I am back at work today after 2 weeks of compassionate leave. Nothing much changed since I left.. the cellphone is still missing.
With all that has happened, I realised who my true friends are. My BF has been very supportive - texting me whenever he can. We have gone through a lot of obstacles in our lives and we were there for each other.
Just few weeks before my late mother passed away, I reconnected my friendship with a friend who was very close to me and my family. The reason for our friendship gone sour was because of work and also a couple of colleagues came in between us. Anyhow, with the loss of my mother, Sandy has been there for me since day one. From that night my mother was admitted till the very day we bury her. Even after that, with the tahlils and family gatherings afterward - she was always there.
I am forever grateful for my BF and Sandy. I was really hurt by what happened between Sandy and I - you see, people are often easily influenced by others - women especially. I know who was behind our estranged friendship.
I would like to leave all of the bad stuff behind in 2007. I know there are better things and friends out there for me. Even if I don't have any new friends, I am truly blessed with the ones I have. The very small amount that I have.
I would like to thank my loving BF for being there for me throughout all this. Thank you for being patient and for putting up with me. You are the sweetest and most amazing man I have met. To know that you cried for me was the sweetest thing any guy has ever done for me. I know what we went through has only gotten us closer than ever and I look forward to sharing more life experiences with you, my darling.
Sandy, although we both may have exchanged bitter words about one another (to other people), I am glad we put all of that behind us. We have shared a lot in the past and I believe that what we went through in the past has taught us the meaning of friendship in so many ways. I know I can always count on you even back then but like always, there will be one or two who would want to come in between us. Thank you for everything that you have done for me - being there for and crying with me.
With that I end this entry with love and hope for a better year for all of my loved ones and our readers.
- Babylove
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
"An amazing woman" - yes, indeed...
I'm thinking about my late mother. How much she is loved by many of us. News of her demise spread like wild fire. My brothers' primary, secondary and university friends called, texted... so did mine. Everyone said the same thing - she was an amazing woman. Loving and caring. Always put everyone else before her. Yup - that's my mother.
Even when she was having the flu, she'd wake up in the morning - prepared breakfast for all of us. Always made sure I had something to eat before I go to work. Yes, I was pampered by her... but she taught me everything a young woman should know about household. We are blessed in so many ways and yet, she always made sure I know how to cook and look after a husband like she did. I would be very happy to be half the person that she was.
The day before she left, she told my aunt that she was worried about me. She wasn't worried about me not meeting THE one because she knew that I am happy now. Happier than I have ever been in a long time... she was just worried that she'd never get to see me get married. I believe that is the only wish of hers that she didn't live to see. Every time I replay the conversation I had with my aunt about that and other things, I'd start crying because... I want her with me.. when my wedding day comes... and I know, I know she will be there... but I wish she'd be there in a flesh... to watch me get ready... to see me walk down the aisle.
When she was alive, I would call at least twice a day from work to check up on her and father. Just to chit-chat for a bit till I get home to be with them. Yes I live with my parents and yes, I call them every day! There isn't anything about me that my mother didn't know. If you wanted to share your secrets, my mother was the one you would want to share it with! I know for a fact that she brought my secrets with her to the grave. She has never said anything bad about anyone. No matter how rude a person is to her, she said nothing of it. She has never had an ill thought of anyone... always offering help to everyone around her. She wasn't judgmental. No way! She would talk to anyone... did not matter to her if a person is from a lower class. I remember my aunts telling me that she treated our maid like the maid was one of her siblings....
God I miss her sooo much.....
Even when she was having the flu, she'd wake up in the morning - prepared breakfast for all of us. Always made sure I had something to eat before I go to work. Yes, I was pampered by her... but she taught me everything a young woman should know about household. We are blessed in so many ways and yet, she always made sure I know how to cook and look after a husband like she did. I would be very happy to be half the person that she was.
