all! Wait... that song would be number two, number one would be 'Lost Without You' by Robin Thicke which is pretty old song to me since it came out last year but only showing on TV here recently. That song - it's so good! It makes you want to have a good time with your SO. *wink*
Okay so it's about 20:34 here now and I am counting the seconds till I get my arse off this chair and head home! I'm so sleepy - couldn't sleep well last night due to my 1+ year old niece who kept crying every now and then!
I'll be off from work tomorrow. That is good because I need to get my passport done. I'm getting pretty excited but trying very hard to refrain myself from feeling TOO excited because every time I get too excited about something - it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to! Typical!
Resistance
Something I am not good at! Lol. If I tried hard enough, I know I could resist a lot of things. Heck - let me rephrase that! I CAN resist a lot of things/men/women but not when it comes to MSHM, chocolates (depends on the time of the month), cats!!! Oh boy!! Cats - I'd choose cats over chocolates! No, I don't eat cats, I love playing with them. I know MSHM likes to play with this one particular kitty. LOL.
Enough about that. I called Ezy this afternoon to inform him of my trip to CT. He was very surprised (told him months ago about my plan!) and asked lots of questions (typical). That wasn't the issue during the phone conversation. It was more about what he said about dad. I mean - seriously, let go already! It just upsets me that he or sometimes, Eddie and El just can't see dad the way I see him. I think it's because I am always with him and mum. I know they get him, they KNOW him but really, if you really KNOW someone, you'd be able to read them already and LET IT GO. Especially parents. That's just them. They are old. They are suppose to act certain ways when they get older. Geez.. you're all gonna get there pretty soon! Not so soon but you will get there... I know it will crush my dad if I told him what Ezy said but I'm not even gonna mention anything because I have had enough of this family drama. Seriously, if you really want to fix things with dad, fix your wife first. Her attitude especially. Freaking pisses me off!!
Enough about that. I called Ezy this afternoon to inform him of my trip to CT. He was very surprised (told him months ago about my plan!) and asked lots of questions (typical). That wasn't the issue during the phone conversation. It was more about what he said about dad. I mean - seriously, let go already! It just upsets me that he or sometimes, Eddie and El just can't see dad the way I see him. I think it's because I am always with him and mum. I know they get him, they KNOW him but really, if you really KNOW someone, you'd be able to read them already and LET IT GO. Especially parents. That's just them. They are old. They are suppose to act certain ways when they get older. Geez.. you're all gonna get there pretty soon! Not so soon but you will get there... I know it will crush my dad if I told him what Ezy said but I'm not even gonna mention anything because I have had enough of this family drama. Seriously, if you really want to fix things with dad, fix your wife first. Her attitude especially. Freaking pisses me off!!
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Time
It has been bugging me. This bug. More like issue. I don't have a lot of friends to talk to about this. I feel strongly for MSHM. I know he feels the same way. Not sure as strongly but I know he does.
Lately, I have been thinking more and more about marriage and having kids. I have never wanted kids. I know, I know - never say never. See what I want now?? The thing is, I do not want kids before this is because I have this issue where I think I will not make a good mother. But how does one know that, right? Sometimes it is just your gut feeling. I have babysat before and I like it. Although they're my nieces so that does not really count but hey, to me it does. I still had to feed them, put them to sleep... only the part where their diapers need to be changed, I hand them over to my mother. Oh and also when they start bawling. See - I wouldn't make a good mother!!! Then why do I want kids?
I think it has something to do with the fact that I am so in love with MSHM. It's crazy. Our r/ship is complicated and heaven knows how it will turn out but for now, all I want is to make it work. I think being with him made me want to have kids. Don't get me wrong, my ex was (is) a great guy and we talked about having kids before but of course, he's my ex now so that didn't work out. We planned to get married but hey, his mother changed her perception of me, thanks to that third person!!
I am so happy with MSHM. He's amazing. He makes me laugh. The oldest I have gotten involved with and it's great that even with his age, he is silly. Gosh, I haven't felt this way for a very long time and it makes me feel oh-so-great and I do not want this feeling to go away but rationally, it will. Why? Because of the situation we're in...
Lately, I have been thinking more and more about marriage and having kids. I have never wanted kids. I know, I know - never say never. See what I want now?? The thing is, I do not want kids before this is because I have this issue where I think I will not make a good mother. But how does one know that, right? Sometimes it is just your gut feeling. I have babysat before and I like it. Although they're my nieces so that does not really count but hey, to me it does. I still had to feed them, put them to sleep... only the part where their diapers need to be changed, I hand them over to my mother. Oh and also when they start bawling. See - I wouldn't make a good mother!!! Then why do I want kids?
I think it has something to do with the fact that I am so in love with MSHM. It's crazy. Our r/ship is complicated and heaven knows how it will turn out but for now, all I want is to make it work. I think being with him made me want to have kids. Don't get me wrong, my ex was (is) a great guy and we talked about having kids before but of course, he's my ex now so that didn't work out. We planned to get married but hey, his mother changed her perception of me, thanks to that third person!!
I am so happy with MSHM. He's amazing. He makes me laugh. The oldest I have gotten involved with and it's great that even with his age, he is silly. Gosh, I haven't felt this way for a very long time and it makes me feel oh-so-great and I do not want this feeling to go away but rationally, it will. Why? Because of the situation we're in...
Monday, May 21, 2007
Swinging moods
Today I feel so lethargic. My body feels heavy. All I wanna do is to stay in bed. No work. No outing. No phone calls. No TV. Nothing. Zilch!
