My thoughts

Times sure have changed. Where commitment and values have evolved as limited priorities. Once upon a time, people really enjoyed each other. It was the simple pleasures that made commitment and value the highest of priorities. Spouses seemed to value each other and respect each other more in yesterday’s society than today.

Today’s world has become so materialistic that it seems that spouses in marriage have now become the object and are treated as such. Focus on growing together seems forgotten. Fast pace and changes in the world have no doubt created a hell of a lot more stress and striving to keep up with it all, thus everyone’s energy is pulled in all directions and becomes lost where it truly matters, in the family.

Sure! I do believe there are marriages that will survive and do make it to “death do us part” and are truly happy. I don’t feel in today’s world there are many. Not from all these posts I have read on a forum I frequent recently. It is very sad to read what these women and even some men are going through in their marriages.

Of all the couples I know, and there are many, it is very disheartening to hear their stories. Some that I know have been together for 25 –30 years and have openly said “it’s been a struggle” and we are not happy and have not been for years. Some have even said “I should have left a long time ago” and many have stated I stayed for the kids or financial reasons. Most have had affairs and some have not! Now they look back and view their life with their spouse as hauntingly frightening as retirement years approach. They dread the days to come of having their spouse as what they referred to as “a piece of the furniture” because they said their feelings have died and cannot be recovered.

No wonder some of my friends, even myself at one point dread the idea of getting married. Even my third brother hated the idea but hey, when he met his wife - he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and I can really see that happening between the two of them. It saddens me that those people I know who are going through a rough time in their marriages don't have what my brothers and some of my relatives have. My ex's parents' marriage was arranged by their families and it turned out well. They are still together after 30 years. My parents married each other for almost 40 years now and they have gone through a lot. They worked through their rough times and that is what I want in my marriage.

I was told that feelings change and so do people. I get that. I really do but there is also people who do not change and that includes their feelings. I don't change easily. My feelings usually stay the same. Only if my man hurt me in ways that I cannot forgive that my feelings for him will change then and even that, it will take almost forever!

I read a lot today on relationships/marriages and such. Now, I have never been the one to talk or discuss certain issues because I dislike it. For me, every time a certain issue is being discussed, it will end up in a big argument or it will lead to a misunderstanding. That is where I am wrong. With discussing matters with your loved one, you make your relationship with your partner a better one. Okay so I didn't exactly learned THAT part today, I actually learned it in Cape Town. *smile*. It's just that, after my trip to CT - I realised (today, in fact) that I have somewhat changed my perceptions on a lot of things. Like I said, I am never the one to discuss but I feel it's important now to let out your feelings or dissatisfatcion on things. I have become more alive now that I have it out in the open. I am more comfortable now talking to my mother after my trip. She's more understanding of the situation and is supportive of me.