The day before she left, she told my aunt that she was worried about me. She wasn't worried about me not meeting THE one because she knew that I am happy now. Happier than I have ever been in a long time... she was just worried that she'd never get to see me get married. I believe that is the only wish of hers that she didn't live to see. Every time I replay the conversation I had with my aunt about that and other things, I'd start crying because... I want her with me.. when my wedding day comes... and I know, I know she will be there... but I wish she'd be there in a flesh... to watch me get ready... to see me walk down the aisle.
When she was alive, I would call at least twice a day from work to check up on her and father. Just to chit-chat for a bit till I get home to be with them. Yes I live with my parents and yes, I call them every day! There isn't anything about me that my mother didn't know. If you wanted to share your secrets, my mother was the one you would want to share it with! I know for a fact that she brought my secrets with her to the grave. She has never said anything bad about anyone. No matter how rude a person is to her, she said nothing of it. She has never had an ill thought of anyone... always offering help to everyone around her. She wasn't judgmental. No way! She would talk to anyone... did not matter to her if a person is from a lower class. I remember my aunts telling me that she treated our maid like the maid was one of her siblings....
God I miss her sooo much.....
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Loss of a Mother
On the 22nd of Dec at 03:20am - I lost my beloved mother. She was 61.
She left a handsome husband, 3 good looking sons, 1 pretty daughter, 3 beautiful daughters-in-law and 3 gorgeous granddaughters.
My late mother was not sick. She had the occasional headaches, cold and flu but nothing too serious.
On the 21st of Dec, we had our cousin's wedding at night. My siblings and I were at the hotel getting ready after a whole afternoon of outing. My mother had gone off earlier with my aunt. Plan was for all of us including my father to meet her later at the hall. Around 6ish, I received a call from my cousin saying that my mother isn't feeling too good. She complained of a chest pain.
About 20mins or so later, he called again to inform us that my mother had passed out and ambulance was called. On the way to the hospital, the traffic was bad and it pissed the hell out of all of us. I called my father (he was at my grandmother's at the time of the incident) to let him know what had happened.
When we got to the hospital, my aunt (my late mother's youngest sister), her husband and my late mother's younger brother were there outside the emergency room. We could tell my aunt was in shock and the rest were worried. After going up a flight of stairs, my aunt told us that my late mother had complained of a headache and that she felt like fainting.
My aunt then took her to a 'surau' to rest. There, she asked for water and after taking a sip, my late mother passed out. It took the ambulance forever to get there so my cousin and his friends drove my late mother to the hospital. Thank God, the hospital was just around the corner of the building where my cousin's reception was being held.
El, Jules and myself waited for my father to arrive. Eddie and family were on their way too. My father got there first and then the doctor came out. He told us that at the time when my mother arrived at the hospital, she was lifeless. For a good 10 - 20 mins or so. Just when those words came out - I started bawling and so did El. The doctor managed to revive her back and my mother was put on a ventilator.
Okay... I will have to stop now cause I can't stop my tears.
She left a handsome husband, 3 good looking sons, 1 pretty daughter, 3 beautiful daughters-in-law and 3 gorgeous granddaughters.
My late mother was not sick. She had the occasional headaches, cold and flu but nothing too serious.
On the 21st of Dec, we had our cousin's wedding at night. My siblings and I were at the hotel getting ready after a whole afternoon of outing. My mother had gone off earlier with my aunt. Plan was for all of us including my father to meet her later at the hall. Around 6ish, I received a call from my cousin saying that my mother isn't feeling too good. She complained of a chest pain.
About 20mins or so later, he called again to inform us that my mother had passed out and ambulance was called. On the way to the hospital, the traffic was bad and it pissed the hell out of all of us. I called my father (he was at my grandmother's at the time of the incident) to let him know what had happened.
When we got to the hospital, my aunt (my late mother's youngest sister), her husband and my late mother's younger brother were there outside the emergency room. We could tell my aunt was in shock and the rest were worried. After going up a flight of stairs, my aunt told us that my late mother had complained of a headache and that she felt like fainting.