But of course, I am at work now. Not in bed. I wish I was. I should have just stayed in bed! Why did I even got up and went through my daily morning routine and came to work??
Because I am me. The responsible person that I am. Always thinking about other people. It's not fair of me to let my colleague do half of my part and more.
I wish I was a little irresponsible.
No, not really. I don't think I would like being irresponsible. I do wonder sometimes, how some people can be so irresponsible. How do they live with themselves that way? It's utterly mind-boggling!
Oh well, this is just another day for me. A new week. Hopefully it will be a good one!
Cheers!
But of course, I am at work now. Not in bed. I wish I was. I should have just stayed in bed! Why did I even got up and went through my daily morning routine and came to work??
Because I am me. The responsible person that I am. Always thinking about other people. It's not fair of me to let my colleague do half of my part and more.
I wish I was a little irresponsible.
No, not really. I don't think I would like being irresponsible. I do wonder sometimes, how some people can be so irresponsible. How do they live with themselves that way? It's utterly mind-boggling!
Oh well, this is just another day for me. A new week. Hopefully it will be a good one!
Cheers!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
My Seduction Style
| Your Seduction Style: Prized Object |
 The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get. You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them. The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away. You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance. Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for. |
Keys To My Heart
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
A year older or wiser?
In less than 5 months I will turn 27. It has been 10 years since the last time I was in school. 10 years. Wow. 20 years ago, I was seven. First year in primary school. I remember my first brother, Eddie sent me to school every day. He would wait for me outside my class. Every day. Don’t remember for how long he did that. He’d wait for me for lunch break, make friends with my classmates – for me, of course! – then when lunch break is over, he would walk me to class and wait outside till my day is over. Yup, he did that for me, every day. I don’t think he did that for months, maybe only for the first 2 weeks of Primary One.
Secondary school was just fine for me. If anyone were to ask me, when was the best moment of my school life, I would say when I was in Primary Six. That was the best year ever! I found my best friends that year that lasted me through half of secondary life, not for long but they were still my best friends. If I could turn back time, I would go to that year and relive it again. At 12, life taught me a lot of things. That was when I know what back-stabbing is all about. What it feels like to be an outcast and to be part of ‘the popular’ clique later on. At twelve, I started flirting, I think that has always been in me! I remember, us girls, we would have a thick book and we’d pass around to other school mates to write their biodatas in it and we’d have a ‘crush session’. That was where everyone wrote which boy or girl they have a crush on. I would flip through all pages to see if the boy I had a crush on has my name written next to his! LOL. And boy, did I find more than one admirer!! It really brightens up my day, thinking back those times. It was good times.
Being 26 is not that bad. What have I learnt since 12? Too many things. Some things I didn’t even want to know, I came to know. Feelings I did not want to have, I have felt. I believe the past made me who I am today. I don’t think I would have been patient with so many people if I had not gone through those rough times which I am not going to elaborate on. I don’t think I would be so strong now if I had not had my heart broken 3 times. I think I had my heart broken more often by girls than guys. I don’t mean that romantically but in terms of friendship. Over the years, I have gained and lost so many friends. Mostly girls. Sometimes I wonder, is it me or them? If it was me, they wouldn’t come back, would they? That’s the problem. They always come back for a second chance but it’s just not the same anymore, is it? I just can’t bring myself to be close and share parts of my life that they left behind because they heard some stupid rumours etc. Being in situations like that so many times have taught me to be more careful when it comes to choosing friends. I stopped believing in having a bestfriend when I was 20.
But that changed as well when I started seeing Amir in 2002. We dated for 2 and half years. After that, we became bestfriends. He is the best buddy I have ever had. Well, best guy bestfriend! I know some of my friends, even my brothers find it hard to understand how we could still be friends and very close too. Maybe a year after we broke up, I still had feelings for him. It just doesn’t go away over night nor a few months. Not for me. But now, we are just that. Best of friends. Sure, we had arguments but give us a week and we’d be back to normal. If I was best friends with a girl, do not even expect things to go back to normal after an argument. Sure it would probably be normal for the first 2 arguments but after 4 or 5, that’s it – sworn enemies! I just don’t think I can get along well with ladies. Not for long. 2 year tops! But with a guy, it can go on forever. Amir is that guy. Always so supportive of my decisions. Always there to advice me. He’d do anything for me. Almost and I must say, so would I. We both know each other so well that it is scary. I love the fact that we both can talk about who we like romantically and not having to hide anything. I have told him about MSHM and he’s been very supportive. Our friendship is the kind of friendship, one would only find in the movies. So close and so supportive of one another, protective and all that but just really good friends. I should find him a hot girl. A really nice and hot girl because a man like him, deserves that. Hate to see a great guy like that single and not having anyone to love or be loved.
Secondary school was just fine for me. If anyone were to ask me, when was the best moment of my school life, I would say when I was in Primary Six. That was the best year ever! I found my best friends that year that lasted me through half of secondary life, not for long but they were still my best friends. If I could turn back time, I would go to that year and relive it again. At 12, life taught me a lot of things. That was when I know what back-stabbing is all about. What it feels like to be an outcast and to be part of ‘the popular’ clique later on. At twelve, I started flirting, I think that has always been in me! I remember, us girls, we would have a thick book and we’d pass around to other school mates to write their biodatas in it and we’d have a ‘crush session’. That was where everyone wrote which boy or girl they have a crush on. I would flip through all pages to see if the boy I had a crush on has my name written next to his! LOL. And boy, did I find more than one admirer!! It really brightens up my day, thinking back those times. It was good times.