My aunt then took her to a 'surau' to rest. There, she asked for water and after taking a sip, my late mother passed out. It took the ambulance forever to get there so my cousin and his friends drove my late mother to the hospital. Thank God, the hospital was just around the corner of the building where my cousin's reception was being held.
El, Jules and myself waited for my father to arrive. Eddie and family were on their way too. My father got there first and then the doctor came out. He told us that at the time when my mother arrived at the hospital, she was lifeless. For a good 10 - 20 mins or so. Just when those words came out - I started bawling and so did El. The doctor managed to revive her back and my mother was put on a ventilator.
Okay... I will have to stop now cause I can't stop my tears.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
What happened to ME......
Wow - What a crazy end to the year, but all-in-all a good end to it.....or what do you think my Love?? I think we got through it all really well, don't you think ? 'smile' THANK YOU for your love, support and for trying real hard to be patient, etc.....I know it wasn't always easy!!
Firstly, I have to apologise to my Babygirl for leaving her all alone on here for some time now - I know she understands why I have not been on here for the last few weeks, and I just wanted to say to you my love - YOU ARE REALLY AMAZING !!!
I miss you and have missed US the last few weeks - more and more than before ! Thank you for being there for me, almost 'all' the time...'smile' I love you for that.....xxx
If you knew how much I need to look in your eyes right this moment, to tell you how much I need you - and how much I love you Babygirl - If you had to really know, I am sure you would not be able to handle it....xx I know, cause I am struggling to control the feelings myself.....
I want you to enjoy your time with the family over these coming few day's and weeks......say hi to them all for me please? Ask them to please look after you for me, cause I don't think you can do it yourself all the time 'smile'
Baby......I LOVE YOU so much......and I miss the hell out of you right now.....I need to have you here with me soon...VERY soon !! xxx
Firstly, I have to apologise to my Babygirl for leaving her all alone on here for some time now - I know she understands why I have not been on here for the last few weeks, and I just wanted to say to you my love - YOU ARE REALLY AMAZING !!!
I miss you and have missed US the last few weeks - more and more than before ! Thank you for being there for me, almost 'all' the time...'smile' I love you for that.....xxx
If you knew how much I need to look in your eyes right this moment, to tell you how much I need you - and how much I love you Babygirl - If you had to really know, I am sure you would not be able to handle it....xx I know, cause I am struggling to control the feelings myself.....
I want you to enjoy your time with the family over these coming few day's and weeks......say hi to them all for me please? Ask them to please look after you for me, cause I don't think you can do it yourself all the time 'smile'
Baby......I LOVE YOU so much......and I miss the hell out of you right now.....I need to have you here with me soon...VERY soon !! xxx
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Something to think about...
When they stay over night(staturday to sunday eve only) I get upset. Not because I don´t like them really, but I don´t really like anyone spending the weekend over in my place on the only couch I have(its mine), watching tv and making noise! My boyfriend consider my selfish and cold(somewhat I can understand him) it´s just I don´t feel like having to talk to anyone when I am not in the mood to! I usually go out with friend on their weekends and Sunday I like my peace to work and have few cups of coffee,etc. I don´t want him to leave his kids, nor to spend less time with them. I love the feedom I have, I just wanna be left alone when I have time to do so!is it a big deal really?
I read this on another blog and it really got me thinking. It got me thinking how selfish some people can be. Yes, I tend to be self-centred (can't help it sometimes) but this woman is just plain selfish.
I believe that when a person chooses to be with someone who was married and have kids, she should be prepared with the kids that come along with the man. On top of that, changes in her life will bound to happen and that should be thought of in the beginning.
It was rather appalling for me to read the part where she said "When they stay over night(staturday to sunday eve only) I get upset" - well, they are your BF's kids, for heaven's sake, aren't you suppose to love them half if not just as much as you love your man?? It's not like she didn't know he has kids in the first place before they got together!
It's a coincidence that I am in the same situation that my BF has kids but I would never get upset if I was in this woman's situation (the sleeping over etc) because no matter what, I know his kids are his first priority.
I guess I must be a nice person since his kids like me despite the way I am. I am not *not* nice to them
That's funny. Kids aren't exactly good barometers of what "nice" is so I wouldn't count on it. Parenthood isn't for everyone, I can understand that but if one claims someone as her BF - I think it's only natural for one to love his kids too. She's talking about someone she has spent 3 years of her life with! How can one not learn to love a SO's kids? Kids just don't disappear, you know!
I hate to think that there are people out there that think kids are a burden. It saddens me to no end! I love my nieces, they are my everything and they are not even my own!
New look
Not me - but the blog. Okay, not so much of a new look but I added some stuff over the weekend cause I was bored to death and wanted to take my mind off a few things.
I added the shoutbox which is for people to shout out whatever they want. Some people are too lazy to click on the 'comment' link so it's easier to just comment on the shoutbox. Other than that, there's the countdown to Year 2008.
And yes, I am addicted to coffee and so is my BF who is now wearing a sexy tight jeans. Thank you. I'm all the way over here!!! Gggrrr. I can't really say that I am addicted to coffee - I can go without coffee for a few days so no, I'm not a coffee addict but can I go on a day without my BF? Noooooo.. 'nuff said.
Also, yes... beware of the "AWESOMENESS" ahead. As Sandy has stated... my BF and I are too sexy to look or be sad. LMSAO. With that, we're an awesome bunch. Yes, I am full of myself... go ahead, shoot me!
I added the shoutbox which is for people to shout out whatever they want. Some people are too lazy to click on the 'comment' link so it's easier to just comment on the shoutbox. Other than that, there's the countdown to Year 2008.
And yes, I am addicted to coffee and so is my BF who is now wearing a sexy tight jeans. Thank you. I'm all the way over here!!! Gggrrr. I can't really say that I am addicted to coffee - I can go without coffee for a few days so no, I'm not a coffee addict but can I go on a day without my BF? Noooooo.. 'nuff said.
Also, yes... beware of the "AWESOMENESS" ahead. As Sandy has stated... my BF and I are too sexy to look or be sad. LMSAO. With that, we're an awesome bunch. Yes, I am full of myself... go ahead, shoot me!
Trying times
It has been just that for the past few weeks. He was going through some major things while I was going through some things not so major but trying and difficult nonetheless.
After not speaking to each other for a few days due to unforeseen circumstances (doesn't that sound oh-so-formal?!), it felt so good to hear his voice earlier! It sent shivers through my body, I kid you not!
I miss him so much and I can't say that enough. Not even a day out of the weeks that we had it bad that I love him less. It was very hard for me to go through the days without seeing or hearing from him but I managed to go through it all. Not easy seeing how spoiled I am. I may have thought of stupid silly random things but I don't think one can blame me for thinking or wondering especially with the situation that I am in. It has nothing to do with 'trust' - it's more about my insecurities which yes, I know, my love - I have to work on my own. It's just been so frustrating and weird for the past few weeks that I wish it will be over soon.
Now, we have to go through the holidays. Almost 2 and half weeks without seeing one another - oh shyte - how the hell are we going to go through that? Seeing that we got through the tough weeks, the holidays shouldn't be too bad, now huh?
He is not alone on the "I feel further away from you" feeling. That was exactly how I was feeling for the past few days and I guess that was what I was trying to tell him. I did feel like he was slipping away - and the thought of it was scary. It's one year now and we have gone through a lot together. There are many other obstacles for us to go through, that I know.
After not speaking to each other for a few days due to unforeseen circumstances (doesn't that sound oh-so-formal?!), it felt so good to hear his voice earlier! It sent shivers through my body, I kid you not!
I miss him so much and I can't say that enough. Not even a day out of the weeks that we had it bad that I love him less. It was very hard for me to go through the days without seeing or hearing from him but I managed to go through it all. Not easy seeing how spoiled I am. I may have thought of stupid silly random things but I don't think one can blame me for thinking or wondering especially with the situation that I am in. It has nothing to do with 'trust' - it's more about my insecurities which yes, I know, my love - I have to work on my own. It's just been so frustrating and weird for the past few weeks that I wish it will be over soon.