Being 26 is not that bad. What have I learnt since 12? Too many things. Some things I didn’t even want to know, I came to know. Feelings I did not want to have, I have felt. I believe the past made me who I am today. I don’t think I would have been patient with so many people if I had not gone through those rough times which I am not going to elaborate on. I don’t think I would be so strong now if I had not had my heart broken 3 times. I think I had my heart broken more often by girls than guys. I don’t mean that romantically but in terms of friendship. Over the years, I have gained and lost so many friends. Mostly girls. Sometimes I wonder, is it me or them? If it was me, they wouldn’t come back, would they? That’s the problem. They always come back for a second chance but it’s just not the same anymore, is it? I just can’t bring myself to be close and share parts of my life that they left behind because they heard some stupid rumours etc. Being in situations like that so many times have taught me to be more careful when it comes to choosing friends. I stopped believing in having a bestfriend when I was 20.
But that changed as well when I started seeing Amir in 2002. We dated for 2 and half years. After that, we became bestfriends. He is the best buddy I have ever had. Well, best guy bestfriend! I know some of my friends, even my brothers find it hard to understand how we could still be friends and very close too. Maybe a year after we broke up, I still had feelings for him. It just doesn’t go away over night nor a few months. Not for me. But now, we are just that. Best of friends. Sure, we had arguments but give us a week and we’d be back to normal. If I was best friends with a girl, do not even expect things to go back to normal after an argument. Sure it would probably be normal for the first 2 arguments but after 4 or 5, that’s it – sworn enemies! I just don’t think I can get along well with ladies. Not for long. 2 year tops! But with a guy, it can go on forever. Amir is that guy. Always so supportive of my decisions. Always there to advice me. He’d do anything for me. Almost and I must say, so would I. We both know each other so well that it is scary. I love the fact that we both can talk about who we like romantically and not having to hide anything. I have told him about MSHM and he’s been very supportive. Our friendship is the kind of friendship, one would only find in the movies. So close and so supportive of one another, protective and all that but just really good friends. I should find him a hot girl. A really nice and hot girl because a man like him, deserves that. Hate to see a great guy like that single and not having anyone to love or be loved.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Blah
It has been a stressful week for me. Work is good but lately, the big boss has been finding faults with us. Everything is not in order or not up to par. Not up to expectation – his, of course. The smallest mistake was turned into a big one. Complaining about it over and over again. At times I feel like giving up. I feel like leaving but I have to think about Jace. Not just Jace, but it’s hard for me to leave, actually. We work so hard to get the amount of students we have now and it’s really not easy considering that we have only been operating for almost 5 months now. Come June, it will be my one year anniversary with my company. What have I learnt for the past 11 months? A lot. I have learnt from the simplest to the hardest situation to deal with.
I have forged a bond with Jace. A great one. We have shared so many ups and downs for the past 5 months. I can’t just leave her to handle everything. It’s hard enough for us now, not having enough staff and when we do get new employees, they fuck us up by leaving only after 3 days of training and believe me, working under us is not difficult. We just don’t understand why we can’t get a decent staff like Shahrul. It’s really stressing us out right now. He’s leaving in June and really, we can’t find anyone as good and reliable as he is. All we need is just 2 reliable staff and we don’t even need full time staff – a part time will do! Gggrrrr…. It is so frustrating!
The only thing that keeps me sane at the moment is the fact that I am in love now. After 3 years of refraining myself from falling for someone for fear of getting hurt, I finally open and let my guards down… well, not entirely but strong enough now to actually love again. I just thought about it, what have I got to lose? If I do get hurt again (not that I want to get hurt but..), wouldn’t it just be another experience? Wouldn’t that make me a stronger person?
All I know right this moment is that he makes me happy. It’s insane. The way we met. It’s a blessing in disguise, he said. I was asked by a close of friend of mine, who was really into him at that time to catch him out and from there on, we ended up chatting more and getting to know more of each other. Things are getting pretty intense for both of us now and it’s scary but exciting at the same time. Like how I can’t wait to see how it will end up between us…. Will it work? Or will we go our separate ways?
He makes me feel good about myself. During one of our conversations, he said I made a difference in his life - yes, I would like to believe that but it's quite impossible for me to do that to him but if he said so then I guess I did then! I call him my sexy hot man because he is and well, physical aside, he has a great personality! So what more could a girl ask for?!
I have forged a bond with Jace. A great one. We have shared so many ups and downs for the past 5 months. I can’t just leave her to handle everything. It’s hard enough for us now, not having enough staff and when we do get new employees, they fuck us up by leaving only after 3 days of training and believe me, working under us is not difficult. We just don’t understand why we can’t get a decent staff like Shahrul. It’s really stressing us out right now. He’s leaving in June and really, we can’t find anyone as good and reliable as he is. All we need is just 2 reliable staff and we don’t even need full time staff – a part time will do! Gggrrrr…. It is so frustrating!
The only thing that keeps me sane at the moment is the fact that I am in love now. After 3 years of refraining myself from falling for someone for fear of getting hurt, I finally open and let my guards down… well, not entirely but strong enough now to actually love again. I just thought about it, what have I got to lose? If I do get hurt again (not that I want to get hurt but..), wouldn’t it just be another experience? Wouldn’t that make me a stronger person?
All I know right this moment is that he makes me happy. It’s insane. The way we met. It’s a blessing in disguise, he said. I was asked by a close of friend of mine, who was really into him at that time to catch him out and from there on, we ended up chatting more and getting to know more of each other. Things are getting pretty intense for both of us now and it’s scary but exciting at the same time. Like how I can’t wait to see how it will end up between us…. Will it work? Or will we go our separate ways?
He makes me feel good about myself. During one of our conversations, he said I made a difference in his life - yes, I would like to believe that but it's quite impossible for me to do that to him but if he said so then I guess I did then! I call him my sexy hot man because he is and well, physical aside, he has a great personality! So what more could a girl ask for?!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Down with a cold...
It's Sunday evening and I am at work. I have a cold and I am at work. I wish I was at home in bed. It's raining and it would be a good time to sleep in!!
I went clubbing with Zan and Scott last Friday night. We headed down to LeQueen and at around 11pm, it was still quiet. We sat down and moved to the sound of music playing. It wasn't a really good choice of songs at that time but it was alright.
11.30pm - I started seeing the crowds. Mostly men - yes, if you're familiar with KL nightlife, you would know that LeQueen is a gay club and a good one at that! I had so much fun although it is only my first time there. A lady is sure to feel safe in a gay club - doesn't matter if one is wearing something super sexy or not! Gay men are so generous with compliments and I must say, they have good fashion sense and taste in women - or shall I say faghag? LOL.
We left the place about 4am - went to mamak behind Istana hotel and headed for home afterwards. On the way home to KD, we passed by a wrecked car on the Penchala link highway. We stopped at the side and went to his rescue - well, Zan did. Scott told me to stay in the car as it may not be safe - ooh how sweet of you, Scott! The car was a total wreck, couldn't even ID what kinda car the man drove. Apparently, he was very drunk and was driving home alone. Zan called the police and ambulance. Later, due to oil leaking, the car caught fire so Zan called the fire department which took them oh about 20 mins to get there!! I was in total awe of what happened. Seriously - it was one of those nights where I would remember for a long time. LOL. I find things like that very fascinating. Got home about 6am and I totally crashed after all the dancing and waiting.
Tomorrow is a new week for everyone. I hope it'll be a good week for me! I have a meeting to attend on Tuesday so that's something I am looking forward to. One cousin of mine getting engaged this Saturday, I have to emcee an event with my company on the same Saturday and another cousin getting married on the 1st May. Wow - will be quite a week for me! I wish all of you a great week ahead!!
I went clubbing with Zan and Scott last Friday night. We headed down to LeQueen and at around 11pm, it was still quiet. We sat down and moved to the sound of music playing. It wasn't a really good choice of songs at that time but it was alright.
11.30pm - I started seeing the crowds. Mostly men - yes, if you're familiar with KL nightlife, you would know that LeQueen is a gay club and a good one at that! I had so much fun although it is only my first time there. A lady is sure to feel safe in a gay club - doesn't matter if one is wearing something super sexy or not! Gay men are so generous with compliments and I must say, they have good fashion sense and taste in women - or shall I say faghag? LOL.
We left the place about 4am - went to mamak behind Istana hotel and headed for home afterwards. On the way home to KD, we passed by a wrecked car on the Penchala link highway. We stopped at the side and went to his rescue - well, Zan did. Scott told me to stay in the car as it may not be safe - ooh how sweet of you, Scott! The car was a total wreck, couldn't even ID what kinda car the man drove. Apparently, he was very drunk and was driving home alone. Zan called the police and ambulance. Later, due to oil leaking, the car caught fire so Zan called the fire department which took them oh about 20 mins to get there!! I was in total awe of what happened. Seriously - it was one of those nights where I would remember for a long time. LOL. I find things like that very fascinating. Got home about 6am and I totally crashed after all the dancing and waiting.
Tomorrow is a new week for everyone. I hope it'll be a good week for me! I have a meeting to attend on Tuesday so that's something I am looking forward to. One cousin of mine getting engaged this Saturday, I have to emcee an event with my company on the same Saturday and another cousin getting married on the 1st May. Wow - will be quite a week for me! I wish all of you a great week ahead!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
What I look for in a man
I was in bed last night when I started thinking about a question that was asked by a friend of mine which I didn't really answer. "What do you look for in a man/husband?". But now that I had given it a thought, here is what I have to say...
Communication - Okay, he must be able to communicate with me on every level. Whatever that is going on - bad or good - he must communicate with me no matter what! We must be able to work out our problems and the way to work it out is by communicating with one another.
Personality - My sexy hot man (yes I intend to have a sexy hot husband - call me a dreamer, I don't care!!) must have a personality that isn't like some broad-chested man with no brains. Or a computer geek who stays in front of his computer all day and night or a couch potato who does only that - sits in front of the tube and watch TV shows all day through! I need someone who is positive, has strong personality and is kind-hearted. I need to be with someone whose personality just engulfs me like a warm blanket!!
Sense of Humour - People say laughter is the best medicine. Yes it is! It breaks down tense moments and solidifies why you love that person. I have been told that I am funny or I have a rather decent sense of humour (sometimes my humourous side can be cynical and sarcastic but hey, it's humour nonetheless!!) but I need a man who will make me laugh which in turn will make me happy. Not only that, smiling and laughing tend to make one look younger, so yes, I need someone that can do both to me!
Trustworthy - Or someone loyal. I don't need a player in my life. Have had enough of that when I was younger. I want and need someone who will be mine and only mine and I am his. No one else.
Respect - Mutual respect is earned therefore if he respects me, I'll gladly return the respect. Enough said!