Now, we have to go through the holidays. Almost 2 and half weeks without seeing one another - oh shyte - how the hell are we going to go through that? Seeing that we got through the tough weeks, the holidays shouldn't be too bad, now huh?
He is not alone on the "I feel further away from you" feeling. That was exactly how I was feeling for the past few days and I guess that was what I was trying to tell him. I did feel like he was slipping away - and the thought of it was scary. It's one year now and we have gone through a lot together. There are many other obstacles for us to go through, that I know.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Freaking out.. Part 2
Yes, I am still freaking out over the lost cellphone! I tried calling the number and it went straight to VM. Not good. I know for sure Jace didn't take it with her - she would definitely tell me if she did.
I have looked everywhere in the office, got 3 staff to look for it and still, it's nowhere to be found! I have to send out smses to students by the end of the day and well, how the hell am I going to do that now?!
Hui Min is telling me about Crazy Frog - "do you realise he has no underwear on?!" - WTH woman?!? Do I need to know that at a time like this?!?!
So now, my lovely people are putting back CDs together - so nice of them. Me? I'm still wondering about the cellphone. I looked for it everywhere! Jimmy looked for it in the fridge. "It must be the freezer, hey?!".
I have looked everywhere in the office, got 3 staff to look for it and still, it's nowhere to be found! I have to send out smses to students by the end of the day and well, how the hell am I going to do that now?!
Hui Min is telling me about Crazy Frog - "do you realise he has no underwear on?!" - WTH woman?!? Do I need to know that at a time like this?!?!
So now, my lovely people are putting back CDs together - so nice of them. Me? I'm still wondering about the cellphone. I looked for it everywhere! Jimmy looked for it in the fridge. "It must be the freezer, hey?!".
Freaking out...
Yes I am. I am screwed.
I can't find the damn company's cellphone!!
I'm so screwed it's not funny!!
I can't find it anywhere - got my staff to look for it but to no avail.
I am freaking out.
Gee Jace - why must you be on your way to Scotland now?!
Did I tell you I'm screwed??
I can't find the damn company's cellphone!!
I'm so screwed it's not funny!!
I can't find it anywhere - got my staff to look for it but to no avail.
I am freaking out.
Gee Jace - why must you be on your way to Scotland now?!
Did I tell you I'm screwed??
Sunday, December 16, 2007
The Morning After
I woke up this morning with a sore throat, yet again! It's really bothering me right now as I can't even swallow solid food. So I guess I'll be losing weight. Again.
It has been a trying time for the past few weeks for my BF. It's frustrating that I can't be there for him physically as it would be easier if that was possible. Just to hold his hand and tell him everything will be alright.
With his siuation right now, I don't know when will it be the right time to text him as was the case last night when I didn't at all because I do not want another D-Day to happen. Not right now.
I know what you're thinking, maybe I don't but if you're thinking for one minute that I didn't care or think about you and angel #2 at all then you're very wrong because throughout the whole day, in fact - the whole week - that was all that was on my mind. Still is and always will.
Please don't think that I take this very lightly or it does not effect me badly...
It has been a trying time for the past few weeks for my BF. It's frustrating that I can't be there for him physically as it would be easier if that was possible. Just to hold his hand and tell him everything will be alright.
With his siuation right now, I don't know when will it be the right time to text him as was the case last night when I didn't at all because I do not want another D-Day to happen. Not right now.
I know what you're thinking, maybe I don't but if you're thinking for one minute that I didn't care or think about you and angel #2 at all then you're very wrong because throughout the whole day, in fact - the whole week - that was all that was on my mind. Still is and always will.
Please don't think that I take this very lightly or it does not effect me badly...
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Saturday morning...