Sex - I have a sex drive that is only matched by a porn star. Okay okay, that is not so true. While my husband and I may not have sex everyday or multiple times a day, he must like sex a lot and be up for it at anytime as I feel that is one of the many ways to show your love for the one in your life.
Now on to the more specific details...
Spontaneous - Maybe a romantic getaway or those little notes left behind in closets, drawers etc or flowers sent to the office - those would be nice!!
Gets along with my family - Now if he can do that, he won't have to worry about me looking another way!!
Likes to spend time at home and read or watch DVDs with me - you know some quality time and cuddling up, those kinda things.
Intelligent - I must be with someone who can carry decent and intelligent conversation at any time. Someone that must be able to have thoughtful and deep discussions on anything and everything because that would also help me to become a better person at discussing things and to be more open.
Job - Must be able to make his own money as I am not going to be anyone's sugar mummy!
My love for petty things/F1/UFOs - Doesn't judge me based on all these things that fascinate me. In fact, if he loves it too - that would be a bonus but if he doesn't, it isn't the end of the world, I just discuss the matters with other people!
Friends - He must be able to accept my friends (very small amount of friends that I have, VERY small!) and respect them as I will, his friends. Must be able to accept the fact that I am good friends with my ex and nothing more than that.
Travel - He must love travelling because I do but I don't get to do it every so often so my partner must love it so we both can travel around the country/world when/if we can. Have romantic vacations now and then - that would be very nice!!!
Animals - Must love animals especially cats! I love cats. I used to have dozens and I would still like to have one soon. Horses - wonderful beings.
Last would be that I would love to have someone who is passionate about all things pursued. I admire and respect someone who is passionate about his hobbies, surroundings, beliefs.. someone who speaks their mind in a respectful manner.
I would also like someone who challenges me on every level. I always enjoy a good challenge, win or lose. He would be someone who makes me want to be a better person because they are that great of a person.
So there it is. The list of things I look for in a man. I don't think it's that hard to find someone like that? LOL.
Communication - Okay, he must be able to communicate with me on every level. Whatever that is going on - bad or good - he must communicate with me no matter what! We must be able to work out our problems and the way to work it out is by communicating with one another.
Personality - My sexy hot man (yes I intend to have a sexy hot husband - call me a dreamer, I don't care!!) must have a personality that isn't like some broad-chested man with no brains. Or a computer geek who stays in front of his computer all day and night or a couch potato who does only that - sits in front of the tube and watch TV shows all day through! I need someone who is positive, has strong personality and is kind-hearted. I need to be with someone whose personality just engulfs me like a warm blanket!!
Sense of Humour - People say laughter is the best medicine. Yes it is! It breaks down tense moments and solidifies why you love that person. I have been told that I am funny or I have a rather decent sense of humour (sometimes my humourous side can be cynical and sarcastic but hey, it's humour nonetheless!!) but I need a man who will make me laugh which in turn will make me happy. Not only that, smiling and laughing tend to make one look younger, so yes, I need someone that can do both to me!
Trustworthy - Or someone loyal. I don't need a player in my life. Have had enough of that when I was younger. I want and need someone who will be mine and only mine and I am his. No one else.
Respect - Mutual respect is earned therefore if he respects me, I'll gladly return the respect. Enough said!
Sex - I have a sex drive that is only matched by a porn star. Okay okay, that is not so true. While my husband and I may not have sex everyday or multiple times a day, he must like sex a lot and be up for it at anytime as I feel that is one of the many ways to show your love for the one in your life.
Now on to the more specific details...
Spontaneous - Maybe a romantic getaway or those little notes left behind in closets, drawers etc or flowers sent to the office - those would be nice!!
Gets along with my family - Now if he can do that, he won't have to worry about me looking another way!!
Likes to spend time at home and read or watch DVDs with me - you know some quality time and cuddling up, those kinda things.
Intelligent - I must be with someone who can carry decent and intelligent conversation at any time. Someone that must be able to have thoughtful and deep discussions on anything and everything because that would also help me to become a better person at discussing things and to be more open.
Job - Must be able to make his own money as I am not going to be anyone's sugar mummy!
My love for petty things/F1/UFOs - Doesn't judge me based on all these things that fascinate me. In fact, if he loves it too - that would be a bonus but if he doesn't, it isn't the end of the world, I just discuss the matters with other people!
Friends - He must be able to accept my friends (very small amount of friends that I have, VERY small!) and respect them as I will, his friends. Must be able to accept the fact that I am good friends with my ex and nothing more than that.
Travel - He must love travelling because I do but I don't get to do it every so often so my partner must love it so we both can travel around the country/world when/if we can. Have romantic vacations now and then - that would be very nice!!!
Animals - Must love animals especially cats! I love cats. I used to have dozens and I would still like to have one soon. Horses - wonderful beings.
Last would be that I would love to have someone who is passionate about all things pursued. I admire and respect someone who is passionate about his hobbies, surroundings, beliefs.. someone who speaks their mind in a respectful manner.
I would also like someone who challenges me on every level. I always enjoy a good challenge, win or lose. He would be someone who makes me want to be a better person because they are that great of a person.
So there it is. The list of things I look for in a man. I don't think it's that hard to find someone like that? LOL.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Just one of those days...
Here I sit with my heart closing in. I am just in one of those moods where I feel down. It may be caused by the thoughts I had earlier - still have in fact. I hate it when I am doing just fine, smiling and having wonderful thoughts and out of nowhere, I just think of one stupid thing and it changes your mood. I f***ing hate that!!