For the past 3 mornings in a row - I got up with a sore throat! It will be sore for a few hours and then it's back to nothing. On top of that - I sneeze more than ever now. My mum said I should move to a cold country. Like it's not cold enough where I am right now. Not winter cold but cold nonetheless. It's been raining a lot more lately and I love it! I love the rain - I think it's romantic. It's wet but romantic! I'm such a doofus!
I have plans to take my cute niecey Wafi for a movie this evening after I am done at work. We're watching 'Alvin & the Chipmunks' with Sandy and G-Man. His name is actually Gobaind but I decided to call him G-Man. He's Sandy's BF - *smile*. Did I see that coming? Well - yes.. like a frisbee to my face. LMSAO. Actually, I think they make a cute couple - from what I saw last Sunday.
I have plans to take my cute niecey Wafi for a movie this evening after I am done at work. We're watching 'Alvin & the Chipmunks' with Sandy and G-Man. His name is actually Gobaind but I decided to call him G-Man. He's Sandy's BF - *smile*. Did I see that coming? Well - yes.. like a frisbee to my face. LMSAO. Actually, I think they make a cute couple - from what I saw last Sunday.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Wondering... waiting...
I was woken up by the sound of my sms alert on my cellphone. I picked it up and saw 2 new messages.
They were from my BF. The second sms that came through caught me off guard. I replied and started to worry.
That was 9 hours ago and now I'm still worrying about the outcome. Not so much worrying but restless. I hope everything goes well.
The most hardest thing for me to deal is the waiting. Be it for short or long term - I hate waiting. It panics me. Actually, not knowing is what gets to me the most!! I retract the part about waiting - waiting is something I can still deal with but not knowing --- hell no!!
I am praying hard that the little angel will be fine. I sure hope he will be.
My love, hang in there... I know you're strong and we'll go through this together. I'm sending positive vibes and prayers to you and family.
xxx
- Babylove
They were from my BF. The second sms that came through caught me off guard. I replied and started to worry.
That was 9 hours ago and now I'm still worrying about the outcome. Not so much worrying but restless. I hope everything goes well.
The most hardest thing for me to deal is the waiting. Be it for short or long term - I hate waiting. It panics me. Actually, not knowing is what gets to me the most!! I retract the part about waiting - waiting is something I can still deal with but not knowing --- hell no!!
I am praying hard that the little angel will be fine. I sure hope he will be.
My love, hang in there... I know you're strong and we'll go through this together. I'm sending positive vibes and prayers to you and family.
xxx
- Babylove
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Through the rain..
It's been raining a lot lately. It's good cause I love the weather. It's wet and cold. The downside of that weather is I can't go anywhere without getting wet... I hate carrying umbrellas... don't care whatever size an umbrella comes in. I don't care if it's foldable or not. I just hate carrying one in my bag - reason : my bag may be big (depends on my mood of that day) but it doesn't mean that I like a lot of things in it!
It has been an unpleasant week or so to speak for the past few days.. weeks even. Loss of an unborn family member - which effected me badly. Then a little angel that to go through an operation which went well, btw and thank God it did. Didn't do well at all for a couple of papers so will have to start all over again. Is that awesome or what?!
Everything just doesn't seem to be going the way it is suppose to - not that I know which 'way' it is suppose to be going. Just don't like the way I am feeling right now.
It has been an unpleasant week or so to speak for the past few days.. weeks even. Loss of an unborn family member - which effected me badly. Then a little angel that to go through an operation which went well, btw and thank God it did. Didn't do well at all for a couple of papers so will have to start all over again. Is that awesome or what?!
Everything just doesn't seem to be going the way it is suppose to - not that I know which 'way' it is suppose to be going. Just don't like the way I am feeling right now.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Friday blues
Yeah I thought I was awesome until I flunked my papers. I think. Not sure but I bet I won't be getting my usual 3.5 above! I totally screwed it.. big time! It didn't help that I totally forgot all about it! I lost track of date.. not to mention time! Been having sleepless night in KL too many nights. Family issues... relationship issues and of course, work issues as well. How can one not have that on top of family and relationship!