It just ruins everything! All those little nice thoughts I have - gone! Poof! If only it was easy to get those nice little thoughts again. It would be easy to just block out and think of those nice thoughts but I just feel guilty to do so right now.
How can it not bring me down when things might get better between him and her? Yes, maybe I am thinking of it before it actually happened but I think by doing that, I am preparing myself from getting hurt again?
This sucks. Big time. Why must it be this way? Why??
It just ruins everything! All those little nice thoughts I have - gone! Poof! If only it was easy to get those nice little thoughts again. It would be easy to just block out and think of those nice thoughts but I just feel guilty to do so right now.
How can it not bring me down when things might get better between him and her? Yes, maybe I am thinking of it before it actually happened but I think by doing that, I am preparing myself from getting hurt again?
This sucks. Big time. Why must it be this way? Why??
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wow
Wow - I just went through all my entries and realised that I have had this blog up for 4 years! This is probably the longest relationship I have ever had!! LOL. If only I could have an actual relationship for THAT long!!!
Well, 4 years of tears, laughter, good memories, bad memories....
And more to come....
Cheers!!
Well, 4 years of tears, laughter, good memories, bad memories....
And more to come....
Cheers!!
A Long awaited entry
I am here to blog again after so long! I just haven't gotten to it. The last time I blogged, it was about a good friend of mine - and that was it. A lot has happened eversince. I have changed. I got over someone. I met a lot of people. Transfered to a new branch. Got closer to someone. Love someone. Yes, you read it correctly. Surprised? Yeah, imagine mine. Bonnie, if you're reading this - don't start teasing me. Yes I know it's about time, you freak!
Anyway....
I woke up to the sound of James Morisson ring tone on my cell. Zan called. I think he is still upset about his crush. He cried - no, nothing like when a woman cries! I wish I could have been there for him. It must have been hard for him to go home and to be alone in his apartment. I can't believe the things H said to him. I hate it when someone takes you for a ride and think it is alright to just drop you off and pick you up again at any time that one desires! I don't know why before this I thought gay people had it easy. I think that would be the farthest thing that they could ever have because they have so much more to prove to the society in order for society to accept them. Anyhow, I know how it feels like when you love someone that has extra baggage. I know for a fact that Zan has so much more to offer than his ex but if H chose to go back to his ex.. then clearly he's not worth it. You're better off with someone who cares and loves you and appreciates you. I mean who goes back to their exes anyway?! Especially if you caught him with his pants down?!
I read this article by Jay Leno on sports cars. He owns an SLR McLaren, if I am not mistaken. The article was good and accurate. He mentioned in his article that he worked on this rap artist who also owns the same car and how they got into a conversation about SLR McLaren. Leno said it's just too bad that SLR McLaren doesn't come up with a manual because it would have been brilliant to drive a manual - the rap artist agreed and funny thing was at the end, he said he (the rapper) doesn't know how to drive a stick!! It's stupid to own a McLaren (eventhough it's auto), Lambo or Ferrari and not driving a stick! What's the point in that? Esp for men!!! He mentioned Robbie Williams owns a Lambo or was it the same car (not too sure) as well and has a driver to drive him around in it!!!! OMG!!! You're a man, be a man and drive it yourself! If you do not know how to drive a stick, don't buy a Lambo just for the sake of having one and showing it off to the world that you can afford one. I'd laugh to his face, seriously. What a wuss!! Even here in Malaysia, it's funny to see some men showing off their over the top ridiculously-expensive cars and when you ask, "so it's manual right?" - most of them would say "hell no - you can't be driving a manual in KL!!". Dude!! That's not the point! You buy a sports car for it's power, the adrenaline rush you get when you shift the friggin' gear... omg, what do I know?! I'm a woman so I don't think I should get into this but really, I don't even think it's practical for one to get a Lambo here in Malaysia anyway. I know someone who owns a Ferrari Enzo and it's just lying there in his garage.... how sad! With the amount of money you spent to buy it - it'd be much better for you to help those with no food, no shelter - let alone a car!!
I have to get some errands done and then heading off to Casa Tropicana to take a look at some of the units. I am still thinking about it - not too sure if I am doing the right thing by moving out but I do know at some point, I will have to do it and why not now? I think I am thinking more about how lonely my parents would feel without me around. We have all gotten used to having the three of us back together and it has always been just us ever since El got married so if I moved out then it would be like starting all over again (in a way, that's a challenge for me) and a lot of adjustments would have to be made. My father has never liked the idea of my living on my own. He would avoid at all cost to discuss on that matter but one day, he just came up to me and asked if I had taken a look at any and even offered to come with me. It meant something to me for him to say that. I know it is very hard for both my parents to let me go (being the only girl and the youngest) again but I just feel it's about time and it only makes sense for me to move out somewhere closer to the academy. Funny thing is, I remember about a year ago or maybe 2 - my father had ask me to apply for a job in Dubai. Now that he can let go but for me to move out out of the house - no?! Just recently, my cousin called from Sudan, Africa and told my parents that she wanted me to work with her and they were quite happy about it! So what's wrong with moving out somewhere 30 mins away from them?! My father is a funny man. Fickle too! Very!! And I got that from him! Anyway, Ezy (my second brother) saw a really nice house nearby Eddie's place (my first brother) so if they like the house then at any time, Eddie can check up on them so that made me feel a little better. It just worries me because both my parents are at the age where their health is beginning to deteriorate - that is what worries me most.
Now that Eddie has arrived, I am going to hit the shower and out for lunch. House-hunting should be fun with Eddie - he seem to have a thing for properties. The right person to go with! No promises on more entries as I might not have that much time to blog as often... as I always say it!!
Anyway....
I woke up to the sound of James Morisson ring tone on my cell. Zan called. I think he is still upset about his crush. He cried - no, nothing like when a woman cries! I wish I could have been there for him. It must have been hard for him to go home and to be alone in his apartment. I can't believe the things H said to him. I hate it when someone takes you for a ride and think it is alright to just drop you off and pick you up again at any time that one desires! I don't know why before this I thought gay people had it easy. I think that would be the farthest thing that they could ever have because they have so much more to prove to the society in order for society to accept them. Anyhow, I know how it feels like when you love someone that has extra baggage. I know for a fact that Zan has so much more to offer than his ex but if H chose to go back to his ex.. then clearly he's not worth it. You're better off with someone who cares and loves you and appreciates you. I mean who goes back to their exes anyway?! Especially if you caught him with his pants down?!
I read this article by Jay Leno on sports cars. He owns an SLR McLaren, if I am not mistaken. The article was good and accurate. He mentioned in his article that he worked on this rap artist who also owns the same car and how they got into a conversation about SLR McLaren. Leno said it's just too bad that SLR McLaren doesn't come up with a manual because it would have been brilliant to drive a manual - the rap artist agreed and funny thing was at the end, he said he (the rapper) doesn't know how to drive a stick!! It's stupid to own a McLaren (eventhough it's auto), Lambo or Ferrari and not driving a stick! What's the point in that? Esp for men!!! He mentioned Robbie Williams owns a Lambo or was it the same car (not too sure) as well and has a driver to drive him around in it!!!! OMG!!! You're a man, be a man and drive it yourself! If you do not know how to drive a stick, don't buy a Lambo just for the sake of having one and showing it off to the world that you can afford one. I'd laugh to his face, seriously. What a wuss!! Even here in Malaysia, it's funny to see some men showing off their over the top ridiculously-expensive cars and when you ask, "so it's manual right?" - most of them would say "hell no - you can't be driving a manual in KL!!". Dude!! That's not the point! You buy a sports car for it's power, the adrenaline rush you get when you shift the friggin' gear... omg, what do I know?! I'm a woman so I don't think I should get into this but really, I don't even think it's practical for one to get a Lambo here in Malaysia anyway. I know someone who owns a Ferrari Enzo and it's just lying there in his garage.... how sad! With the amount of money you spent to buy it - it'd be much better for you to help those with no food, no shelter - let alone a car!!
I have to get some errands done and then heading off to Casa Tropicana to take a look at some of the units. I am still thinking about it - not too sure if I am doing the right thing by moving out but I do know at some point, I will have to do it and why not now? I think I am thinking more about how lonely my parents would feel without me around. We have all gotten used to having the three of us back together and it has always been just us ever since El got married so if I moved out then it would be like starting all over again (in a way, that's a challenge for me) and a lot of adjustments would have to be made. My father has never liked the idea of my living on my own. He would avoid at all cost to discuss on that matter but one day, he just came up to me and asked if I had taken a look at any and even offered to come with me. It meant something to me for him to say that. I know it is very hard for both my parents to let me go (being the only girl and the youngest) again but I just feel it's about time and it only makes sense for me to move out somewhere closer to the academy. Funny thing is, I remember about a year ago or maybe 2 - my father had ask me to apply for a job in Dubai. Now that he can let go but for me to move out out of the house - no?! Just recently, my cousin called from Sudan, Africa and told my parents that she wanted me to work with her and they were quite happy about it! So what's wrong with moving out somewhere 30 mins away from them?! My father is a funny man. Fickle too! Very!! And I got that from him! Anyway, Ezy (my second brother) saw a really nice house nearby Eddie's place (my first brother) so if they like the house then at any time, Eddie can check up on them so that made me feel a little better. It just worries me because both my parents are at the age where their health is beginning to deteriorate - that is what worries me most.
Now that Eddie has arrived, I am going to hit the shower and out for lunch. House-hunting should be fun with Eddie - he seem to have a thing for properties. The right person to go with! No promises on more entries as I might not have that much time to blog as often... as I always say it!!
Monday, December 18, 2006
Some things are not meant to be....
For the past few days, things have been a lil rough between me and B. Things I have said - was suppose to be a joke - turned out to be the main issue of our argument. I guess it was for the best... but if it is, why do I feel down? I just wish I had a way to make it better... or at least a way for us to be good friends... but even that - I am not sure of.
I just want you to know that I am not feeling any better about this situation but there isn't anything we can do about it because we both know that the longer we talk about it, the more painful it will be for us.
Other than this, there is another thing that is bothering me but as always, I do not want to get into it at the moment.
Have a good week ahead, everyone...
Cheers!
I just want you to know that I am not feeling any better about this situation but there isn't anything we can do about it because we both know that the longer we talk about it, the more painful it will be for us.
Other than this, there is another thing that is bothering me but as always, I do not want to get into it at the moment.
Have a good week ahead, everyone...
Cheers!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Song
Artist : James Morrison
Album : Undiscovered
Title : You Give Me Something
you only stay with me in the morning
you only hold me when i sleep
i was meant to tread the water
but now i've gotten in too deep
for every piece of me that wants you
another piece backs away
you give me something
that makes me scared alright
this could be nothing but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
because someday i might know my heart
you only waited up for hours
just to spend a little time alone with me
and i can say i've never bought you flowers
i can't work out what they mean
i never thought that i'd love someone
that was someone else's dream
you give me something
that makes me scared alright
this could be nothing but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
because someday i might call you from my heart
but it might be a second too late
and the words that i could never say
are gonna come out anyway
you give me something
that makes me scared alright
this could be nothing but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
you give me something
that makes me scared alright
this could be nothing but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
because someday i might know my heart
know my heart, know my heart, know my heart
This song has left a huge impact on me. I can just relate to this song in so many ways. I'm hooked on it. Seriously... I'm HOOKED on it!!!
I couldn't sleep last night. I was feeling restless... and sad. There are just so many things on my mind but I just can't seem to let it all out. I don't know why... but I just can't.
In fact, I don't even have anything much to say here. It's a bright day today... but somehow, it's rather dark for me...
Album : Undiscovered
Title : You Give Me Something
you only stay with me in the morning
you only hold me when i sleep
i was meant to tread the water
but now i've gotten in too deep
for every piece of me that wants you
another piece backs away
you give me something
that makes me scared alright
this could be nothing but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
because someday i might know my heart
you only waited up for hours
just to spend a little time alone with me
and i can say i've never bought you flowers
i can't work out what they mean
i never thought that i'd love someone
that was someone else's dream
you give me something
that makes me scared alright
this could be nothing but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
because someday i might call you from my heart
but it might be a second too late
and the words that i could never say
are gonna come out anyway
you give me something
that makes me scared alright
this could be nothing but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
you give me something
that makes me scared alright
this could be nothing but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
because someday i might know my heart
know my heart, know my heart, know my heart
This song has left a huge impact on me. I can just relate to this song in so many ways. I'm hooked on it. Seriously... I'm HOOKED on it!!!
I couldn't sleep last night. I was feeling restless... and sad. There are just so many things on my mind but I just can't seem to let it all out. I don't know why... but I just can't.
In fact, I don't even have anything much to say here. It's a bright day today... but somehow, it's rather dark for me...
Monday, December 04, 2006
Boring day for me...
It has been a very unproductive day for me. I came to work at 11.30am. Woke up quite early actually, that's good. Wish I had my gym bag with me so that I can get some work out done today but I forgot to prepare my stuff, night before and didn't have time to do so just now.
I looked at myself in the mirror and I noticed I looked like I have been crying non-stop last night. I hate this. I hate looking like this. People are really gonna think that I've been crying, in fact - I had a stranger came up to me and asked if everything is alright - lady, yes... everything is perfectly fine, thank you for asking. I think I'm going through one of those days... yes - PMS.
Not really in a good mood... I hate this! Really, I do. No kidding.
I looked at myself in the mirror and I noticed I looked like I have been crying non-stop last night. I hate this. I hate looking like this. People are really gonna think that I've been crying, in fact - I had a stranger came up to me and asked if everything is alright - lady, yes... everything is perfectly fine, thank you for asking. I think I'm going through one of those days... yes - PMS.
Not really in a good mood... I hate this! Really, I do. No kidding.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Beta version? hmmm..
Okay I don't know what's with this Beta version. I specifically clicked on the 'NO' button but it decided to proceed with the Beta version anyway! I hate Beta... okay, maybe because this pc seems to be a little slow, I guess that's why I find Beta not that user-friendly - yes, I know you people think Beta is much better but it's my blog and I have the right to say whatever I want here - okay, so out of the context and I seriously have forgotten what I was getting at... This happens when I drink too much coffee in the afternoon and am hungry too.
Note to self : No more coffee for today!
My niecey's concert is tomorrow, so am off from work. Yeay! I can't wait because I have not spent quality time with the whole family lately due to my busy schedule. Am really looking forward to tomorrow. Wafi - that's my niece - she's 4 and soooooo cute! Gorgeous babe is more like it! She's been showing off her dancing skills to me - she asked if I could dance, hell yes I can! I actually think she's very talented. Good actor too! LOL. Am thinking of compiling a comp card of her and send them to all the talent agencies. Yes, am very proud of her.
Work has been rather... hectic and unorganised. I don't know how many times have I actually organised, well, all of us actually and still there is always something that is left undone. Come 26th Dec, I will be transfered to the new centre. I'm quite excited about it but also, a little sad. I won't be working with the same people and I realised that I am already missing half the people I know here - students included. I guess I will have to adapt to the changes and I always do so shouldn't be a problem... right??
Anyway, it feels good when you have someone to think about... always...
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Note to self : No more coffee for today!
My niecey's concert is tomorrow, so am off from work. Yeay! I can't wait because I have not spent quality time with the whole family lately due to my busy schedule. Am really looking forward to tomorrow. Wafi - that's my niece - she's 4 and soooooo cute! Gorgeous babe is more like it! She's been showing off her dancing skills to me - she asked if I could dance, hell yes I can! I actually think she's very talented. Good actor too! LOL. Am thinking of compiling a comp card of her and send them to all the talent agencies. Yes, am very proud of her.
Work has been rather... hectic and unorganised. I don't know how many times have I actually organised, well, all of us actually and still there is always something that is left undone. Come 26th Dec, I will be transfered to the new centre. I'm quite excited about it but also, a little sad. I won't be working with the same people and I realised that I am already missing half the people I know here - students included. I guess I will have to adapt to the changes and I always do so shouldn't be a problem... right??
Anyway, it feels good when you have someone to think about... always...
Have a great weekend, everyone!
